The Invisible Girl: A father's moving story of the daughter he lost [Hardcover]

 

 

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Deborah would not have wanted this. Making money from Deborah's death at the expense of her dignity, intelligence and strength. After years of combating stereotypes and preconceived ideas about young women.. her memory has been permanently tainted by this sentimentalised, one-sided, tabloid portrayal of a woman who was in reality so much more. This book is cheap and unworthy of the association.

What a terrible book. Seems to be a guilt ridden father busy pointing fingers elsewhere. Not a pleasant memorial for Debbie Barham.

The subject matter is obviously highly sensitive and my review may upset those close to Debs, but I feel I need to be honest in my opinion of the book. I am not blaming anyone but do question the book as a whole...

Barham focuses entirely on the genius daughter (as if the price of being a genius is the pain that she went through). This theme is totally in-your-face throughout and he breaks the ONE essential rule of writing, 'don't tell, show'. This means that it is not an easy read and things are just thrown at the reader without us gently being led to our own conclusions.

As soon as I read that Barham had only lived with Debs for 9 months of her 26 years I lost total confidence in the narrator. This information keeps forcing you to question how he can write a book about something as complex as anorexia and a daughter he hardly spoke to for most of her life.

There is an 'essay' at the end of the book that Debbie had published in a book under a different name. Barham believes that this was about her mother. I think it is terribly wrong and insensitive of Barham to publish it here. He said that he was sure Debs wanted her mother to realise it was based on her because of the factual information that, apparently, proved she wanted her mother to recognise herself, (what makes Barham think the mother would even know to buy the book in the first place? And, as he had already said, he bought the book and hadn't even realised Debs had written it until after her death when he found the royalty cheque. So why would her mother recognise it?). As a writer myself, I can identify with what Debs was doing. Facts and fiction go hand in hand. It doesn't mean the finished piece is fact and it doesn't mean the feelings of the persona are her own feelings.
But the real point is, Debs changed her name for this piece and I seriously feel her father should have respected her wishes and not published it here. It reads as if he was spitefully 'proving' it was someone else's fault and not his (another common theme throughout the book which makes for uncomfortable reading).

I believe, as with any person with anorexia, there was a tiny bit of Debs that wanted some help and treatment. The only time that there is no hope is when a person is dead, until then there is something to work with, no matter how small that part is. It is crazy to realise she lived for more than 2 years between 4 and 5 and a half stone. How could they not have sectioned her? I realise Debbie said that treatment would take away her writing during time as an IP but as Barham admitted himself, it was her writing that was reinforcing her anorexic state (she was living off her writing). She needed time in hospital to break away from her writing for work, to break away from the routine she'd created which was destroying her, and she should have had a chance to heal. She was never given that chance. I feel the need to clarify here that I am not attacking Barham for not forcing IP treatment on Debs because, for whatever reasons, everyone does their best at the time and in hindsight we may have done something differently.

However, Barham has remarkably little insight into anorexia. There was no depth or understanding into the anorexic world. There are comments throughout which also confirm his insensitive approach:
There is one part when he went to an IP place and was shocked to see some of the IPs. But at this point he says he remembered Debs was far worse than these people. To be honest I find that very difficult to believe becuase we're talking about an NHS IP hospital and the only patients they take in are near death.

But, with the above example in mind, Barham's constant referring
to health in terms of weight is what clearly shows he has no idea about the disease and what happens in the mind. He obviously views EDs as non-critical if a person is a higher weight. This only feeds the anorexic mind.
These are common mistakes that people make when they first have to deal with someone who is anorexic. But Barham had lived for 9 months with Debs and then decided to write a book about the whole of her life. I do think there should have been much more depth, or an attempt to understand her disease.

I guess, more than anything, the book made me angry. It lacked real insight which would be vital if Barham wants to help other families, as he says he does.
Barham appears to want to blame someone and give reasons for her illness (sometimes there are no reasons); and lastly I really do feel Debbie wasn't given the chance to find her true self.
The reasons given for not sectioning Debs do seem rather wet. Of course she would have been angry if people went behind her back (just like any other anorexic would be), and of course she would feel destroyed if she were sectioned but these are feelings that she could have worked through with the experts in an eating disorder uinit. It may not have worked at all, but at least there would have been a chance.

And the final absurdity is when Barham says he does not want Debs to be remembered as an anorexic. So why has he written the book then?

This is a very sad story about a girl who simply could not survive in the world without proper help.
But because of the attacks on others and the lack of insight you can't help thinking there's going to be another book on the way:
Debbie Barham: The Real Story by Barham's ex.

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1.0 out of 5 stars The Invisible Girl
Out of principle I wish I had never read this book.

Written by a father who was absent from his daughters life - but her after death manages to write a biography about... Read more

Published 1 day ago by fentoni69

3.0 out of 5 stars mixed feelings
I've read through the other reviews, and I have to say that I agree with both the negative and positive comments about this book. Read more

Published 15 months ago by Dr. CL Gooch

5.0 out of 5 stars Pulling at all your emotions...
This is an unusual acheivement, by turns hilarious and utterly tragic. The hilarity is supplied by Debbie (D.A. Read more

Published on 3 Oct 2008 by Ms. Felicia Davis-burden

4.0 out of 5 stars Compellingly readable
I have to admit, after just finishing this book, that I agree in part with all previous reviews, in that it is a fascinating story about a hugely talented girl who accomplished so... Read more

Published on 10 Sep 2007 by Mrs. J. Redmond

3.0 out of 5 stars Whatever you say...
Despite what people are saying about Mr Barham not being allowed to write the book- well- firstly, it's HIS daughter- I'd want my daughter to be remembered too! Read more

Published on 9 July 2007 by Only Me

3.0 out of 5 stars totally confused me
The invisible girl is a story that totally confused me and I believe should not have been written about anorexia or the death of some one who had the disease unless they truly... Read more

Published on 20 Feb 2007 by S. Wallace

4.0 out of 5 stars Compulsive.
I read this book very quickly devouring every word. However i read it feeling all of Debs emotions, anger, fear, loss of control, determination and hope. Read more

Published on 14 Jan 2007 by Sukey

5.0 out of 5 stars truely heart breaking.
I have recently just finished this heart breaking true story..... and wot a book it is. at first i thought i wasnt going to like it, but as i got more and more into it i didnt... Read more

Published on 23 Sep 2006 by Ms. K. E

4.0 out of 5 stars Would she really have wanted this....?
If you want to know the achievements of 'Deb's Barham' then this is the book for you.

Anorexia is a living nightmare for the people that care about the person... Read more

Published on 18 Aug 2006 by J. Halliday

4.0 out of 5 stars good read
Excellently written, although a very depressing topic and a tragic end this book helped me understand more about anorexia. Read more

Published on 31 July 2006 by J. WALKER

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