Start reading Irregular Creatures on your Kindle in under a minute. Don't have a Kindle? Get your Kindle here.

Deliver to your Kindle or other device

 
 
 

Try it free

Sample the beginning of this book for free

Deliver to your Kindle or other device

Read books on your computer or other mobile devices with our FREE Kindle Reading Apps.
Irregular Creatures
 
 

Irregular Creatures [Kindle Edition]

Chuck Wendig
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)

Kindle Price: £0.77 includes VAT* & free wireless delivery via Amazon Whispernet
* Unlike print books, digital books are subject to VAT.



Product Description

Product Description

Contained within are nine stories featuring bizarre beasties, mythological mutants, and overall “irregular creatures” – including flying cats, mermaids, Bigfoot, giant chickens, and mystic hobo hermaphrodites.

Features 45,000 words of horror, fantasy, science-fiction and humor.

The collection features the following nine tales:

DOG-MAN AND CAT-BIRD (A FLYING CAT STORY)

Joe’s got job woes and family problems, and it’s made all the more complicated by a cat who dies on his porch one night – or, so Joe believes. The cat is not only dead, but it appears to be some kind of improbable mutant: a cat with wings. The cat initially complicates Joe’s life as he hides it from his family, but he soon learns that more may be at stake than he realized. Little does he know, a battle for good and evil, between Heaven and Hell, is about to be fought in his garage.

A RADIOACTIVE MONKEY

That bartender you really like, well, she just whipped up a potent cocktail called a “Radioactive Monkey.” Would you drink it? (Hint: you shouldn’t.) Jonny Stoops, however, decided to take the plunge. (Hint: it doesn't end well.)

PRODUCT PLACEMENT

Imagine one morning you wake up and you discover that the world is now home to products you don’t recognize but everyone else does. Flix candy bars? Jack Kenny whiskey? Burrito Hut? Donnie’s never heard of these brands, but those around him say such products are beloved and have been here for years. Donnie’s quest to discover the truth – and prove he’s not nuts – reveals a marketing and advertising scheme not of this dimension.

THIS GUY

"Every day, I catch him before he makes it to the China Skillet... I drag him into the alleyway, and I beat him with a tire iron. Sometimes, I stab him with a kitchen knife. I do this every day. I think it's starting to affect me." Every day is the same for the protagonist: get up, drive to work, and on the way there, beat some zombie to death. Next day? Zombie’s back. It would take a toll on one’s sanity, wouldn’t it?

MISTER MHU’S PUSSY SHOW

Nolan seeks untold pleasures, but never finds them: not until now, when he becomes swiftly obsessed with Tasanee, a Bangkok dancer at a hole-in-the-wall club. He is driven to pursue her at any cost, but what he finds at the end of his obsession is not pleasure, but pain.

LETHE AND MNEMOSYNE

Old age wreaks havoc on the body and mind, and in this flash fiction that has been never more apparent than when a senile old man’s children exhort him to remember the means by which he controlled the giant chicken wreaking havoc back home.

THE AUCTION

Benjamin’s father shows his son the secret behind his job: he is a buyer and seller of very forbidden things, magical things, objects of a fantastical purview. He takes his son to “The Auction,” a place where anything can be bought and sold: mythological creatures, insane machines, haunted and horrific artifacts. Benjamin is lead astray by a religious man with pious words but sinister intent. When Benjamin encounters a sickly mermaid on the auction block, can the boy step in and avert disaster?

BEWARE OF OWNER

A short story of how father teaches son: Dad teaches the boy that you don’t need to beware of a dog, but you damn well better beware of owner.

DO-OVERS AND TAKE-BACKS

Taye and Beau are two characters from two different worlds: the first a boy in the city projects, the second a rich man with a hollow life and an estranged family. But a bizarre figure steps in as catalyst – an inhuman “Rag-Man” appears and draws connections between the two characters that could not have existed before.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 261 KB
  • Print Length: 138 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Terribleminds; First Kindle Edition edition (6 Jan 2011)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004IARV00
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray: Not Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #156,662 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
  •  Would you like to give feedback on images?


More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, and more.

What Other Items Do Customers Buy After Viewing This Item?


Customer Reviews

4 star
0
3 star
0
2 star
0
1 star
0
5.0 out of 5 stars
5.0 out of 5 stars
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
This self-published Kindle book was another title that I bought purely through seeing people on Twitter praising it (I can't remember who it was in this instance).

I have read a few reviews of this book and quite a few talk about the excessive profanity found within it. In my view it isn't excessive at all, the gritty and often nasty realism of the characters cries out to be voiced by the appropriate language. If you do not like reading profanity in any context then this will not be the book for you. The stories contained in this book are so diverse and bizarre that I found I had to stop and think after the first page of each one to adjust. Unusually for a collection of short stories I did not find any of them particularly weak, and would quite happily read anyone of them again. My favourite was probably the first one titled "Dog-Man and Cat-Bird (A Flying Cat Story)" which really sets the tone by bashing down all those rules and how thing are. The Acknowledgements and Foreward are also worth stopping to read, and I hope like me you are chuckling out loud on your sofa, on a train, or even sitting on the porcelain throne.

I enjoyed this book immensely and plan to look out for Double Dead later in the year.
Comment | 
Was this review helpful to you?
5.0 out of 5 stars Unusual tales from the mind of Chuck W... 23 Aug 2012
By Stephen Emm TOP 1000 REVIEWER
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
A collection of Chuck Wendig's short stories. If you like Chuck's style then this'll be more of the same, albeit in a shorter format.

If you don't know his writing then this might be a good introduction - although, by necessity of the format, his character development isn't on show so much as in the novels (Blackbirds: (Angry Robot): 1, Double Dead and Bait Dog: An Atlanta Burns Novel).

The stories are well constructed, unusual, typically dark and sometimes downright gruesome - I enjoyed every one.
Comment | 
Was this review helpful to you?
Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 4.7 out of 5 stars  43 reviews
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Mad genius penmonkey Chuck Wendig strikes again! 12 Jan 2011
By Elizabeth A. White - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition
Feeling a little post-holiday blues? Housebound by the Snowpocalypse? Well I've got something to occupy your time and cheer you up: Irregular Creatures, the new short story collection from mad genius penmonkey Chuck Wendig. Anyone familiar with Chuck's always inspired, take-no-prisoners style of blogging over at TerribleMinds already knows how talented of a writer he is. I'll do my best to convey the sheer awesomeness that is Irregular Creatures, but it's really something you should do yourself a favor and experience firsthand. Here we go...

"Dog-Man and Cat-Bird (A Flying Cat Story)" - Seems kind of odd to call a short story epic, but this one certainly is. Joe, a struggling sculptor, gets more than a bad night's sleep when he's banished to the sofa one night after an argument with his wife. An injured cat shows up at the back door and, when Joe tries to shoo it away, promptly dies. Or so Joe thought: I came back to the garage, only to find that the cat had sprouted wings. This was not a possibility I had considered, nor was it a possibility I accepted upon its discovery. And yet not only does he come to accept it, but when he discovers his son is a pawn in a battle between good and evil Joe realizes that Cat-Bird is much more than a genetic freak. This is my favorite story in the collection, and it's worth the price of admission for this one alone.

"A Radioactive Monkey" - A cautionary tale about the dangers of drinking strange concoctions, especially if done to impress a beautiful woman you barely know. This one would be right at home as a Tales From the Crypt episode.

"Product Placement"- You wouldn't think a candy bar could have inter-dimensional ramifications, but buying a "Flix Bar" is exactly the thing that starts Donnie's trip into a bizarre world where product placement takes on a whole new meaning. Oh, and you'll never look a 9-volt battery quite the same way again.

"This Guy" - "Every day, I catch him before he makes it to the China Skillet... I drag him into the alleyway, and I beat him with a tire iron. Sometimes, I stab him with a kitchen knife. I do this every day. I think it's starting to affect me." A peek into a man's descent into insanity, this one can be described as Groundhog Day gone murderously, insanely awry.

"Mister Muh's Pussy Show" - "God didn't live here. Wouldn't even show his face lest the sin burn out his eyes." A gaijin in Bangkok gets much more than he bargains for when he pursues a mysterious beautiful woman after seeing her perform at a sex show. Vegas may be known as "Sin City," but it's got nothing on Wendig's Bangkok.

"Lethe and Mnemosyne" - Shortest of the collection at a mere two pages, this one is definitely a hit and run of the "What the hell?" variety. (And I mean that in the best possible way.) The title refers to the Greek goddesses of forgetfulness (Lethe is also one of the five rivers of Hades) and memory, and the juxtaposition of the two perfectly sums up a story that manages to get in both a giant chicken and a mermaid in under two pages.

"The Auction" - My second favorite of the collection. This one truly takes you down the rabbit hole to a place where anything you can imagine - and quite a bit you couldn't possibly- is up for auction at a mysterious once a year gathering. Young Benjamin finds himself there in the company of his father, a veteran of the gathering whose job it is to procure items for his boss. As young boys are want to do, however, Benjamin wanders off, and finds himself in the company of a pseudo holy man on a mission of ill intent, Bigfoot, a woebegone mermaid, and a mischievous telepathic creature that gives Benjamin an unforgettable lesson in trust and independent thinking. Very Clive Barker-esque.

"Beware of Owner" - Pretty bleak, this one, but with a pitch black vein of humor running through it. Takes the annoyance we all feel with door-to-door salesmen and other uninvited cold-callers to an extreme we may have secretly fantasized about but would never act on... most of us, anyway.

"Do-Overs and Take-Backs" - Wendig's got a healthy streak of naughty nine-year-old in him, so he likes to pitch this story as being the one with the mystic hobo hermaphrodite. Ok, it does have a mystic hobo hermaphrodite, but there's really a lot more going on here. At heart, "Do-Overs" is a "be careful what you wish for" tale, with a sprinkling of searching for redemption mixed in... yes, with a mystic hobo hermaphrodite. Grow up already. Sheesh!

The stories in Irregular Creatures run the gamut: from fantasy to science fiction, horror to humor, there's a little bit of everything going on. If you like short stories, have a sense of adventure, or just want to be a mensch and support an author who really deserves it, give Irregular Creatures a go. You'll be amazed, amused, entertained, and even potentially horrified, but you won't be disappointed.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Wordmonkey on fire 12 Jan 2011
By Kristin L Molnar - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition
This is a fantastic collection of short stories. I devoured it as quickly as one can while chasing a two year old around the house. Wendig's blunt delivery is refreshing. It's alternately sad, funny, horrific, weird and just plain awesome. In the immortal words of Yo Gabba Gabba (hey, I have a toddler, this is my life) "Try it, you'll like it."
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Confessions of a Wenbagger 14 Jan 2011
By Rick A. Carroll - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
I've been a fan of Chuck Wendig for a while now, and last year I was very lucky to not only make a connection with him, but to start calling him a friend. Not a friend in the "hey dude, lend my twenty bucks and don't look at my girl like that" sort of way, more in the "I've got a giant wad of cabbage in my pocket, and it's your fault" way. What does that mean? God only knows. God only knows.

From the very first story, Irregular Creatures grabs you. What you could simply shunt off as a silly premise grips you with strong characters, sharp writing, and amazingly vivid imagery that puts you right in the moment. You aren't simply along for the ride, you are put into the world and Chuck creates and you can feel it live and breathe, and that is a damn sexy thing.

Don't buy this book because it might be good, buy it because you have been good and deserve a treat. You deserve it. Treat yourself right.
Were these reviews helpful?   Let us know
Search Customer Reviews
Only search this product's reviews

Customer Discussions

This product's forum
Discussion Replies Latest Post
No discussions yet

Ask questions, Share opinions, Gain insight
Start a new discussion
Topic:
First post:
Prompts for sign-in
 


Active discussions in related forums
Discussion Replies Latest Post
Books that publicly embarrassed you 269 3 hours ago
Great Authors who are ignored probably because they haven't been on a reality show 56 3 hours ago
Come on - why don't we write our own book right here in the fiction forum ? I'll do the first sentence, and then jump in....hold on, here we go... 7126 6 hours ago
What are you reading now? 8064 6 hours ago
Authors: please do not self-promote on this forum 3632 6 hours ago
how much can you trust an editor? 12 6 hours ago
Suggest me a series!! No smut romance or kids books 53 7 hours ago
Wow! Author found guilty! 5 7 hours ago
Search Customer Discussions
Search all Amazon discussions
   
Related forums


Look for similar items by category


Amazon Media EU S.à r.l. Privacy Statement Amazon Media EU S.à r.l. Delivery Information Amazon Media EU S.à r.l. Returns & Exchanges