How to Win Friends and Influence People [Mass Market Paperback]

The book was originally written as an accompanying text to Dale Carnegie's courses in 'Effective Speaking and Human Relations' which are still attended throughout the world by thousands of people looking to enrich their people skills.

At the end of each section, 'nutshell' comments are given to provide an overview of the concepts covered in the previous chapter. This also serves a purpose by allowing the reader to skim through the chapters after the book has been read. The nutshell comments are short and succinct and easily to recollect.

The ambiguous title of the book provides little clue as to the profundity of the contents. There are numerous self-help books out there but the benchmark has been categorically set in this field by this book. If you have never read a book of this type I wholeheartedly recommend it as a toe dipping exercise, you won't be disappointed.

The target readership of the book is difficult to define. I would definitely recommend this book be read by anyone who works in a professional capacity. But I believe the book can be quite thought provoking for anybody who has even a basic interest in human interaction or psychology.

Perhaps a small criticism is that the tone in which the book is written can become a little monotonous. However, having read the book a few times I have found the best way to get the most out the book is to read it in small concentrated sections.... This allows you to directly apply the concepts explored between 'sittings' which make the book less of a challenge to get through.

It is important to remember that this book was written quite some time ago. Therefore, it contains some material that may be perhaps a little questionable from a modern perspective. Other reviews have accused the book of possibly making shy and nervous personalities even more subservient. However, as a reader you should take an objective view when reading the book to ensure some balance.

The book is written in an old fashioned tone which some readers may not warm to. I personally found the traditional style of writing quite refreshing having read more modern versions of similar books. Once you acclimatise yourself with the style of writing the book takes on a whole new meaning.

This is not a book that you can (or should) be read once and then put on your bookshelf. The book not only offers information on human nature but also provides methods of applying the contents on a day-to-day basis.

Throughout the book there is considerable supporting anecdotal evidence that embellishes the main text. These examples are subtly incorporated which contributes to the fluency and depth of the arguments presented. Examples of case studies used include Theodore Roosevelt, Sigmund Freud, Abraham Lincoln and Al Capone. Dale Carnigie also uses true stories from participants of the original course. These wonderfully dated scenarios add a classic feel to each chapter that modern equivalents would simply not be able to capture.

In my opinion How to win friends and influence people is a timeless classic. It has wonderful charm which makes captivating and enlightening reading. A wonderfully written book with charisma and depth that may change your change your life forever, at the very least it will confirm what you already know. When applied with enthusiasm the many concepts explored in this book will undoubtedly enable you to win friends and influence people. Read more ›

As a management consultant, I am always asking our clients and potential clients what their major issues are. It almost always boils down to persuading someone else to change. In many situations, the person describes the situation as getting worse rather than better.

As I ask more questions, I soon learn that the person I am talking to is totally thinking about the issue from her or his perspective, not the perspective of the person they want to influence. Carnegie describes a situation where he and his son couldn't get a calf into the barn. They pushed and pulled, and nothing worked. A maid came out, stuck her finger into the calf's mouth to simulate feeding and the calf followed her right into the barn.

As you can tell from that example, Carnegie is a student of the stimulus-response school of human behavior. The book is divided into four sections: Handling People; Getting People to Like You; Getting People to Agree with You; and Being a Leader. Each section is comprised of a few principles, which are each exemplified in a short chapter with a number of examples. Handling people has to do with avoiding the negative and unpleasant, appreciating the other person, and making the other person eager to accomplish some goal of their own.

Each section follows the same format. Basically, it's the same way that you train any living being. You provide positive feedback to the person which makes them feel better, the person responds positively to you making you feel better, you then help the other person to link what you want to share with them with something they want.

Many people will be offended by this idea.... I have long studied that reaction and find that it relates to one of two basic assumptions: (1) the decision to act should be based on the objective merits (if I deal with emotions, I am being manipulative) or (2) I want you to acknowledge that I am right, that you are wrong, and that I am superior to you because I am right. Both of those perspectives get in the way of establishing warm human relationships. If you would rather do things without emotion, your life will be very dull. If you would always like to be right, you will be very lonely (even if you really are right).

Let's look at a more fundamental question. Can these techniques be used for questionable purpoes? Probably, is my answer. However, at some point, the person's manipulative game will be found out. See Robert Cialdini's book, Influence, on what happens to smugglers of influence over time.

The best results will come from those who have integrity and are principled. They and everyone else can see that they are pursuing something with another person that is in the best interests of that person, and that there are no hidden agendas. Here is where I think Carnegie is a little weak. You get the impression from the book that hidden agendas are okay. My experience is that all agendas should be totally upfront. Don't pretend you are trying to help someone, when all you are trying to do is sell them something they don't need. Do encourage them to get the information they need to make a good decision for themselves about your idea, product, or service. Leave the whole circumstance with a stronger, more trustworthy relationship than you started with. That's how I interpret the Dale Carnegie principles.

If you really would like to get better results in your human relationships, this book is essential reading. To skip this book would be like skipping reading and arithmetic in grade school. It contains essential tools that everyone needs to understand. Since these things are seldom taught in schools, this is a good place to start.

Modern gurus of human relationships and effectiveness like Stephen Covey and Tony Robbins have a substantial debt to Dale Carnegie. If you read all of them, you will tend to reinforce your new habits. I like the Covey and Robbins approaches as a complement to Carnegie, because both authors focus on having principles at the center of what you do. That will help reduce the risk of turning Carnegie into techniques that lead to suboptimal results, instead of a mutually reinforcing virtuous cycle for everyone.

Researchers consistently show that success in many fields (such as business, politics, and teaching) is very closely related to one's social skills. Many people will work very hard to be more successful, but skimp on the relationship aspects. That's a mistake. Work on the relationships first.

I also recommend Daniel Goleman's "Working with Emotional Intelligence" to understand these concepts and the new book, "NLP Masterclass," to help you extend these lessons with specific skills.

Enjoy having easier interactions with others, having more friends, being more influential on important subjects, being more open to being influenced by others, and leading where it needs doing!

After you finish reading this book, think about where you are trying to pull a calf where you want the calf to go. Read more ›