Made in Scotland from girders. Irn Bru (which is Scottish for Iron Brew for all you soft southern nancies) has more chemicals than a Chernobyl river and barely a trace of natural ingredients. Rumour has it that Barrs make the stuff by collecting the rivets that fall off the Forth Rail Bridge into the river below and storing them in barrels of water collected from puddles in the Clyde dockyards for three years.
The fizz comes from the little nugget of Plutonium 239 at the bottom of every can. Keep that! If you collect enough of them you could build your own nuclear bomb*. Amaze your friends and strike fear into your enemies' very hearts!
And if you ever see someone drinking diet Irn Bru, glass him**.
*Joke. But the rest of the review is TRUE, I tell you!
*OK that was another joke. But the rest of the review is really is true, I promise.