- Paperback: 256 pages
- Publisher: Penguin Books Australia; Reprint edition (27 Mar 1997)
- Language English
- ISBN-10: 0140242236
- ISBN-13: 978-0140242232
- Product Dimensions: 19.3 x 11.7 x 1.3 cm
- Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (1 customer review)
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 1,631,873 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product Description
Synopsis
A psychologist shows women how they can stop needing men--and negotiating with them--and start loving them, offering day-to-day psychological strategies for single and married women designed to help them discover the path to true love.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Format:Paperback
Judith tells women how to love the man we choose for who he is rather than for who he should be. We cannot change HIM, only our own interpretations. She calls this "refocusing", moving our thinking from "What's wrong with him?" to "What is it I need, and do I necessarily need it from him?" She gives us scenarios of different couples' ways of communicating from doing laundry to watching sports, which are familiar and funny. She teaches us, not submission, but how to help ourselves become more interdependent with our mate, allowing us to love him more, need him less.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:
4 reviews
19 of 20 people found the following review helpful
This is the best engagement gift I could've gotten.
1 April 1999
Format:Paperback
Judith tells women how to love the man we choose for who he is rather than for who he should be. We cannot change HIM, only our own interpretations. She calls this "refocusing", moving our thinking from "What's wrong with him?" to "What is it I need, and do I necessarily need it from him?" She gives us scenarios of different couples' ways of communicating from doing laundry to watching sports, which are familiar and funny. She teaches us, not submission, but how to help ourselves become more interdependent with our mate, allowing us to love him more, need him less.
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
A Keeper
25 July 2000
Format:Paperback
This book shows me how to be more tolerant of the man in my life. My expectations can be pretty high--almost unrealistic. I am reminded to let my signifcant other have his shortcomings while allowing some of my needs to be met though other people and, that the only one I can change is myself. It is one of the best relationship books on how to co-exist with another human being and still be a loving mate. Judith Sills is insightful and skilled in her professional life and with her writing, she's one of my favorite "how-to" authors.
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
This Relationship Book is the only one I've Ever Kept
30 Mar 2001
Format:Paperback
Judith Sills tells us how we can change our relationships with men by Refocusing, Reframing, and Responding Differently to our man's behavior. And since Sills says it better than I can, I'll quote a few sentences from her first chapter:
"Focusing on men has taken us as far as it can. This book is written directly to women, and just about women, so that we can turn the corner. The way we turn the corner is that we let go of the idea of getting to love by helping men to change. In our all-too-understandable obsession with getting more of what we need and what we are reasonably entitled to in a relationship, we have overlooked a key psychological truth: ** relationships depend far less on whom we choose than on who we are.**.... You are the single most important factor in whom you choose to love, and in what you experience in return. Love is a measure of your own inner stretch..."
If that paragraph intrigues you, you'll find much of value here. Throughout the rest of the book, she'll gently -- and a little philosophically -- show you how you can help yourself to stretch further.
And despite her statement that she is writing for women on the topic of romantic love, much of what she says about love applies in family and friend relationships as well.
"Focusing on men has taken us as far as it can. This book is written directly to women, and just about women, so that we can turn the corner. The way we turn the corner is that we let go of the idea of getting to love by helping men to change. In our all-too-understandable obsession with getting more of what we need and what we are reasonably entitled to in a relationship, we have overlooked a key psychological truth: ** relationships depend far less on whom we choose than on who we are.**.... You are the single most important factor in whom you choose to love, and in what you experience in return. Love is a measure of your own inner stretch..."
If that paragraph intrigues you, you'll find much of value here. Throughout the rest of the book, she'll gently -- and a little philosophically -- show you how you can help yourself to stretch further.
And despite her statement that she is writing for women on the topic of romantic love, much of what she says about love applies in family and friend relationships as well.
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