Earlier this year, Chantelle Houghton became the latest Celebrity Big Brother winner. Upon winning, Chantelle, from Essex, proclaimed "Like oh my god". It was at that moment she took our hearts with her masterly use of the English language, prompting the whole of Britain, in fact, possibly the world, to urge that Chantelle write an autobiography on her achievements in life.
Upon reading this book, whilst going through a lobotomy at my local hospital, I found myself instantly becoming engrossed in the life of Chantelle. Following the same pattern as any other woman in her young 20's who, were they to be moulded into celebrities by the visceral celeb-culture-creating media of today, would be able to 'write' (or rather 'have ghostwritten') the exact same book minus the reality TV show escapades, Houghton tells us of how she once forgot to brush her teeth when she was 9 (the folly of fame!), how she once dated a guy who liked to read books (Like oh my god! In this day and age, a guy that likes to read actual books and doesn't embrace and conform to the Heat! Magazine Generation? I don't believe it!) and how, like Jade Goody and all the other Reality Show Rejects, was bullied as a child. This last point helps us to feel empathetic with her; the victim wins in the end! She's doing adverts for furniture! Screw you bullies!
Chantelle didn't write this book. She is part of the Heat! Generation. She doesn't even READ books. Nowadays, the youth prefer their bookshelves to hold their latest Big Brother or X-Factor application or their most recent amatuer porn video (if the application fails, get on the phone to Max Clifford and let's make a celeb out of you that way!) Chantelle is happy to cash in for this crass craze for celebrity and so obviously had no doubts about dictating her mundane, ordinary life to some depressed ghostwriter. People nowadays gobble these books up, spitting on classical literature that actually stimulate the imagination. Yes, these celeb books do, in a way stimulate the imagination; they help ordinary people who can't be bothered working on a talent or skill to 'dream' about what it would be like to be on the front of 'OK!' magazine, to date a mediocre musician or to host their very own abysmal television show.
If you're part of the Heat Generation you will buy this. You will most probably not even understand most of this review, nor the criticisms put forward. You will most likely simply turn on your TV, watch Little Britain, repeat the catchphrases, oblivious to the repetitive moronic low quality of the show (but everyone at school/work says it!), and then read the latest celeb magazine to feature pictures of celebs with eating disorders. While you're eating away at the intellectual fabric of society, I urge anyone not apart of this worthless generation but thinking about participating, to turn away. Go read some Shakespeare, Dostoevsky or Dickens. Go watch the news. Go develop your mind and participate in discussions and debate (not about why Julie, rather than Jeff, should have been evicted.) Reject the Heat Generation. Reject Chantelle Houghton. Reject a future society where talent takes a backseat to trash, where intellectualism is frowned upon as being "so 2 years ago", where our children are bred to idolise idiocy. Society needs to be awoken from this pathetic false dream Chantelle Houghton is being used to propagate. Do not purchase this book.