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If Only I Had Told [Kindle Edition]

Esther W.
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (52 customer reviews)

Print List Price: £6.99
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Book Description

‘The satanic sex ring takes place around a quarry, near your friend’s house. As well as your family there are four others, so far that we know of, involved.’
When her dad was arrested and imprisoned for violently abusing his 15 children, Esther thought her life could begin at last.
She couldn't have been more wrong. Another man was ready to take advantage of this vulnerable girl. Social services stepped in again, but this time they made things much, much worse . . .
If Only I Had Told is Esther’s personal and very brave memoir that tells the truth about Orkney’s 1991 satanic sex scandal. It is a shocking account of how two evil men and a flawed system let down not just a young girl but a whole community.

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Product Description

Book Description

The truth about Orkney’s satanic ritualistic sex abuse, from a girl at the centre of the controversy

About the Author

Esther W. spent much of her childhood growing up on South Ronaldsay in Orkney, where her father was convicted of physical and sexual abuse. Today, Esther has a BA in Design and lives in the West Midlands. Her website and blog is, where she charts the day to day demands of being a mother to two wonderful and very active boys while breaking the chains of her past.

Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 798 KB
  • Print Length: 354 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 1448147727
  • Publisher: Ebury Digital (23 May 2013)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (52 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #114,566 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars By Reason of Courage 2 Aug. 2013
Esther W's story is one of the tempest braved again and again. It seems impossible to believe, yet it is so. That a child can be so abused and yet retain her humanity, even seeing hope in love without that love being doomed by a past unimaginable to most of us has an air of the miraculous about it. This story is an exposition of the indomitable spirit of the human condition; and whilst, in reading it, one wishes constantly to save her from the dark forces of the family, the machinations of others, and the institutional corruption of a careless society, one also realises that it is, as all biographies go, the past, and that the journey has already been made, the suffering undergone, the price paid. What one is then left with is the wonderment that this girl has taken up her pen and laid down her pain, exposing what is essentially evil, and in doing so taking this second journey, the revisited nightmare that was once her life. The powerlessness of her predicament over events beyond her control, her suffering and the horror of her existence are lent to us as a warning to the present and future. Her survival against such great odds is a boon to goodness, and the birth of her two sons in being the catalyst which perpetuated this cathartic journey also represents continuance, alluding to Esther's courage in moving forward, refusing to be trapped by her terrible past, and in doing so having the insight to break the cycle of evil. This true story is nothing less than a lesson for life and, as such, it will continue to resonate down the years.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
By katie
This book makes for compulsive reading. I couldn't put it down for the entire day it took me to read from start to finish. It was like reading a real-life thriller. The book works on several levels:- as a chilling account of a psychopathic father's terrifying treatment of his family; as an amazing survival story of how that family coped and came through albeit with some casualties; and as a damning indictment on the total failure of the seriously flawed child-protection system which in its turn became the abuser and caused untold damage to the family.

Esther W is a very talented author, who cleverly takes us through her life's experiences in such a way that we not only find out what happens at every stage of the story, but we also find ourselves caught up in all its emotional pain and turmoil. This has to be the start of a promising career as a writer for this extraordinary lady. I for one, look forward to her next publication.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A story of hopelessness versus hope! 5 July 2013
By melhoo
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Congratulations Esther! This is the first book I have read having known the author. Many readers will vaguely remember the scandal of the Orkney Islands but will not be aware of the truth which is shocking. To this day, the Social Services have not been held to account. Esther is testament to the power of self-determination to escape a life of abuse everywhere she turned, of pain, suffering and hopelessness, to battle against a system which was supposed to protect her, to attain the better life she always believed was somewhere out there. However, even when one appears to have 'arrived', it is still not that easy to shake off the past but Esther proves it can be done and is an inspiration to us all, and especially to anyone experiencing a similar situation. Esther has turned out to be a beautiful person and fabulous mother and I admire her greatly.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening account of a system that failed 27 July 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
An excellent and enlightening account of events most people only read or heard about on the national media. The author shows tremendous courage in giving this insight into her and her family's experience and raises many pertinent and unresolved questions that a childcare system does not want to address itself to let alone answer.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A disturbing read 9 Oct. 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I grew up on South Ronaldsay in the 1950s and 60s. My wife and I have both read the book and both found it deeply disturbing. We well remember the publicity that the child abuse allegations were given in the media. It is truly amazing that any youngster went through what Esther went through and actually came out the other end able to write such a book. I truly hope that she can lead as normal a life as possible from now on and that the community is never again subject to such traumatic events as took place at that time. Be prepared to be shocked!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars If Only I had told 7 July 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This book kept me turning the pages wondering what was going to come next. Horrific experience, well written, been recommending this book since the day I started reading it.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliantly written book by a true survivor 9 Aug. 2013
By amy
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Coming from Inverness and remembering the Orkney case, I was intrigued as to what really happened. Totally unbelievable the damage to this family under the so-called care of Orkney Social Services! I hope that those still living who were employed by social services read this book and hang their heads in shame.
Esther, brilliant book, could not put it down. Thank you for telling your story. This should be read by anyone thinking of becoming a social worker!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Esther's story 4 Sept. 2013
By Sandy
I am grateful to Esther for writing this amazing book, for her bravery, her honesty and her writing talent; like other readers I also found it almost impossible to put down.
I hope she continues to write and finds the answers to the questions she asks at the end of the book.
She obviously is, and will continue to be, a brilliant mum.
Best wishes to her,her family and for the interview on Radio Scotland tomorrow.
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