Living Alone and Loving it [Paperback]

This book is a celebration of living alone. It doesn't tell you how to bide your time while you wait for a new relationship to come along. It describes the very profound personal experiences of someone who has lived alone for a long time and is good at it. Reading it has made me feel lucky to have so much time to fill myself without the needs of another to consider. I probably will eventually meet someone else, and that is OK. But I know that for as long as I don't, I will be able to relish living alone as a perfectly wonderful (heck - almost better) option.

Living alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. There's an attitude shift that can occur that can make it possible to feel interconnected with everyone who passes through our lives. After reading this book, I want to take that time to learn the banjo, write songs, and travel alone to Peru. I have also come to appreciate that although I am not in a relationship right now, nor am I ready to be in one, I can appreciate the male (and female) relationships I have in my life in a new way.

As an added bonus, Barbara Feldon write beautifully. "When we live alone time and freedom are at the service of our muse in a way that artists in a relationship might envy." Gems like this are woven throughout, along with well-chosen quotes from other authors. I like the ones by Rilke best.

I recommend this book unreservedly to anyone looking to find pleasure in solitude, meaning in life, a feeling of interconnectedness with the world, and themselves.

For months now, I suppose like other grievors, maybe men more than women, I was always searching for another "partner" but of course no one could equal the woman I lost.

While in Vancouver over Christmas, I found this book, read it in one night, and my life has changed for the better.

Well, I wish Barbara could know how much help she has given to me,
and I wish she had put her e-mail address in the book so I could tell her simply that.

I was attracted to this book. I am always drawn to the books that emphasize how being "single" or "alone" is not a scary thing. In today's society, from friends or family, you are constantly pushed to be with another person, to get married or have kids. Even though this is everyone's right, it isn't the answer for everyone.

I was expecting a guided list of how to live alone and love it. This was not what was within the book. It was full of wisdom and life lessons. On some parts, I felt as though she were reading my mind what I was never able to verbalize.

She writes: "Living alone gives us the freedom to nourish the things we love wihtout the constraints of a partner's timetable or his or her conflicting desires." This is not to say that we can't fulfill our hobbies or our dreams with someone else there. I think the problem is that we become distracted with taking care of this other person, like having a constant guest in our home. When you live alone, there seems to be more time to get to know yourself and what you love.

This is not a "don't get involved with others in a romantic way." It's quite the contrary. Some people are deeply fulfilled by another person sharing their life, and others have too much they want to fulfill on their own. She writes. "...a love life is not a need like food and air, it's a desire. If we don't eat or breathe, we die; we don't die from unsatisfied passion. Having to set aside romance from time to time is only tormenting if we choose to view it that way."

I loved this passage. "I learned that there are ways to experience romance outside of sexual possession. I had savored for the first time what the sixteenth-century essayist Montaigne called 'passionate friendship': one that is deeply loving, unconditional, and heightened to the level of poetry. We delighted in each other's company, expressed ourselves freely, and brought out the best in each other. Not all conventional relationships call make those claims. There were so many delights that the lack of a sexual component wasn't felt as a deficit." I have experienced this very thing, but I couldn't describe it. There are more ways to connect than just with one person. We connect with people all of the time, but sometimes, we are too busy to notice, or don't put our finger on it why it felt so good to have a passing conversation with a stranger or acquaintance. You will never be lonely if you don't put yourself out there. (Spoken from a true introvert, who also tends to be shy as well.)

Does this mean that I won't couple up? No, I have a boyfriend. Does this mean that I would never get married? No, not exactly. What does this mean? The significance for me is that someone echoes my true feelings about being single. It's not evil, it's not lonely, it's just something that is easier to handle when you are comfortable and love yourself. It also gives you more time to travel around the world which I hope to do someday. If I find myself single again, I hope that I take advantage of all the things single life offered me.