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If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World
 
 
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If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World [Paperback]

Dan Neuharth
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
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If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World + Toxic Parents; Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life + When You and Your Mother Can't be Friends
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Product details

  • Paperback: 245 pages
  • Publisher: HarperPerennial; 1st Cliff Street Books/HarperPerennial Ed edition (Oct 1999)
  • Language English
  • ISBN-10: 0060929324
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060929329
  • Product Dimensions: 20.7 x 13.6 x 1.7 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 83,168 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Dan Neuharth
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Product Description

Synopsis

A guide delineates eight types of parents whose need for control can harm their children and offers suggestions for breaking that destructive cycle of control and healing life-negating wounds.

Inside This Book (Learn More)
First Sentence
Healthy parenting is simple: Raise children well and set them free Being a healthy child is also simple: Play, learn, grow up, and leave home But while both job descriptions are simple, neither is easy. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
19 of 19 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
ALL parents are controlling, they have to be, but sometimes "absolute power, corrupts absolutely"! It's when the boundaries of normal controls are pushed into the abusive or extreme catagories that life-long problems can arise.

If You Had Controlling Parents... is a fascinating look at different styles of extreme control, and their effects on the children (and now adults) they are targeted on.

Parenting (especially in these trying times) is difficult and complex and the trap many of us seem to fall into is to either repeat the mistakes our parents made or to go in the totally opposite direction in an effort to NOT do so. This books is about helping to find the balance.

It is said that those that forget the past (or history) are doomed to repeat it. This book is a tremendous first step in recognizing certain unhealthy patterns, learning to cope with them and thus heal from them and thereby being able to prevent them from re-occuring in the furture.

As a parent myself (coming from a controlling environment) I saw snippets of myself and my style and was able to re-adjust my thinking on certain issues with my own children. Raising emotionally healthy children is a glorious undertaking and we need all the help we can get. This book should definitely be in the arsenal as preventative medicine!

J.R. Burton

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17 of 17 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
Dr. Neuharth's book is not, as the title might suggest, a diatribe against parents, nor does it suggest turning against one's parents. Rather,the logically arranged chapters help readers who suffer from depression, anxiety, perfectionism and emotionally restricted lives to sort out why they might feel the way they do. Neuharth treats his subject, and his readers, gently; his innate kindness shows through. This is not a book that preaches, or promises happiness simply by having purchased the book and flipped through the pages. "If You Had Controlling Parents" helps the reader to identify areas of unhappiness or distress in their own lives, and to explore whether or not there is a connection between such things as "chaotic" parenting (when parents' behavior is unpredictable, sometimes with bizarre reasoning, and full of mixed messages)and the potential conequences of such an unbringing, such as confusion about emotions, hypervigilance, reduced trust in others. Throughout this lucid, hopeful book, filled with stories gathered in interviews, Neuharth accords his readers great dignity and kindness. There is no dogmatism or pedantry here. On the contrary, this thoughtfully-constructed book contains insights and information to make the work of recovering from a painful childhood a little easier. Just knowing that there are other people out there who are also paying the price of an unhealthily, over-controlled upbringing, and that there is hope for healing, can be a sturdy first step. Dr. Neuharth offers a a steadying hand for that first step.
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39 of 40 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
So many self-help books are badly written, offering warmed-over rehashes of what's been said many times, or giving simplistic "Dr. Laura"-type answers to complex problems. IF YOU HAD CONTROLLING PARENTS is one of the most original, well-written, thought-provoking books I have read. This book provides the most penetrating understanding of dysfunctional family dynamics I've ever seen. I understand my controlling mother and "strong, silent" father on so many more levels than I thought possible after reading this book. The author gives many examples, exercises and questions, all of which encourage you to think for yourself -- which is particularly good after a lifetime of being told how to think.

While many self-help books help you understand a life problem but offer few tools to solve it, nearly half of this book is dedicated to offering wonderfully original ways of both healing and problem solving -- giving readers many ways to grow instead of some simple-minded pat formula.

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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Absolutely fantastic - changed my life...
This book is absolutely fantastic - it literally changed my life... I really didn't know if a book like this could help that much, but after reading it, it has helped me to... Read more
Published on 17 Mar 2009 by RJ
Not as helpful as I expected!
I really dislike reading self help books that are filled with case stories of people to illustrate the content of the chapter. Read more
Published on 3 Aug 2008 by L. Mateus
BRILLIANT AND SPOT ON
I could not put the book down, absolutley spot on! I wish I had read this book years ago. To be honest I read toxic parents (which is excellent) years ago but did not action, I... Read more
Published on 16 Mar 2004
Instead of resolving bitterness, the book provokes anger
I bought the book in the hopes of making peace with my past. Instead, I found myself more angry than ever about what happened to me. Read more
Published on 8 Feb 1999
Good overview of issues - but buy Toxic Parents first
I would recommend this book to those that have problems from childhood or those that experience acting out behaviors like anger, controlling behaviors, etc. Read more
Published on 3 Jan 1999
It made the difference between life and death (literally)
This book did not save my life: it GAVE me a life, for the first time in 38 years. I will be 39 next month; what an uncommon birthday gift Dr. Neuharth has given me. Read more
Published on 8 Nov 1998
I wish this book had been written 15 years ago.
I have been dealing with the damage caused by my controlling parents since I was 18. All my friends use to tell me, " It's in the past, get over it". Read more
Published on 10 Oct 1998
I loved this book!
I did not personally grow up controlled, but my husband had the most controlling father and mother on the planet. Read more
Published on 30 Sep 1998
Not very helpful
I found this book disappointing -- I got a copy, went through it quickly, and shipped it right back. Read more
Published on 23 Sep 1998
Terrific book
I can't believe no one has written this until now! Maybe the honor-your-father-and-mother injunctions of the bible and society go deeper than we think. I loved this book. Read more
Published on 22 Sep 1998
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