This was supposed to be the final piece in the jigsaw.
This was supposed to be the culmination of years of thankless study and ridicule.
This was supposed to be the moment of my revenge.
I'd drawn the chalk pentagram, bought the big candles, dressed up in the robe and secured 10ccs of mouse blood. A magic wand was all I needed.
With excited, delicate hands I unwrapped the elongated package that arrived from Toyday Traditional & Classic Toys last week and, with breathless tension, descended to my cellar where everything had been prepared.
The wand felt good in my hand. It's striking, monochromatic colouring seemed to embody the duality of good and evil that would be in the room tonight. It's smooth shaft and hard edges were the Yin and Yang of order and chaos. And so, with a brief whispering of ancient paper, I turned the page and began the incantation.
As I chanted, the candles began to flutter in some eldritch breeze. A curious, hot smell filled the air and I had to swallow to release the pressure that was building in my ear drums.
A deep, visceral rumble shook the walls around me, old flakes of yellowing paint drifting to the ground like decaying snow.
And suddenly, there in front of me, He appeared. I cannot describe what he looked like. I cannot describe the feeling that blinded my mind like an explosion of light on a dark night. I cannot remember much of what happened next.
But when I came to, He was gone. And all that was left of the Magic Wand from Toyday Traditional & Classic Toys was a melting pool of plastic, burning into my skin where I lay collapsed on the floor.
I didn't tell the hospital where my third degree burns came from. And I haven't told anyone about what happened that night. Except you, dear Amazon reader. So heed my warning. He is still out there - unbound by the chains I'd hoped to summon, free from the laws with which I sought to bind him. Chaos is abroad. Lock your doors. And pray.
However, I found the customer service at Toyday Traditional & Classic Toys to be excellent, and they shipped me a replacement wand the very next day. Would definitely buy again. Highly recommended.
P.S. Please report any sightings to me on Twitter at @richardbeer