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Illegal Aliens [Kindle Edition]

Nick Pollotta , Phil Foglio
3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)

Print List Price: £12.95
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Book Description

Prof. Rajavur and his 'First Contact Team' had been patiently waiting years for aliens to land on Earth.

Leader Idow and the crew of the starship, All That Glitters, were just looking for an unknown planet where they could land and have a little fun teasing the primitive natives.

So it was pure bad luck that the first humans the alien tricksters encounter is a ruthless New York City street gang, the Bloody Deckers. With more starships landing and the world in chaos, Rajavur and his First Contact Team have to move fast in a desperate plan to rescue the innocent aliens from the evil street gang! Then again, maybe they should join forces with the street gang to protect the Earth from the furious aliens?

Best-Selling author Nick Pollotta and Hugo award winning illustrator Phil Foglio have packed this one-of-a-kind science fiction comedy full of thrilling combat, nuclear agents, planetary blockades, Omega Gas, the galactic police, Russian-doll-style Dyson spheres, a giant flying refrigerator, big juju, a high-stakes game of poker, space battles, warobots, the trail of the millennium, bar fights, naughty lingerie, lost civilizations, the United Nations Space Marines, lost civilizations, group sex, and delicious fried chicken.

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Review

A brilliant satire! -- SF Digest magazine 1991

I laughed until my sides ached! -- STARLOG Magazine

Just for laughs! -- Analog Magazine, 1990

Pollotta & Foglio, names to remember! -- MYSTERY SCENE Magazine, 1991

Very funny! -- LOCUS Magazine, 1990

From the Publisher

Best-Selling author Nick Pollotta and Hugo award winning illustrator Phil Foglio have packed this one-of-a-kind science fiction comedy full of thrilling combat, nuclear agents, planetary blockades, Omega Gas, the galactic police, Russian-doll-style Dyson spheres, a giant flying refrigerator, big juju, a high-stakes game of poker, space battles, warobots, the trail of the millennium, bar fights, naughty lingerie, lost civilizations, the United Nations Space Marines, group sex, and delicious fried chicken.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 718 KB
  • Print Length: 280 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Wildside Press (14 Feb. 2011)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004PYDS24
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Not Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #468,544 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars SURRENDER DIRT...er, EARTH! 9 Dec. 2003
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
The Icelandic diplomat, Prof. Rajavur and his United Nations ‘First Contact Team’ had been patiently waiting years for aliens to land on Earth.
Leader Idow and the crew of the starship, All That Glitters, were just looking for an unknown planet where they could land and have a little fun teasing the primitive natives.
It was pure bad luck that the first humans the alien tricksters encounter was a ruthless New York City street gang.
Best-Selling author Nick Pollotta and Hugo award winning illustrator Phil Foglio have packed this one-of-a-kind science fiction comedy full of thrilling combat, nuclear agents, planetary blockades, Omega Gas, the galactic police, Russian-doll-style Dyson spheres, a giant flying refrigerator, big juju, a high-stakes game of poker, space battles, warobots, the trail of the millennium, bar fights, naughty lingerie, lost civilizations, the United Nations Space Marines, group sex, and delicious fried chicken.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Illegal Aliens 28 Mar. 2011
Format:Kindle Edition
Funny as hell, bought this book 20 years ago as a paperback, been looking to get it replaced for years (falling apart) totaly recommend this book to anyone.
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0 of 3 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars this is a review of the Kindle version 27 Jan. 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
The content of the book rates 5 stars as it is a great read, however since I am reviewing the Kindle version it can only have 1 star (0 if allowed) since the lending feature is not enabled, no hiding behind publisher decisions Amazon. This is MY property, I do not object to DRM for preventing multiple copies but it's MY book and I want my friends to read it too!
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 4.8 out of 5 stars  41 reviews
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars so glad to see this in print again! If you dont know what the cold war was see update! 3 Jan. 2005
By Brian E. Hunt - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
So nice to see this puppy back in print! all you folks selling it for 80.00+ go soak your dirty heads! One of the great stories from TSR's heyday. I read this sucker the first time while a senior in high school way back in 89 and it still makes me bust a gut! Fun,wacky and a great read!update 2/18/06 I guess I should add this book is extremely sarcastic,sophmoric and juvenile(it was intended for teens after all)I do think the way it portrays humankind as self absorbed and unable to accept defeat is right on(its at once a strength and a weakness). I guess if you were teenager reading it for the first time, and never lived during the cold war you might rate 2-3 stars
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A brilliant satire of humanity's first contact with aliens. 18 Feb. 2004
By A Customer - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This is by far one of my favorite books. Briefly, it concerns mankind's reaction to the landing of an alien spaceship in Central park.
This book is somewhat distinctive in that it takes into account both humanity's resourcefulness and its perversity. With humor typical of the authors, in a linguistic mishap the aliens accidently abduct a street gang instead of the construction crew they had had their sights on. The resulting hijinks end with the Earth being put on Galactic interdiction, complete with a police blockade.
Naturally, humanity isn't going to take this insult lying down! I mean, they're only aliens, after all. The second part of the novel deals with the good guys' attempt to contact the ruling council of the Galaxy in a half completed spaceship built with stolen and barely understood technology. In the process, they must defeat an interstellar blackmarketeer and criminal organization, in addition to the Great Golden Ones (the star cops).
This book will have you in stitches within the first chapter-- guaranteed. Don't pick it up unless you have a healthy chunk of free time on your hands, or extrodinary willpower. You won't be able to put it down.
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Aliens Attack! - well sort of..... 7 Jan. 2005
By K. Maxwell - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This novel was more fun than I anticipated. Aliens land in New York and the UN first contact team takes over the world to deal with them. This is almost 2 books. The first half deals with the first aliens who land on earth and the second half what earth does in retaliaton to what they find out about people-out-there.

This book sends up tonnes of standard SF stories and is fully tounge-in-cheek. It has a cast of eccentric characters and aliens who really aren't any better or worse than humanity itself.

For a fun satire on the whole SF genre this book is a good read (as long as you aren't expecting anything too sophisticated..)
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The funniest book I have ever read. Period. 17 Dec. 2002
By Howard C. Berkowitz - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
I have one special bookshelf in a glass-fronted cabinet. It primarily contains books that I have written, some treasured personal mementoes, the ashes of my beloved cats, and one other book: Illegal Aliens. It deserves that special handling.
Aside from the vivid descriptions, wonderful puns, and TRULY weird extraterrestrials, it actually teaches lessons about how things get miscommunicated among cultures and subcultures.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Don't Be Fooled! 29 Nov. 2006
By Andreas M. Alvine - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Like I said, Don't be fooled by other reviews on this book. I hate to read since a lot of what I had to read in High School was complete drivel to me and put me off of reading for a long time. Anybody who gave this story a bad review probably loves Henry David Thoreau poems and that was one classic author who needed to be put out of his misery before he published his acclaimed TRASH!

Phil Phoglio is more of an illustrator but also wrote in his own fair right {Myth Adventures, VERY HIGHLY RECCOMMENDED BY ME AT LEAST} but this was a cooperative effort and it paid off. This was one of the few books that I read cover to cover non-stop. Just when you thought you were going to predict what was to come the autors threw something new into the mix catching the reader by surprise. The remarks of the humor being sexist by other reviewers shows the poor level of their understanding of the 'human condition' or cultural behavior. We are all sexist pigs at heart and the idea of a New York street gang taking control of a powerful star ship and being faked out by special forces soldiers described as goergous women in bakinis delivering a huge stack of pizzas fit well. What the hell does one think a bunch of adolesent punks would want when in control of a star ship? Money, Cars, and beautiful women (none of which they could afford or get since they were adolescent punks in New York city). If you want sexist try "Star Trek the next Generation" (granted not a book but a fine example of my point). Captian Picard is a diplomacy spouting liberal sissy boy too afraid to get any woman who threw herself at him in bed blowing around in a galaxy where all the aliens have nothing more than a pat of latex on their foreheads while the second in command Will Riker was falling in love with every new alien they came across in every episode. It was nothing but the Love Boat with Photon Torpedos. Next Gen had more sex (and inter species sex) in it than all of the seasons of the Love Boat put together. At least with Babylon 5 the idea of inter species sex was covered very well. Many times there were compatability issues preventing it from happeneing and other times the non-humans being proposed didn't take it well. It would be like getting busy with a dog to them. To call Illegal Aliens sexist is short sighted. Needless to say I lost all respect with Star trek thanks to Next Gen. Illegal Aliens was refreshment for the mind in a world of mediocer sci-fi. I thought the real good sci-fi died in the mid sixties and yes I read A LOT of paperback sci-fi from the fifties and sixties. Issac Asimov was a brilliant author in his day as was Authur C. Clark so I do feel qualified to rate the quality of this story. Titles like Analog and Sci-Fi weekly should come to mind with any avid Sci-Fi reader and I liked a lot of what they contained. Red Sands of Mars was around long before the movie (which stunk) Red Planet came out. I could go on with the titles of sci-fi books I read in the past but I am addressing Illegal Aliens which was the most unique sci-fi written in recent history. it does not beat an old idea into the ground.

This story was well laid out and flowed evenly with surprise after surprise and many of the aliens were nothing like what any sci-fi autor would describe like the R'porrians. R'porrains are cockroaches with a penchant for destroying other planets' economies and stripping them of all their resources and they are so prolific they were blockaded on their homeworld by the galactic federation. Another oddity was Silverside, an intellagent Death Machine with free will who became a crime lord. What was even funnier was how frustrated the Gee (the galactic police force) got while trying to catch up with "the All That Glitters" {the stolen space ship that landed in Central Park in the beginning of the book} while it was crewed by humans trying to make it to the headquarters of the Galactic Federation.

If anything this is one book that dearly needs to be made into a movie or an animation. This is not Star Trek at all and does not take any political stance one way or the other. This is not what I would consider intellectual reading and if that is what you seek GO ELSEWHERE AND QUIT WHINING ABOUT THIS BOOK'S LACK OF WHATEVER! It was written to entertain and not in the mindless way that many other books were written. It does not cater to the least common denomonator and does not barrage you with so much technical information that it leaves many readers confused. The most technical thing said in the book was a comment the ship's engineer Trell {captured by special forces when the ship was captured from the street gang who controlled it. The original crew hated him so much he was kept locked up in the engine room because he was a pacifist and the original crew would have spaced him if they didn't need him so badly. Trell actually is an intellagent plant. Go figure.}. Trell turned out to be more than willing to tell us about the ship he manned and described the ship's need to be white as "serious mojo that made the ship go really fast" since the explanation was too complicated for us to understand. The story manages to simplify stuff that gives physics majors a bad headace and helps make the story readable.

This is one story that will not leave you behind nor is it mindless. It was written with heart and deserves to be read. The only thing this story lacks is being a more visual experience where many reviewers who had to complain might finally understand. If you need an epic go read "war and peace" and quit complaining. This is no classic like the "Illiad and the Odessy" or "MacBeth" but what the hey, This is not placed in the past or writen in the past and is not intended for scientific reading or gripping social commentery. it is a funny story and nothing else. It was not intended to be openly sarchastic about any one thing in particular. It lacks the dry sacastic tones of Monty Python but it does posses a more subtle hint of it. It is not a social commentary ever so popular to the liberal crowd. It does say some mild things about our society but not enough to detract from the main plot of the story which was us seeking admittance into the Galactic Federation once we found out about its exsistance in a stolen space ship.

Come into this book with an open mind and don't look for this to be a serious read. Nick Pollatta did a great job writing this story and as long as you are not reading this as an intellectual (the bane of entertainment) you will be pleased. You also will be wondering why nobody put this to film yet!
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