I Just Wanted to Be Loved: A boy eager to please. The man who destroyed his childhood. The love that overcame it. [Kindle Edition]

Review of I Just Wanted To Be Loved

"I Just Wanted To Be Loved" is the heart breaking sequel to one of the most shattering true life stories of all time. A highly charged prelude launches this graphic follow-up as Stuart Howarth inserts an excerpt from his devastating childhood account in "Please Daddy No" In the primary chapters of the tear-jerking transcript he further elaborates upon the atrocities he endured throughout his entire infancy. He illustrates through great volumes of recollection the barbaric acts that were inflicted upon him, and leaves no stone unturned as he delivers candidly the incomprehensible betrayal of the child that was he.

The consequent devastation of the ensuing years was manifest in anger, and fuelled with mind-altering drugs including alcohol it sent Howarth's life spiralling hopelessly out of control. In deficit of everything beautiful he dragged himself along the lonely road of addiction, and still living within the sphere of his childhood he was one day compelled to seek out the source of his pain, he came face to face with his wicked stepfather . . .thus inadvertently became the victim of terrible circumstance.

Arrested and charged with the murder of the man who had annilelated his childhood, Stuart Howarth languished in prison for two years, and in a cruel twist of fate he suffered an inundation of diatribe from the jail officers who relished in the plight of his childhood; but Howarth's self preservation superseded the invective and upon his release he filed a case of maltreatment against the prison service . . . And won a substantial financial settlement.

However, Howarth's torment was far from over, and his nightmarish past stayed present to haunt him. Inconsequentiality was his cornerstone, and even the love of a woman could not suffice his sense of worthlessness. On the run from himself and with nowhere to hide, he continued to take solace in the counterproductive use of narcotics; but ironically what was intended for evil in his life, God worked for good,and a near fatal suicide attempt catapulted him swiftly into rehabilitation. It took some time and a catalogue of convincing, but he finally accepted that he could be redeemed, and three treatment centres later he surrendered to a program of recovery. He describes lucidly the twelve-steps that saved his life and exemplifies wonderfully his victory over adversity.

Stuart Howarth, a great man of integrity speaks about the underworld of injustice in this spine chilling textual narrative. The subtext of immense bravery and a heart abounding with love is the through line of action in this compelling and riveting read. Howarth testifies with prose, the sheer determination and glimmer of faith that lead him triumphantly from the pit of hell into a life beyond his wildest dreams; and the man himself heralds from his heart, tremendous hope and encouragement for the one who still suffers.

I read this book as soon as I have finished the first Please Daddy,no. I was compelled to read it,although sometimes hard to digest the horror that a so called parent can inflict on a child. What an inspiration Stuart is, too have the outlook on life that many people do not without going through such horrors. Its a must read.

I didn't know when this book was launched, nor that its working title was changed to the above. I had bought the first one and knew there was another one on the way so thought it would be ideal for my 3hr round trip by bus. I finished the book in two days, taking a bit longer than the 4-5hrs of the first book!

It continues the story of Stuart Howarth, taking the first 30 pages to catch up anyone that hadn't read the original book Please Daddy No, detailing the author's abuse but then gives a horse's mouth view of just how tough it is to kick various addictions and hack twelve-step programmes in general, whilst fighting for his marriage and relationships with his own and stepchildren., not to mention his life and sanity and new brushes with other criminals. There's also the expanded detail regarding the other two court cases he was involved in regarding Strangeways prison and his other abuser. Quite helpful to survivors there's an expanded summary on the daytime TV show This Morning's child abuse special which you won't ever watch again due to copyright.

The best thing about a second book from an abuse survivor is killing off the idea that it's one big happy ending by the end of that first book, there's usually a lot further to go in life once the abuse has stopped and you start life all over again and some people actually don't like to read that you're getting better, compared to your childhood!

It's a fast read, for anyone considering 12-step you get to read about two different establishments and how to approach either AA or Al-Anon, so the book is useful from that regard, especially if you read it more slowly than I did. Mr Howarth is quite the author, so it'll be interesting to check the site and see what he does next, and thankfully HarperCollins seem to be making its more understated covers for abuse memoirs a regular policy, because this cover is much better than the first. Still, that's just my pet gripe talking, the book's a great read.