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I Don't Want to Talk About it Paperback – 1 Mar 1998


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Product details

  • Paperback: 383 pages
  • Publisher: Newleaf (1 Mar. 1998)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0717127109
  • ISBN-13: 978-0717127108
  • Product Dimensions: 13.7 x 21.6 x 3.2 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (27 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 544,614 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Product Description

About the Author

Terence Real is a psychotherapist in private practice. He has taught couples and family therapy, principally at the Family Institute of Cambridge, for twenty years. He is also the author of How Can I Get Through to You?.

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When I stand beside troubled fathers and sons I am often flooded with a sense of recognition. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 7 May 1999
Format: Paperback
Dr. Real's approach to describing depression in men offers a broad perspective that permits coherent examination of what might otherwise appear to be unrelated male behaviors. The patterns he associates with covert depression and which he describes so lucidly will be familiar to many. Men, dare to look carefully at yourselves. Women, thoughtfully consider your partners. Sons, study your fathers, learn, and be alert for the telltale patterns in your own lives. The violence Terrence Real attributes to men who live with unidentified covert depression is not always physical. Emotional "violence" can be more pernicious because our society does not recognize it or address it as effectively as physical violence in the law and through the remedies available from our legal system. How many families have been destroyed emotionally and financially by separation and divorce, and how many children's lives have been forever altered negatively, not by intentional malice or truely irreconcilable differences between spouses, but by unrecognized and untreated depression?
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 13 July 1999
Format: Paperback
This book is a unique explanation of the causes for depression. The author writes with a profound maturity and has a wealth of fascinating case-material. This book is a must for any men's movement people, psychotherapists, anthropologists and anyone who is interested in opening up the heart.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 15 Nov. 1998
Format: Paperback
Helping people understand that male addictive behavior may be the result of untreated depression is an eye opener for both lay people and professionals. The reality of "self-medication" through substance abuse or rage abuse puts male behavior back into the hands of the man himself. How we chose to deal with our psychic pain IS a choice but not if we don't see the underlying cause. Just as depression can look like rage in men it can also look that way in women. Real's groundbreaking role as someone looking at men and depression should not be overlooked because of gender biases.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 25 April 1999
Format: Paperback
While Terrence Real's intention may have been to describe the conditions of and reactions to depression in males, his description of "covert depression" applies to many of us who were trained to ignore our feelings in favor of "making it" in the world. His descriptions of the whys and wherefores of grandiose behavior as a response to depression hit home. A wonderful, clarifying, groundbreaking look at depression and its many manifestations and the impact it has on our lives; and yet another clear insistence that connection to others is the path to finding the joy and happiness that life has to offer.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 19 Oct. 1998
Format: Paperback
Terrence Real divides depression into two categories: over and covert. The "overt" category is what folks typically mean by the word "depression": lethargy, feeling-low, feeling suicidal.
This book, however, is almost entirely about what Real calls "covert" depression -- which is often characterized by excessive activity (workaholism, rage, and so on). Some folks will quibble with whether to call "covert depression" a kind of depression. Real makes a good set of arguments.
Regardless of whether one buys into the nomenclature, however, the scientific and anecdotal evidence is quite compelling -- and amounts to one of the best investigations of what it means to be "a man" in contemporary first-world culture.... and how one can work to find relief from many of the negative roles and situations men often end up in.
Recommended.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 8 April 1999
Format: Paperback
I have read this book more times than I can count. Terrence Real strikes a chord and reveals a truth about depression in men and the societal norms (sustained by both men and women) which keep men isolated and locked in a vicious cycle of "covert" depression. Real's ideas may one day form the essential core from which all study and understanding of the changing roles of men and boys in the 20th -- 21st century are derived. He is an author and therapist who is way ahead of the curve in his chosen profession.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 22 Nov. 1998
Format: Paperback
Although a professional therapist, Terrence Real is blessedly free from jargon or the straightjacket of professional preconceptions. His language and his ideas speak directly to men who are overtly or covertly struggling with depression and, once caught, his book will hold them by its intelligence. He reaches the male "sore spots" in a way they cannot ignore and which should move many to seek help. The best hope yet for cracking the shell of masculinity's high achievers.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on 25 Jan. 1999
Format: Paperback
Having spent most of a professional career dealing with men's anger problems and how they can connect to addictions and illnesses Real's book leads the way to understanding the connections. As a seasoned therapist he has put into words my observations and understanding very well. I would recommend it to any therapist dealing with men dealing with aggression and addiction. The answers are here.
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