Love, InshAllah: The Secret Love Lives of American Muslim Women [Paperback]

As a non-hijabi mixed-race Muslim marrying a convert, I often find media portrayals of Muslim women depressing and one-dimensional in the UK, born, usually Asian, Muslims in headscarfs, spouting the same hard line views, mainly on the headscarf, as that's all they ever get asked about. I found this book refreshing as it reaffirmed the many shades and flavours of Muslim women- white and black converts, Asian, Arab, Malaysian, gay, straight, arranged marriages and love ones, 18 year olds and women in their fifties recovering trom divorce, from the punk Muslim to the second-wife. Dating, marriage and sex are all here (it may shock some more conservative readers, but keep an open mind). Some of these stories end sadly but that only adds to the poignancy of this book. I couldn't put it down!
This book gave me hope in the diversity of Muslim women, who are far more than the 'visible' minority we see on TV. I'd love to see a UK version of this book!

Having spent a lot of time amongst Muslim women, this book still actually came as an eye-opener to me given the huge range of relationships and experiences the authors divulge. Forget the usual pronouncements about this book 'giving Muslim women a voice' and scuppering 'stereotypical expectations'; my friendships with Muslimahs did nothing to prepare even me for what I read in this book - punk-Muslimahs, 'Super-Salafi' lesbians; I truly was surprised (but in a good way).

There is a good range of stories and experiences here, and whilst this serves to dispel the preconceptions the potential reader MAY have, remember that these women are American and their lifestyles and choices wouldn't necessarily reflect the realities of Muslimahs in other countries. Most of the authors are highly educated and well travelled, have high-powered jobs, often live lives unfettered by cultural restrictions and many are highly emancipated, either by their rejection of 'cultural' Islam or by their application of 'true' Islam as they interpret it themselves. Their stories are not those of your typical, say, Mali-, Afghan- or Turkey-based Muslimahs (if there can be such thing as 'typical').

These are real life stories and real beliefs, real experiences and points of view; I didn't agree with everything I read in the book, but since it was someone's subjective experience, then there is little point me criticising their thoughts and actions. Most of the women get their man, some do not. Some get them in the most surprising of ways, others follow the tried and trusted route. That said, one thing that I did find disconcerting however was the need to convert the potential non-Muslim spouse to Islam - this is a recurring theme throughout many of the stories. But if you genuinely love someone as they are, then to mold them to your liking/personal beliefs etc seems to deny what you loved about them in the first place. Whilst conversion of non-Muslim males to Islam before marrying Muslimahs is indeed a prescription in Islam it is to me deeply unnerving and worrying. Isn't love about acceptance, tolerance, compromise?

The ending to one story in which the author and her boyfriend do not end up marrying owing to his reluctance to allow his future children to grow up Muslim and embracing their Pakistani heritage seems incredulous to me; the author mentions earlier that she discusses regularly and at length with her Italian boyfriend how there are elements of her culturally Islamic and Pakistani upbringing that she would never want to pass on to her future children as she feels that they have had a negative impact on her. When he breaks off the relationship after several years, citing his reluctance to allow his children to grow up in such a culturally negative environment, she reacts by comparing him unfairly to the 'fascist' Berlusconi. What else could she possibly have expected, after years of criticising her own upbringing to someone who may have had no other Pakistani/Islamic cultural point of reference?

Nevertheless, a good book will stir up passions and opinions in it's readers, and I hope it was written with this aim in mind and not just directed at Muslims and sympathetic non-Muslims alike - I would hate to think this book was written solely with the objective of 'preaching to the converted'. It opened my eyes, it angered me, it made me smile and it made me believe that there can be someone out there for everyone, so I think it did what every good book should do.

I would recommend this book, definitely.

Loved listening to the love and lives of these women. It warmed my heart and in fact made me want to pray more alhumdiallah.