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It's Not About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene [Paperback]

Sensuous Sadie
4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
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Book Description

6 July 2006
I first started exploring Dominance and submission with my friend Bailey. We went camping one summer in the White Mountains of New Hampshire, and in the dark of the tent we shared our secret fantasies. I told him about wanting to be controlled in a sexual manner, although I didn't really know what that meant. Bailey knew. To my extreme embarrassment he ordered me to masturbate, right there in the tent, right there in front of him. Then, when I was just short of orgasm, he made me stop. When I had cooled down, he started all over again. This feeling of being so close and then not being allowed release created an erotic pain, a submission that thrilled me. I wanted more.

    This would be the experience that turned me on to the world of BDSM: Bondage & Discipline; Dominance & Submission; and Sadism & Masochism

    When Bailey and I started looking for information on what we were doing, we found the book Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns, which is still my favorite, not only for its content, but also for its lighthearted approach. Today there are many books on safety, apparatus, and erotica, but few that explore the power exchange from an emotional and spiritual point of view. Yet, it is this transformational aspect that makes my heart and body sing.

    As I explored this lifestyle, I began to see how my BDSM experiences had a relationship to my spiritual path. I would describe my spiritual approach as Taoist in nature, with a relativist twist. This is why I capitalize both Dominant and Submissive; because just as in the yin/yang symbol, they are equal and interlocked parts of each other. Going into subspace isn't just kinky sex for me, although it sure does turn me on. It's also an entre into a mystical place similar to a walking meditation. The everyday world recedes, and I become more in touch with my own nature and with my higher power. Through exploring my BDSM orientation, I became more grounded and focused.

    This book is a collection of columns that I wrote over the last few years as I recovered from a very painful breakup (just like a country song). The first section includes my personal reflections about being a Submissive, a Switch, and yes, a Dominant too. The second section includes the writing I've done in some unconventional, and sometimes controversial areas. The third section, Dating in the Scene follows the somewhat entertaining stories of my dating life. The fourth section, Diary of a Journalist Submissive, is the story about my experience at House Mermaid. In the fifth section I write about how the BDSM community has changed my views about our place in society. Finally, I write about being "Sensuous Sadie," and how being a leader and a writer has changed my life.

    I'm hoping my travels through these strange and mystical places will light your path as well.


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It's Not About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene + Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude
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Product details

  • Paperback: 236 pages
  • Publisher: Trafford Publishing (6 July 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1412001838
  • ISBN-13: 978-1412001830
  • Product Dimensions: 13.9 x 1.4 x 21.6 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 953,992 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

About the Author

Sensuous Sadie is a BDSM columnist and edits SCENEsubmissions, an online newsletter focusing on BDSM and spirituality. She founded Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group in 1999 and led the group until March of 2002. She now devotes her time to writing, both for her columns and her series of interviews with scene personalities called SCENEprofiles.

    Sadie lives in northern Vermont and has a great passion for its beautiful Green Mountains. She is an avid portrait photographer, works out religiously and spoils her cat Spencer, who she describes as "not remotely submissive."


Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
Some of my writing is practical, but much of it is about what's happening inside me as I explore different kinds of relationships. Read the first page
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A deeper understanding 15 Feb 2008
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
This was a well written piece of literature that fully delves into the spiritual element of BDSM. It also embraces the extreme diversity of this choice of sexuality, from the vanilla with a dash of kink to the 24/7 dynamics of dominance and submission. It is a refreshing way to explore one's preferences and not be dictated to by particular stereotypes in the scene - BDSM is your choice, after all, so it is within the respect of a loving and trusting relationship(s) between consenting parties how you wish to explore this part of the self. There were some quite humourous anecdotes in Sadie's account, such as having a submissive lover when she's essentially a more submissive switch, and dipping to get to see who bottoms! A lovely piece of reassurance to the new player and a chance to reflect for the more serious SMer.
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Amazon.com: 3.0 out of 5 stars  4 reviews
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Get to know someone kinky 15 Sep 2003
By TammyJo Eckhart - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
This is a collection of 54 columns written by Sensuous Sadie. The vast majority of these are very personal, dealing with her kink, her experiences, and her feelings. Only a few are really about topics of general information and even these are based on her experiences. Overall if you know who Sadie is and have enjoyed her online columns this book is a good way to catch up. If you aren't familiar with her, you'll get to be as you read. I really wish the entire book were organized chronologically instead of by subject because I think that would make our journey into her mind more powerful.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Disappointing 11 Aug 2007
By Mark Noble - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
A series of reprinted columns that make occasional titilating reading but more often cursory discussion of topics and disjointed reading. The title was the best part of this book.
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars a personal journal more than a book 14 Aug 2007
By Kitty - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
I got this hopeing it would give me some insight into the spritual side of bdsm, not the case with this book. Basically it is a journal of her own experiences, and not even her personal spiritual insight, which I am sure has interest to some but not what I thought it was going to be.
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