Love Is A Four Letter Word [Paperback]

Calman's heroine Bella is trying to remember what sex is like. Wasn't it something that happened somewhere between the talking-and-going-out-to-dinner bit and the sobbing-and-eating-too-many-biscuits bit? But she is determined to fall off her sexual wagon before she becomes a virgin again ("all sealed over like pierced ears if you don't wear earrings for too long"). But there's one thing Bella is not prepared to hear again: the "L" word. Her body might be making hormonal demands, but she's resolute in not wanting the emotional baggage of love again. Nobody will be surprised, of course, to learn that she's back up to her neck in romantic trouble again--and why is it she always ends up with the wrong kind of man? Like all the best comic novelists, Calman crams her perky narrative with a host of highly diverting characters to surround her beleaguered heroine. The plotting, too, betrays no sign of first-novel inexperience: the situations that contrive to sink Bella deeper in the mire are all as imaginative as they are funny. And Calman's narrative voice always sounds just the right note, as when Bella is ironically considering becoming a nun:

Mother, I'm joining a convent. You'll never seen me again. Who knows, in her austere cell she might even take up painting again. Alone, the patterns of her thoughts would be clear and vibrant, shocking the virgin paper with their boldness, her brush caressing and seductive. She snorted at herself: Saint Bella of the Divine Brushstrokes.

Sex. Yes. She remembered that.

Wasn't that the thing that happened somewhere between the talking-and-going-out-to-dinner bit and the sobbing-and-eating-too-many-biscuits bit? Still, Bella was sure she could handle some -preferably before her as yet unopened packet of condoms reached their expiry date. She must be practically a virgin again by now, all sealed over like pierced ears if you don't wear earrings for too long.

But the 'L' word? Uh-huh. No way. She never wanted to hear it again. There were things in her past which needed to be put well away, like the 27 boxes of clutter she'd brought from her old flat. And having changed her job, her town, her entire life - the one thing she wasn't about to change was her mind.

Sex. Yes. She remembered that.

Wasn't that the thing that happened somewhere between the talking-and-going-out-to-dinner bit and the sobbing-and-eating-too-many-biscuits bit? Still, Bella was sure she could handle some -preferably before her as yet unopened packet of condoms reached their expiry date. She must be practically a virgin again by now, all sealed over like pierced ears if you don't wear earrings for too long.

But the 'L' word? Uh-huh. No way. She never wanted to hear it again. There were things in her past which needed to be put well away, like the 27 boxes of clutter she'd brought from her old flat. And having changed her job, her town, her entire life - the one thing she wasn't about to change was her mind.

Claire Calman is the author of four novels, Love is a Four Letter Word, Lessons For a Sunday Father, I Like it Like That and Cross My Heart and Hope to Die, all published by Black Swan.

Calman first decided to write a book when she discovered that it mainly involved making cups of tea and gazing out of the window. It was some time before a real writer friend pointed out that if she were to select an assortment of words and arrange them in some kind of order, this would speed up the process no end. Spurred on by this invaluable hint, she wrote Love is a Four Letter Word, a funny yet poignant story of love and loss.

Before she got into daydreaming full time, Calman spent several years working in women's magazines, then in book publishing, editing gardening books. She is also a poet and broadcaster and has performed her pithy verse at live readings and on radio many times, including for BBC Radio Four's Woman's Hour, Loose Ends, the comedy series Five Squeezy Pieces and for LBC. Her short stories have appeared in numerous magazines as well as in various anthologies, including Cheatin' Heart, the best-selling Girls' Night In, Summer Magic and A Day in the Life.

Claire Calman lives in London with her husband, son, and an unbelievable amount of unfiled paperwork.