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Loose Onions: Submit To The Whims Of Your Master III [Kindle Edition]

B P Perry
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)

Kindle Price: £1.99 includes VAT* & free wireless delivery via Amazon Whispernet
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  • Length: 58 pages (estimated)
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Book Description

The final frontier! The last roll of the dice! THE FILTH CONCLUDES!

Lady Daphne Ottertrotter and Angus Potato - the legendary sixth Earl of McDoon - spend a delightful weekend in the country doing what they do best - fumping, sumping, quaffing and spoffing.

Welcome to the third instalment of the Submit To The Whims erotic eBook saga! It's more downstairs than upstairs!


Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 1183 KB
  • Print Length: 58 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #626,486 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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More About the Author

B P Perry is an illustrator and the author of the smash hit* crime novel, The Mablethorpe Connection (as well as a couple of dirty sex pamphlets).

He has worked in the magazine trade (until it started dying on its backside) for over fifteen years for such diverse (and mostly defunct) publications as Classic Rock, Metal Hammer, Bassist, The Big Issue, Redline, Total Guitar and Good Woodworking.

He is currently working on a book about a man who is attempting to jump over his semi-detached house on a motorcycle to annoy his awful wife.

*The words 'smash hit' are used here for decorative purposes only.

Customer Reviews

4 star
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4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5 stars
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I'm a rather lowly and wretched creature with a short attention span and crippling sex addiction. When I'm not relieving myself in public toilets or shouting obscenities at women on the bus, I like nothing more than to settle down with a good (short) (e)book. Preferably one about rutting, spaffing, frottaging, billying and people's innards falling out due to excessive diddling. So Loose Onions is right up my street. It's a well-deserved 5 stars from me. Mind you, I'm a terrible person - so I'm not sure how reliable a literary critic I can be taken as.

AND there's a bit with a bottle of Champagne. And a revelation about Elton John that I'm almost certain is libellous.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Probably Good. 30 Jan. 2014
Format:Kindle Edition
I have only read the first few pages a bit, whilst tabbing back and forth between the Kindle Reader, and all the other distracting shite I spend my evenings looking at on the internet. I was actually meaning to load up the Danny Dyer biography that I hadn't finished yet, but accidentally loaded this instead.

I imagine it will be good, so there you go, five stars. A bit like that band from off of the 80s. 5 Star. Is that racist?

If you can't be bothered to read it, let me help you out. The final words are, 'The End'.

There. When is the next one out?
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Scud and Other Drugs 3 Feb. 2014
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I got a lob on on the Subway due to this 'book' and was very nearly arrested. Be warned folks
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Tender 31 Jan. 2014
By MBedd
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
In 1819, when King Francis I of Naples visited the Pompeii exhibition at the National Museum with his wife and daughter, he was so embarrassed by the erotic artwork that he decided to have it locked away in a secret cabinet, accessible only to "people of mature age and respected morals."
Well he would have shat an ox if he'd seen just one single sentence of the 'Whims Of Your Master' trilogy; in fact, It would make the plaster covered phallus of Priapus wilt at its explosive unabashed depictions of carnal desire.

I was struck blind after reading the first two instalments due to the insanely high levels of word-filth that Mr. Perry had projected into my mind's eye.

Thankfully I have a text to speech application on my computer. I'm a bit limited in the voices available as I can't afford to purchase a realistic sounding person voice - I'm not made of money! but I'm sure the prospect of this book being read aloud to me by a happy shopper Stephen Hawking will make the experience even more sexually charged.

I will listen, imagining that Mr. Hawking got the sack after his last big sum failed to impress the boffins at his work, and now, broken and destitute, he has to make ends meet by rolling the streets reading descriptions of ladies parts to paying customers, just so he can afford his calculators.

I'm off for a shower. Sort out a Braille version, and I'll give you 6 stars.
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