Even though I'm a straight man, I "Never Say Never (feat. Jaden Smith)" to trying new things! You won't "beliebe" your eyes how lifelike this doll is!
As soon as the box showed up in the mail, I was like a grown-up adult at a candy shoppe. I unwrapped the package with such fever, I had feared that I had torn Bieber a new one! "Easy, ol' chap," I muttered to myself as my clumsy fingers unfolded what was soon to be the barely legal boy of my dreams, "you don't want to scare the poor fellow."
I splayed the Biebs across my kitchen floor, a small gasp escaped my lips. Even as a lifeless, deflated vinyl corpse, he. Looked. GORGEOUS.
I immediately lunged to the air valve and began blowing as though my life depended on it. (I'm ashamed to admit that I passed out one or two times!) Within two hours, he was complete.
I immediately broke out in a sweat at the presence of the Purple Passion as I placed it across my bed. I was CONSTANTLY reminding myself that this was a Just-In Beaver Love Doll and NOT THE ACTUAL JUSTIN BIEBER. I caught myself nervously asking the doll: "D-do you like music?" and then uttering to myself: "Stupid!"
We slipped under the covers. I began cooing the song "Baby" into the Biebz' rubber-dinghy ear.
You know that moment in your life where you wish you could freeze time and live it forever because it's so perfect? Well, beliebe me, I do.
That night, I f***ed the s*** outta that thing.
Thanks Pipedream! You made my Pipedream a pipe-reality!
P.S. I only gave four stars because the delivery man was especially rude. :(