9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Beautiful storytelling wrapped around a clear explanation of TBI, 29 Sep 2008
By Pat McNees - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: To Love What Is: A Marriage Transformed (Hardcover)
I agree with everything the official reviewers above say: It is a beautifully written memoir and a compelling story. It is also a portrait of a loving relationship that will probably make most of us think, "It's a good thing that wasn't me--I don't think I could have adapted the way Alix Shulman did." The author has woven in, especially in the last part of the book, clear explanations of what happens when there is traumatic brain injury (TBI), and works into the story some of the tips she picks up along the way of how to take care of herself and hang on to at least a few hours to herself during each day. This is not presented as a how-to book, but you sure do get a sense of what you have to be prepared to do, and to give up, if something like this fall from a sleeping loft leaves someone in your family handicapped. Among other things, she has to deal with her husband's loss of short-term memory, his around-the-clock emotional dependence on her, and outbursts of anger and aggression that are especially hard to deal with because he was such a gentle person. TO LOVE WHAT IS is a slim and highly readable book, one I would not hesitate to suggest or give to anyone who has to deal with TBI (or to decide how MUCH they love that person they are thinking of marrying).
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Love is dedication, 29 Oct 2008
By D. E. Young "buckeye57" - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: To Love What Is: A Marriage Transformed (Hardcover)
Alex Shulman taught me to think about what lies ahead for many of us. If a spouse does not die instantly - the alternative could be anything from terminal illness, to brain damage or anything in-between. Her honesty and description of feelings that many people would not admit to are admirable. I truly couldn't put this book down. Being 50 years old and having not really thought about what lies ahead regarding illness and death of a spouse, this made me go inside myself about how I would handle a similar situation. My husband is now reading this book and he is already gripped by her writing style and the subject matter.
I highly recommend this book.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
After Brain Injury, Love, 3 Jan 2009
By Kate Gale - Published on Amazon.com
This review is from: To Love What Is: A Marriage Transformed (Hardcover)
A number of books have come out in the last few years on caring for a loved one after brain injury: Where is the Mango Princess and Three Dog Life come to mind. Alix Kates Shulman's book is a memoir of caring for her severely brain injured husband, but she goes very far into care giving and we sense that she feels guilt and remorse over her husband's fall from their loft. We don't really get the payoff. She gets to give up much of her life and self to take care of this man, often around the clock. He is verbally and sometimes physically abusive, requires constant care in every part of his intimate physical being and yet, she slogs on. It's never clear, is it love for the man he used to be? Guilt? The continued hope that he will be restored to "normal?" Most readers will shake their head and say, I wouldn't do it. So, why read the book? If you have no particular interest in brain injury? Because Shulman is a really good writer. Reminds me of Didion. Like Didion, lives in the rarified intellectual world of the well to do who don't think they're well to do. The writing though pulls you through, you don't want to put the book down, the flashbacks to her love life with Scott before the injury are utterly compelling. That's my overall description. Damn good writing makes for a compelling read even if the content makes you scratch your head. Whether Shulman is a saint, I don't know. But she's a hell of a writer.