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Love Me, Don't Leave Me: Overcoming Fear of Abandonment and Building Lasting, Loving Relationships [Kindle Edition]

Michelle Skeen , Wendy T. Behary

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Book Description

Everyone thrives on love, comfort, and the safety of family, friends, and  community. But if you are denied these basic comforts early in life, whether through a lack of physical affection or emotional bonding, you may develop intense fears of abandonment that can last well into adulthood—fears so powerful that they can actually cause you to push people away.
If you suffer from fears of abandonment, you may have underlying feelings of anger, shame, fear, anxiety, depression, and grief. These emotions are intense and painful, and when they surface they can lead to a number of negative behaviors, such as jealousy, clinging, and emotional blackmail. In Love Me, Don’t Leave Me, therapist Michelle Skeen combines acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), schema therapy, and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to help you identify the root of your fears.
In this book you’ll learn how schema coping behaviors—deeply entrenched and automatic behaviors rooted in childhood experiences and fears—can take over and cause you to inadvertently sabotage your relationships. By recognizing these coping behaviors and understanding their cause, you will not only gain powerful insights into your own mind, but also into the minds of those around you.
If you are ready to break the self-fulfilling cycle of mistrust, clinginess, and heartbreak and start building lasting, trusting relationships, this book will be your guide.

Product Description


"Finally, a book that skillfully addresses an all-too-often overlooked aspect of relationship struggles: the fear of abandonment. This book will invite you on the journey of embracing the most elemental aspect of our humanness--our sense of connection to one another--and what can happen when this connection becomes disrupted. Michelle Skeen masterfully walks you through a comprehensive exploration of looking into how your experience of connectedness--or various lacks thereof--contribute to your relationship struggles. So much of the suffering experienced in relationships stems from this fear of abandonment, yet very little is offered to help those who confront this in their lives. In "Love Me, Don't Leave Me," Michelle Skeen offers powerful insights, and, most importantly, tools to help successfully navigate how this fear plays out in relationships. Now, get a pencil and start to read and follow the instructions. You will be glad you did." --Thomas Roberts, LCSW, psychotherapist; clinical hypnotherapist; mindfulness and meditation teacher and retreat leader; and author of "The Mindfulness Workbook "

Book Description

If you are ready to break the self-fulfilling cycle of mistrust, clinginess, and heartbreak and start building lasting, trusting relationships, this book will be your guide.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 863 KB
  • Print Length: 192 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications (1 Sept. 2014)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00MCQ3M1E
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
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  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #29,399 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 4.9 out of 5 stars  14 reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Succinct and Practical Help — Very Helpful 15 Dec. 2014
By robomacman - Published on
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This book not only succinctly ties everything I have already learned in overcoming my emotional childhood wounds, but has also been extremely helpful in understanding and addressing the wound that made it difficult for me to receive love.

The structure of this book makes it very helpful to work through your wounds. The self-assessment test were very helpful in identifying my own particular fear issue. Furthermore, providing the behavior triggers and behavioral reactions to my particular fear trigger was extremely helpful. Although I am already familiar with much of the information in the remainder of the book, it still helped bring clarity to dealing my own emotional wound in a more healthy manner.

This book is filled with lots of practical exercises with examples to walk you through the healing process. In fact, as a whole, these exercises are more practically helpful than any other book I have read on overcoming trauma (not the only great book though: Rewire Your Brain, Daring to Trust, Learned Optimism, Willpower Instinct and Charisma Myth were also great. Each touch on key principles addressed in this particular book). The chapter on communication covered a variety of important topics, but also done in a succinct manner that makes it easy to incorporate as I open myself for Building Lasting, Loving Relationships.

If you are new to the overcoming the fears and wounds of the past, this is a great book to start.

If you are like me and have been working through your wounds for some time, then this book very well may bring a simplified clarity to the whole process. I can actually live the advice in this book in my life presently. I don't have to spend months trying to get a grasp of my wound. I can now live the life I am working towards. I personally got what I needed from this book, even with the needed exercises, within one day. I am glad I bought it and highly recommend it.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This is my favorite book on this subject. 22 Oct. 2014
By Linda Lochridge - Published on
This is my favorite book on the subject of dysfunctional relationships caused by early history. I have read many books on this subject, as not only did I stagger along for years reacting to my fear of abandonment, but later, when I became a psychotherapist, I found this to be a common theme in the women I treated. I have bought multiple copies of this book. Michelle and her publishers graciously add a website so that the assessments of the 5 core abandonment beliefs can be printed out, as well as many other worksheets in the book. I loved it and recommend it to any client who struggles in relationships.
5.0 out of 5 stars Life Hack Your Childhood Issues 5 Nov. 2014
By Date with Lucy - Published on
When Michelle's publicist asked me to review LMDLM for my blog Date with Lucy, I read it. Twice. Then I sat with all the information that was given, all that I learned about myself via answering the questionnaires and, using the lens provided, reexamined my own toxic childhood schemas. Good times.

I found LMDLM to be highly accessible and thought provoking. Deceptively easy to read, it offers not just a way to identify what's holding you back but practical tools on how to work with what you've been given. I loved learning about creative hopelessness, primary and secondary pain and what an amgydala hijack does. I loved being told: YOU ARE NOT YOUR STORY and why not. It was immediately applicable to my life.

Michelle has taken a difficult and potentially unwieldy topic, broken it down into digestible components then given a solid follow through of how to deal with what you've just realized you've been doing since childhood. Brilliant. This is a recommended read for anyone who feels they could use a hand determining and addressing dysfunctional thought processes and behaviours that are affecting their relationships and happiness thereof. What I read still resonates with me now, months later. Ftw.

For a more detailed, two part review of LMDLM:
5.0 out of 5 stars Skeen does a beautiful job of leading readers not only on a journey ... 29 Nov. 2014
By BF - Published on
As a clinical psychology trainee pursuing a doctoral degree, I have ample reading to do, but this book was an absolute pleasure to read. Dr. Skeen does a beautiful job of leading readers not only on a journey of healing, but also on a journey of discovering why and how their early patterns of interaction are perpetuated. Many texts cover how to solve the present issue, but few cover the root of the issue, which, if addressed, can lead to deeper levels of self-understanding and reaching a place of peace. The text is laid out in an accessible manner so the reader can easily follow along, and it is evident that Dr. Skeen has invested a lot of time into fully researching schema therapy, as well as practicing it. Her writing style is clear and engaging; she really connects with readers as if she is sitting in the chair across from them in a session. Through her words Michelle communicates empathy with readers, and her use of vignettes helps those fearing abandonment understand that this is a very real, prevalent struggle, but also one that they can overcome. I would consider this to be a text not only for those who wish to explore their own relationships, but also for clinicians and trainees as well. Bravo on this one! Great read that I am happy to have added to my library for practice in the future.
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the Best Relationship Books I've Read 29 Dec. 2014
By CeceSimms - Published on
Love Me, Don't Leave Me is one of the most insightful relationship books I've read. Dr. Skeen helps people understand how their fears keep them from finding the love they want, and what they can do about it.

The book walks readers through a process that allows them to figure out what's getting in the way of their relationships. Then Dr. Skeen explains how to move forward. This requires "mindfulness" - making sure that you're experiencing the current moment, not what happened to you in the past.

Dr. Skeen also explains how to step back, observe your fears, and let them happen. But she cautions not to let your fears paralyze you or push you into acting in destructive ways. Most importantly, she shows readers how to change their behaviors. "What Do I Say?" is one of my favorite chapters because it’s all about communication skills, including self-disclosure, listening, expressing your needs, validation, and apologizing. We all know that effective communication is important for building good relationships, but it’s often stifled by fear. Dr. Skeen's insights are very powerful. Whether you recognize these fears in yourself or in your partner, this is a terrific book.
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