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Longing for Dad: The Search for Fathering Paperback – 31 May 1998


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Product details

  • Paperback: 286 pages
  • Publisher: Health Communications (31 May 1998)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1558745491
  • ISBN-13: 978-1558745490
  • Product Dimensions: 21.6 x 1.8 x 14 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 650,424 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 13 Aug 1999
Format: Paperback
Dr. Erickson writes clearly about absent fathers from both her personal experience and a clinical standpoint. This is an excellent work because she succeeds in conveying important and complex psychological theory for laypersons to incorporate into their journey of healing.
Dads fail often and easily in their children's mind. But such failure is rarely, if ever, purposely intended by Dad. It is difficult for some suffering adults to know and believe today, based on lingering childhood experiences, and not seeing the best of Dad, that his deeds were not planned. This is largely due to the fact that, as kids, they had difficulty seeing their father's own personal struggles and social-cultural realities outside of their own needs as kids. In this respect, it is easy to understand that little boys and girls can't organize their feelings properly--or as Dr. Erickson calls it in an "abstract" manner: kids only really care about their own survival, central importance, and how much they deserve love while growing up. And this is good... However, unfortunately, what children fail to grasp as they pass through their childhood without an appropriate father, is that fatherhood is awfully difficult and that Dad's apparent behaviour should not lead a child to blame him or herself for what appears to be a lack of loving from him.
Many grown men and women carry flawed imprints of 'childish' conclusions with them into adulthood. Well, sometimes Dad was just a plain jerk... In any case, adults manifest it through agression, fear of men (boyfriends), feelings of inferiority around groups of men, passive aggression, and a host of other ways.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)

Amazon.com: 16 reviews
30 of 30 people found the following review helpful
empowering guide to living well in spite of father loss issues 24 Feb 2006
By K. Thomas - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
If you're wondering why you settle for dead end relationships, alienate loved ones, or just have trouble relating in general, this book is for you. It provided me with the facts and explanations of behavior that a year of therapy had barely touched on. It also reads very well. Truly an empowering guide to living well in spite of father loss issues.
97 of 110 people found the following review helpful
Soulful guide to overcoming grief for your missing Dad 13 Aug 1999
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
Dr. Erickson writes clearly about absent fathers from both her personal experience and a clinical standpoint. This is an excellent work because she succeeds in conveying important and complex psychological theory for laypersons to incorporate into their journey of healing.
Dads fail often and easily in their children's mind. But such failure is rarely, if ever, purposely intended by Dad. It is difficult for some suffering adults to know and believe today, based on lingering childhood experiences, and not seeing the best of Dad, that his deeds were not planned. This is largely due to the fact that, as kids, they had difficulty seeing their father's own personal struggles and social-cultural realities outside of their own needs as kids. In this respect, it is easy to understand that little boys and girls can't organize their feelings properly--or as Dr. Erickson calls it in an "abstract" manner: kids only really care about their own survival, central importance, and how much they deserve love while growing up. And this is good... However, unfortunately, what children fail to grasp as they pass through their childhood without an appropriate father, is that fatherhood is awfully difficult and that Dad's apparent behaviour should not lead a child to blame him or herself for what appears to be a lack of loving from him.
Many grown men and women carry flawed imprints of 'childish' conclusions with them into adulthood. Well, sometimes Dad was just a plain jerk... In any case, adults manifest it through agression, fear of men (boyfriends), feelings of inferiority around groups of men, passive aggression, and a host of other ways. Grown men and women often pass their feelings of inadequacy due to father loss to their own children by acting out like their own father. Cycles can perpetuate if left unchecked.
Dr. Erickson sets out diffenrent sources and impacts of father loss. One major strength of this book is that her typologies and descriptions of causes and effects of father loss speak to any affected reader's situation and history. This is done without making the reader feel boxed in or categorized.
Another major strength is the inclusion of several helpful appendices. They include meaningful and insightful comments and 'instructions' for spouses and potential therapists. These provide supporters to 'get on the same page' before, during and after the reader's healing journey.
For readers that are ready to accept the painful process of introspecting into the dad-child dynamic, this book helps as a guide towards forgiving Dad, overcoming grief, and, hey, maybe even getting your Dad back at some appreciative level.
Thanks Dr. Erickson; good luck fellow travellers.
55 of 63 people found the following review helpful
BUY THIS BOOK NOW! 15 April 2001
By angela ryan - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
This book has changed my life, and I will be forever grateful. I feel like a new person. I know this may sound dramatic, and no, I don't know the author. It opened my eyes to sooooo much! Such wonderful news, that I'm NOT all that my 8 year old mind believed I was, for the last 20 years. And now I know the reasons why, and can take it as truth. This book is such a blessing. What a freedom I feel from the thinking that I wasn't good enough, or deserving of just about everything. That's gone, and I feel like I can do anything. I've given myself permission to actually like myself. I wish the same type of miracles to whomever else reads it, and of course, to my angel, the author!
10 of 13 people found the following review helpful
Very informative! Great read for a chronic problem today! 7 Jun 2006
By V. G. Davis - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback
I purchased this book to help me understand a family member's issues with not knowing her father. It really gave me much needed insight on how this dilema impacts children. I have several other children in my family who will benefit from the knowledge I have gained from this book as they too begin to question the issue of their father's absence from their lives. It's a big issue in our country and couples should truly realize the effects not having a father present in their lives will have on children and make sure both partners are truly commited to a child long before conception.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Talks at you 22 Dec 2013
By J. Shekoni - Published on Amazon.com
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I was very excited to read this book on the next part of my journey, but found it disappointing. It read as someone intellectual talking at me about a problem out there. Very much a therapist sharing her findings... But they did not go deep merely surface, felt like cliff notes. Finally I went to the back where there was a chapter 'how to heal' and just found the advice - journal, make a collage, write a letter...101 advice... Most people are aware of these general notions. I was looking for in-depth profound ways of healing myself at least comparable to those I have found in other books. Just my thoughts maybe I will pick up again at a later date and add to the review - but right now didnt learn or uncover anything new, that I didnt already know to make the choice to pick up the book in the first place.
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