The Human Centipede [First Sequence] (Directors Cut) [Blu-ray]

When i first heard about this movie it seemed really intriguing to me, a mad surgeon creates a bizarre human centipede using 3 people sewn and stitched together. You hear the premise and your mind creates something monstrous and weird but the result of director Tom six's international début feature is far less frightening and strange as your mind would have created.

It stars off rather promisingly as 2 American girls on a road trip through Germany breakdown on a desolate back road and walk to find help and unknowingly stumble upon the house of a mad German Dr..and well you can probably guess the rest !

The actual centipede itself ends up being rather silly looking instead of scary, imagine 3 people on their hands and knees with the mouths pressed up against the other persons arse with their bodies attached to one another in wrapped bandages! That's about it, i really thought we were going to get some bizarre make up fx David Croneberg creation or something that was reminiscent of a creature from "The Thing" but it all ends up looking like something from a weird german sex party !

Yes the budget was low but surely they could have tried a bit harder to come up with something monstrous! Don't be suckered by the film poster, it's misleading.

Director Tom Six does show some talent and in the interviews mentions that the upcoming "Human Centipede 2" will take things to a whole new level, so hopefully we might get something in pt 2 that we thought we might get in pt 1!

The only saving grace for me was the excellent performance by German actor Dieter Lasser who's mad Dr is so insane, demented and creepy looking he should have won an award ! Tom six refers to Lasser as looking like a dehydrated Christopher walken !!

A film not without some good original ideas but the execution could have been better.

Well......if you haven't seen this little offering then good for you! I say this because I cannot get the image of the human 'pede out of my head. It pops up during my lunch, during TV, reading a book. I will be happily munching on a Mars Bar then BAM! I am the middle piece. The acting is pretty hammy (although I think it's meant to be) and what we have is a very small cast of two stranded ladies, one angry Japanese tourist, one mad doctor and two inept police officers oh and an unwanted truck driver who was quickly disposed of.

The good doctor with the idea of creating a 'human centipede' is a leading surgeon in the field of Siamese twin separation, but I think he prefers re-attachment judging by his interests. He initially creates a 'three dog' but it died, so when two hapless young ladies appear on his doorstep....well, too good an opportunity to miss! He drugs the ladies with a date-rape drug and they wake up strapped to a sturdy hospital bed each. Soon joining them is a very irate Japanese gentleman and boy is he angry. For some reason having this angry Japanese guy in the mix made it kind of more horrific. It just seemed to add an extra dimension of oddness to the madness.

Once the doctor explains the procedure, one of the horrified girls tries to escape and this buys her the reward of being the dreaded middle piece as she is soon caught and returned. I had trouble imagining how this whole centipede thing could work and I was disgustingly impressed with the cleverness of the surgery. Heading up the 'pede is Mr. Angry and in the middle is the escapee and heading up the rear is her friend. The lead guy has it the least worst (and no 'pede piece is a good piece to be) because he does not have a bum in his mouth nor a piece of intestinal tract going down his throat, and he kept his teeth and could still speak. The girls' teeth were pulled (probably so they wouldn't bite through the intestine)and they could only mumble incoherently. The three victims are connected by one long piece of intestinal tract and it travels from Mr. Angry's guts and exits his bottom which goes directly through the mouth of the middle piece girl and then out through her bottom and directly into the mouth of the end girl and they are all linked like this on their hands and knees bottom to mouth. Not the most pleasant way to interact with your fellow human. And they don't get much breathing space either. Think cheek to cheek. There is a kind of nappy between each segment to hold everything in place so there is a little bit of modesty here. Not much but a bit.

The idea of nutrition comes from the lead guy eating. Once he has eaten it will pass through him and into the middle piece, out of her and through the end piece before finally being evacuated so it is going through the digestive systems of three people. I don't see how the doctor expected that three people could get all their nutrition from one person eating as most of the valuable nutrients are absorbed once a person digests food and all that passes out is waste and toxins, so if it were to pass through the third centi-piece there would be nothing of much value left. Of course it doesn't exactly go swimmingly and for one thing the doc didn't think about the potential problems that constipation could cause.

Does the lead 'pede eat during the film? Yes he does tuck in to a bowl full of chow. Did my husband leave the room around this point? Yes. As soon as the Dr. creepily whispered 'feed her' when Mr. Angry began passing a number two my husband couldn't stomach the film any longer and as the eyes of the middle piece girl began to bulge he left the room. I had to see it through to the grim ending of course. I hear the sequel is much, much worse than this so will I watch it? Probably but it is just a movie and it sure does have the gross-out factor in bucket loads.

If you do choose to watch this film, I would not recommend watching it on a full stomach or eating too many heavy snacks during it especially chocolate ice cream, chocolate brownies, centipedes, custard and large German sausages . If age rating got higher the nastier the film, this would be about a 52 I think.

First of all, let's get one thing straight - every now and again I like to watch something skull-worryingly visceral and repulsive. Sometimes I do it to see if I can take the cringe factor and sometimes I do it because I think there might be something interesting behind all the violence. Most of the time, I am disappointed: "Frontiers". Some of the time, I am genuinely disturbed: "Texas Chainsaw Massacre". Rarely, I will watch a film which so shakes me to the core that I have to see it again and will recommend others to do the same: "Irreversible"

So, when I was told a friend of mine felt physically sick after watching this, I couldn't help but be curious. He's a weird film officionado and had introduced me to the likes of "Martyrs" - a film I absolutely love. But then I grew to judge myself for wanting to see it. It didn't seem right that I wanted to witness something so depraved. So I waited and waited till it appeared on the Syfy or Horror channel. Free terrible horror I can handle. Buying terrible horror - as I did with the pretty terrible "Mum and Dad" is unforgivable.

Thus, ensconced in my living room while the wife was away visiting friends one Sunday afternoon, I decided to take the plunge and to hell with my self-esteem. The following is a blow-by-blow account of my viewing.....
3 minutes in - random poorly-acted women in peril are getting on my nerves. I am looking forward to the forthcoming carnage. I know, harsh - but come on that's what we are here for, isn't it? Sure enough, they behave predictably and in a few minutes time end up in the lair of an obvious psycho. Why girls seem happy to be taken in by angry loners in these films.....doesn't really bother me as long as what comes next is a bit nasty. I know - I am even judging myself while I write this. But hey - YOU want to know if this film is worth watching. You can't judge me too harshly.

Anyway, I eagerly anticipate watching the scene where buttock-to-face-plasty takes place. It never arrives. We see a flap of skin being mucked about with on what looks like someone's rump, but that's about it. Not a sphinctorial attachment in sight. Bummer.

Well, anyways, there'd be the cringe-worthy scene where lead 'pede has to take a dump, surely? Well, there is but it isn't exactly stomach churning.

After that, what is there? Some guy "training" his new centipede. That's the rest of this "controversial" film - three people moving around a sterile pad doing a bizarre hybrid of the conga and oops-upside your head. There's even art-film pretensions at the end, too - as if this slice of celluloid crud has anything of meaning to say. Believe me - it doesn't.

However - if you are interested but don't want to waste too much time, try and get a DVD player that plays the film at 1x the normal rate. Fast forward to the bit where they are all 'peded up. Then get "Black Lace's Greatest Hits" and stick "The Conga" on we7 and follow that with "oops upside your head" by whoever did that. Makes a dull film very, very funny.

But please, please, please don't BUY this film. It is neither gross, nor disturbing nor sick. It's just silly. Get someone to tape it for you.

Mind you, I wonder if there are any extras on the DVD where the actors fart in each other's faces.......that'd be cooooool