Kinky Kong [DVD] [2005] [Region 1] [US Import] [NTSC]

I'm currently off sick after straining my back leaping out of bed with cramp. Some of the kids programmes I've been watching are infinitely better than this tripe (though presumably because I've been watching children's programmes, the cross eyed dinosaur (special effects Brett Piper)did make me chuckle!) At the beginning John Fedele is amusingly on form but wears pretty thin by the end. Somebody called Andrew Shearer has written the linear notes for this DVD. And boy is he easily pleased, spewing sycophantic claptrap about the evolution of John Bacchus's parodies of major films, making out that we have reached a crescendo with this film and that this is John's Opus. Far from it. Since the take off of Blair Witch he has in the main spiralled downwards.

So if the humour of this film is abysmal what about the girls? Well if Seduction Cinema are reading this please note that this is one frequent buyer of all your products (Shock-A-Rama, Retro Seduction, Film Factory, Wave et all) that is going to stop buying your restricted versions because other than some mild topless shots.....that's it! I feel cheated that a unrated version is available free but not to residents of the UK. So please release both versions so that I can buy the unrated version or stop offering them free and release them in both versions in one package as with Spiderbabe.

It would be nice if this company started releasing even more of the earlier exploitation films esp early Misty and Ruby and Debbie and Tina etc on DVD format as Amazon don't stock DVD0-R discs and really they are the only company in America I trust to deliver my goods.

A Seduction Cinema film that is carried by its two male leads is something of a rarity, but that's just what we have here. I have to say that John Fedele and Duane Polcou are both very funny in their roles. Fedele plays a sex film director with a slightly rude name; a man whose million-miles-per-hour spiel is straight out of a 1930s screwball comedy. Meanwhile, Polcou is the sexually confused seaman, Jack Friskell. It's love at first sight when he sees Kinky Kong, a giant gorilla who's packing plenty beneath his diaper.

Comedy aside, what you'll be wanting to know about are the naughty bits. Well, you should be aware that this is an R rated film. Where, in a Seduction Cinema film you would usually see some girl-girl softcore, what you get here are striptease routines presented in a similar manner to the ones in The Sexy 6th Sense. The actresses (Darian Caine, AJ Khan, Sabrina Faire, Molly Heartbreaker, Alexia Moore and Jackie Stevens) all perform these scenes admirably, but, if you're a fan of Seduction's output, you may feel a little shortchanged. These scenes are riddled with (possibly deliberate) continuity errors. An article of clothing is removed, but seconds later, it's reappeared only to have the performer remove it again. There is no below the waist nudity and the actresses do not indulge in any sexy shenanigans with each other. "These are conservative times," says Seduction Cinema head honcho, Michael Raso, on the accompanying audio commentary. He explains that at the time of recording his comments (2006), stores were declining to stock unrated films. The problem here, in my opinion, is that for all the good comedy material that Seduction's productions contain, the films are nothing without the sex scenes. Fans don't buy them because they know that John Fedele is in them; they buy them for Darian Caine, AJ Khan and all the other gorgeous ladies that appear in them. Lowbrow humor, although an important feature in these films, is not enough. For an example of a sex comedy without the sex, you may want to check out Dr. Horror's Erotic House of Idiots, a parody of films such as those produced by Seduction.

The good news is that with the R rated DVD comes a postcard invitation to obtain a free copy of the unrated version. I'd advise you to take this offer up if you are a fan of Darian Caine, Molly Heartbreaker or Jackie Stevens because all these actresses appear in additional material. All the striptease scenes from the R rated version are removed and replaced by stronger, girl-girl softcore. There's a deleted scene on this disc featuring Jackie Stevens and an entertaining audio commentary with Michael Raso and actor John Fedele. The R rated DVD has a disappointingly brief behind the scenes featurette.

One last note: how could they have Lora Renee in this film and not have her involved in any of the sex scenes in either version? Appalling cruelty on the viewer, that's what it is.

As a nightshift person, I see a lot of late night cable TV and some incredibly bad movies (no matter what time of day they're aired). And the worst of the worst appear to be the astoundingly-bad "adult" films pinched out on HBO's Zone channel. I thought GHOST IN A TEENY BIKINI was wretched. Now that I've seen KINKY KONG, I'm prepared to vote to put GHOST IN A TEENY BIKINI in the National Registry.

I could pull people off a city bus and get better performances. The jokes are so bad that I'm sure there was no script at any point during this project. It literally looks like they made everything up as they went along.

I realize the point of these movies is to show copious amounts of female flesh--but is it too much to ask to find some actresses who don't treat their skin like an inner-city brick wall? Some of these chicks have so many tattooes on them that I thought they'd been tagged by several street gangs. Or maybe just selling body space like a Nascar vehicle. And what was the chick thinking who tattooed fire outlines on her breasts?

If you're interested in seeing seriously skanky chicks and computer-generated flatulence, this might be your movie. I can't imagine anyone else taking credit for it.