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Living Like You Mean it: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want [Hardcover]

Ronald J. Frederick
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
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Book Description

20 Mar 2009
In LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT, author Ronald J. Frederick, does a brilliant job of describing why people are so afraid of their emotions and how this fear creates a variety of problems in their lives. While the problems are different, the underlying issue is often the same. At the core of their distress is what Dr. Frederick refers to as feelings phobia. Whether it s the experience of love, joy, anger, sadness, or surprise, our inborn ability to be a fully feeling person has been hijacked by fear––and it s fear that s keeping us from a better life. The book begins with a questionnaire–style list that help readers take an honest look at themselves and recognize whether and how they are afraid of their feelings. It then moves on to explore the origins of fear of feeling and introduces a four–part program for overcoming the fear: (1) Become aware of and learn to recognize feelings––anger, sadness, joy, love, fear, guilt/shame, surprise, disgust. (2) Master techniques for taming the fear. (3) Let the feeling work its way all the way through to its resolution. (4) Open up and put those feelings into words and communicate them confidently. With wisdom, humor, and compassion, the book uses stories and examples to help readers see that overcoming feelings phobia is the key to a better life and more fulfilling relationships.

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Product details

  • Hardcover: 208 pages
  • Publisher: John Wiley & Sons; 1 edition (20 Mar 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0470377038
  • ISBN-13: 978-0470377031
  • Product Dimensions: 23.1 x 15.5 x 2.3 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 39,353 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • See Complete Table of Contents

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"Finally, someone is helping us get closer to our emotions and who we are—instead of further away from our power. A moving and inspirational read for anyone in the challenging times we′re all going through." —Melody L. Beattie, NY Times bestselling author of Codependent No More "What a joy it is to read Dr. Ron Frederick’s Living Like You Mean It . Well informed, accessible and engaging, this wonderful book is full of powerful strategies that will enliven your soul, enrich your relationships, and help you have a more deeply meaningful life. I recommend it with enthusiasm!" —John Bradshaw, NY Times bestselling author of Healing the Shame that Binds You "With compelling insight into the way emotion shapes our lives, Living Like You Mean It invites us on a tremendously useful journey into the mind and brain and shows us how the day–to–day ways we defend against feeling our feelings keeps us from living the lives we really want. But no more! Through practical suggestions, compelling stories, and powerful insights, this book dishes up a readily accessible plan to free us from the prison of our own fear of feeling. Frederick is a liberating guide—and after joining him on this trek, you’ll be ready to feel fully alive!" —Daniel J. Siegel, MD, director, the Mindsight Institute, and author of The Mindful Brain "Brimming with heart and soul, and scientifically sound, Living Like You Mean It is a brilliant book for anyone wanting to get unstuck and live a happier, more fulfilling life." —Marci Shimoff, NY Times bestselling author of Happy for No Reason "Ron Frederick is a master therapist and a gifted teacher. With energy and passion, he guides the reader through the vibrant inner landscape of the emotions. The tools and insights he offers can help prevent depression and anxiety. Even more, they point the way toward a vital and engaged life—a life fully lived." —Henry Emmons, MD, author of The Chemistry of Joy


"Where shall we run if we run from ourselves? This book asks us to look anew at our models of health and happiness and to realize that personal liberation is not possible if we are not at liberty to feel what we feel. Through stories and examples, Ron Frederick walks us through that issue in a way that is simple, clear, and focused and that has a chance to fundamentally change human lives." — Steven C. Hayes , PhD, University of Nevada, author of Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life "Written like he means it—and clearly he does—Ron Frederick′s book is a gift, written by a master clinician and an amazing person. His heart and soul, his humor and sparkling intelligence, his pathos and practicality, are all there from the great title to the very last word. Down to earth and with a twinkle in his eyes, Ron Frederick is the guide and companion you have been looking for. As he passionately makes clear: you can shed your resignation and vitality and joy can be yours again. And as you journey to reconnect with yourself and those you love—you will not be alone. Step by step, you feel him with you, steady and wise. What a great book! I will recommend it to my patients and friends alike. And, what′s more, I can′t wait to read it again." — Diana Fosha , PhD, Director of the AEDP Institute. author of The Transforming Power of Affect "Dr. Frederick′s wise and powerful book is an inspiration. It is also a practical guide to help us feel more deeply, face our fears more confidently, and live each moment more fully." — Dr. Larina Kase , Author of The Confident Leader: How the Most Successful People Go from Effective to Exceptional, and the New York Times Bestseller The Confident Speaker "Dr. Frederick’s first book demonstrates his gift of communicating in an accessible, human, meaningful manner about one of life’s most important mysteries—the true value and purpose of our emotions. He shows us how to navigate the guidance system they provide on the road to happiness, fulfillment and depth in our lives. Hopefully, this will be the first of many books from this gifted writer." — Joseph Bailey , Licensed psychologist and bestselling author of Fearproof Your Life and Slowing Down to the Speed of Life "It is a delight to read a book on emotions that integrates so much of the cutting edge research in brain, body, mind and attachment. Ron Fredrick has managed to take difficult concepts and translate them into language that is understandable. This is a book for those who seek to reconnect with their own emotions, and with the emotions of people they care about. I highly recommend "Living Like You Mean It." — Marion Solomon , PhD, Director of Clinical Training, Lifespan Learning Institute. author of Lean on Me

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Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Want to cope and grow? Check out your feelings! 24 Mar 2014
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
Dr Frederick's self-help book is not only warm, heartfelt and inspiring, but also sound in its scientific thinking and broad in its view of the human condition. Whilst some self-help books will focus on a specific problem area, Dr Frederick goes to the heart of what it means to be a human being who struggles and suffers and seeks help.

At the heart of our nature lies the power of our feelings and the need to connect with numerous people in various forms. This book is part of a movement in psychology that engages with such a view through integrating ideas from the fields of psychodynamics, experiential therapies, and cognitive behavioural therapy, whilst being located firmly in the sobering reality of our neuro-physiological bodies.

In this technological world where "thinking" and "logic" are disproportionately valued, Dr Frederick joins the ranks of Daniel Goleman and others to remind us of the importance of developing emotional awareness and emotional intelligence. Like the psychoanalysts and attachment scientists, he focuses on how our psyche's are built out of a need to manage our feelings and desires and adapt to others around us. Where this adaptation is compromised, a person develops defences against their feelings that may do more harm than good.

Dr Frederick has a very human and accessible writing style that moves you along through his ideas and suggestions. As he is with his patients, so he guides you through the book, reaching out compassionately and inviting you to engage with yourself and others in a deep and emotionally meaningful way.
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5.0 out of 5 stars One of the better self-help books out there 30 May 2009
By Sumguy
This book is definitely worth the money. It is the product of a lot of work done by the author in his professional life with clients that have problems to which many of us can relate (all narrations are in an anonymous way of course). It is also clearly the product of a lot of contemplation and research from the author's end, and even some admirably heartwarming and humbling little shared secrets about the author himself. One of the best books I've ever read generally speaking. Would recommend easily.
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0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars relaxing 24 Sep 2012
By Barbara
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
I have just bought the book and CD and only glanced at the book - it looks very promising and helpful. We have tried the autogenic part of the CD and it was very good, except that I would have preferred slightly different background music. However, we both felt very relaxed after it, so the technique is working. I can recommend this book and CD, and many of the techniques mentioned in the book and used on the CD have helped me to almost recover from a burnout.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) 4.9 out of 5 stars  26 reviews
18 of 18 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A greatly needed, clear and concise guide to the world of emotions. 15 Mar 2009
By T. Beyer - Published on
As a licensed psychologist, I read many self-help books so I can make informed recommendations to my clients. LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT stands out from the crowd and is one I'll definitely be recommending. Dr. Frederick has done a wonderful job of integrating sound, cutting-edge science with real life examples to clearly illustrate how our own discomfort with our emotions, what he refers to as "feelings phobia", keeps us from having the life we really want. His four-step approach to overcoming fear and learning how to open up to and make good use of our emotions is clearly articulated and easy to follow. Practical exercises are amply provided throughout to help guide the reader along their way and readily apply the strategies to their own lives. It's easy to see how one can readily increase their emotional mindfulness and begin to use their feelings as a guide to making good life and relationship choices. I especially appreciated the summarization provided at the end of each chapter making it easy to review the wealth of material covered therein. Well done!
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The "how to" of change 26 Mar 2009
By Donna Fraser - Published on
Format:Kindle Edition
"Living Like You Mean It" is a phenomenal book that recognizes the power and centrality of our emotions in shaping our behavior and thus our lives. Drawing from the latest research in neuroscience and emotion theory the author explains why our emotions are so powerful and how avoidance of our feelings cuts us off from our authentic selves and leads to symptoms such as depression and anxiety. Ron Frederick is a warm and wise guide - teaching through stories, he also offers practical tools and techniques with which we may learn to work skillfully with our feelings. This book is an important resource and I highly recommend it.
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Living Like You Mean It: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want 24 Mar 2009
By P. Bolger - Published on
Format:Kindle Edition
This is a terrific book! As a non-therapist I felt the book was accessible, easy to understand, fun to read and full of great examples and practical advice that I could immediately apply to my life. Dr. Frederick's personal stories helped me understand how I can face my own fears and live a more fulfilling life. I recommend this book!
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Extraordinarily Powerful and Compelling 24 Jun 2009
By Cinnamon Brown - Published on
Have you ever sat around thinking, "My life is great. Things seem to be going well for me!" Only, on the inside you're sad, anxious or depressed? I didn't realize I was doing this until after reading Dr. Ronald J. Frederick's new book, LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT. As the cover states, he shows us how to use the wisdom and power of our emotions to get the lives we really want. He has an uncanny way of encouraging us to look deep within ourselves to see the truth behind our actions. This makes LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT a powerful and compelling read.

LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT really seems designed to connect with any level of reader. Dr. Frederick takes what could be a very complex topic - battling with ourselves to change beliefs that we have held since childhood - and put them in an easy to understand and easy to use format. Part One deals with preparation. Dr. Frederick allows us to use self discovery to observe our actions and break them down into parts we can analyze. He explains the basis for certain emotions and why we as a culture tend to push our emotions down, choosing to smother them rather than releasing them. Using recent research on the brain and body, Dr. Frederick shows us how emotions are tied to our thoughts and can greatly influence our lives.

After getting some great background info, both about emotional mindfulness and our own personal emotions, Dr. Frederick takes us into the action phase of reorganizing our emotions. Part Two shows us how to increase our emotional awareness and determine where our defenses come from. Now that we can recognize our feeling phobias he shows us how to tamp that fear down and allow ourselves to ride the waves of our emotions from beginning to the peak and finally to their release.

If you had asked me weeks ago if I bottled up my emotions or if I let them control my life, I would have told you, "Absolutely not!" I am the master of me...aren't I? I found myself perusing the pages of LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT, gradually flipping faster and faster as Dr. Frederick's words struck a chord in my heart. His examples and tell tale signs of working against one's emotions instead of with them actually rang true with me! I'm not ashamed to admit that I discovered a lot about myself between the covers of LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT. For a book, a simple collection of dried plant fibers, that really says something.

One of the most useful aspects of the book, aside from the great layout and formatting, was the way Dr. Frederick included stories from composites of actual patients. Each story was about a different individual and his or her challenge to learn that their emotions were not a force to be reckoned with, but rather a helping hand, guiding them through life. I think it is safe to say that there is at least one story, one real life example in LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT that everyone can relate to. I myself know that at least two of the stories reflect events in my life to a T.

Dr. Frederick's stories help the reader to connect with his vision, but it is really the flow of his words that pulls the reader in. This book is not at all written like a dry academic texts or even one of those dry self-help books. No, this is written more like Dr. Frederick is in the room talking with you and only you. As he speaks his words magically appear on the paper. That's really the best way I have to describe it. It really feels like you are curled up in some comfy chair chatting with a good friend. In my opinion, that's one of the best ways to connect with people and I think Dr. Frederick nailed it.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Without reservation I recommend this book. 4 Jan 2011
By Katherine Johnson - Published on
Format:Hardcover|Verified Purchase
If you feel like you are running a low-grade fever of discontent with the satisfaction of your life and can't put your finger on why, then read LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT. It is written clearly and concisely; weaving psychological research, composite character anecdotes and visual diagrams to reinforce the concepts presented in the book. Each chapter has a doable list of action items which offers reflection and direction that will help you incorporate new behaviors into your life that will in time undoubtedly bring you a life of greater joy, peace and satisfaction.
For me a slow, quiet change from within has occurred and I now give my feelings just a moment to be felt by me without rationalizing or dismissing them. And those moments of being aware of my feelings have made all the difference in propelling me towards getting the life I really want. With gratitude I wholeheartedly recommend this book.
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