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How Not to Be a Professional Footballer
 
 

How Not to Be a Professional Footballer [Kindle Edition]

Paul Merson
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (61 customer reviews)

Print List Price: £7.99
Kindle Price: £5.29 includes VAT* & free wireless delivery via Amazon Whispernet
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Product Description

Review

Some of The Merse's one-liners:

"The lad's like a fish up a tree."
Translation: that player looks a little lost and out of his depth

"It's a worldy strike."
Translation: that is a world class long-range goal

Product Description

An anecdote-driven narrative of the classic footballer's ‘DOs and DO NOTs’ from the ever-popular Arsenal legend and football pundit Paul Merson, aka ‘The Merse’.

When it comes to advice on the pitfalls of life as a professional footballer, Paul Merson can pretty much write the manual. In fact, that's exactly what he's done in this hilarious new book which manages to be simultaneously poignant and gloriously funny.

Merson was a prodigiously talented footballer in the 80s and 90s, gracing the upper echelons of the game - and the tabloid front pages - with his breathtakingly skills and larger-than-life off-field persona.

His much-publicised battles with gambling, drug and alcohol addiction are behind him now, and football fans continue to be drawn to his sharp footballing brain and playful antics on SkySports cult results show Soccer Saturday.

The book delights and entertains with a treasure chest of terrific anecdotes from a man who has never lost his love of football and his inimitable joie de vivre through a 25-year association with the Beautiful Game.

The DO NOTs include:
DO NOT adopt 'Champagne' Charlie Nicholas as your mentor
DO NOT share a house with Gazza
DO NOT regularly place £30,000 bets at the bookie's
DO NOT get so drunk that you can't remember the 90 minutes of football you just played in
DO NOT manage Walsall (at any cost)

How Not to be a Professional Footballer is a hugely entertaining, moving and laugh-out-loud funny story.


Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 1999 KB
  • Print Length: 325 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0007424965
  • Publisher: HarperSport (4 April 2011)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0007424965
  • ISBN-13: 978-0007424962
  • ASIN: B004URQIGY
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray: Not Enabled
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (61 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #3,411 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
23 of 24 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Dark, shocking and hilarious... 14 April 2011
By Lodos
Format:Hardcover
This is a brilliant and brutally honest book, up there with the very best football biographies you'll ever read. In fact, there's enough here to entertain even those with only a passing interest in the game: Merson's is a fascinating and cautionary tale. The story is eye-watering at times, as Merson takes us on a rollercoaster ride through the drink, drugs and gambling addictions which he has fought for his entire life and which plagued his career. But for every moment of horror - Merse sitting in the dark all day snorting hundreds of pounds worth of cocaine, watching the racing results on teletext and thinking about breaking his fingers so he can't phone in another bet - there are hilarious anecdotes aplenty, too (going to a gay bar with John Barnes, the utter mania of living with Gazza).
Merse may come across as a joker on TV, but this reveals how he got there. As a tale of excess, it's up there with Motley Crue's The Dirt. A must-read, and for my money, one of the books of the year.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars An honest tale 14 Jun 2011
Format:Hardcover
As a Walsall fan I was fascinated by his recollections of his spell at the Banks Stadium both as a player and much maligned manager. The patience of Walsall Chairman Jeff Bonser (not the most popular character at Walsall) comes through as he indulged his star player and even put up the money for his addiction rehab in America. Merson's basic honesty also comes across well. He didn't rate Scott Dann - soon to be a centre back for a leading Premiership team - and admits his oversight. He also says that he didn't think he was manager material and was thrust into the job somewhat reluctantly. Its a shame that his spell as a manager will be most remembered by Walsall fans and not his dream debut against West Bromwich Albion where his two goals contributed to a stunning 4-1 win. the amount of money he claims to have lost is truly staggering. Lets hope that that is now in the past.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
Thousands of nights kicking a football around the park, football training and Sunday league before realising I would never play professionally could have been solved if someone had made me read this at 11. I could have been prime minister by now. This is a dark, brutal and disturbing tale which really should be added to the school reading list for all wannabe star chasing pupils. Merson comes across as a tragic anti hero bumbling from one self imposed disaster to another. He plays for a seminal team of its times but the majority of text is chewed up on the pursuit of cocaine and bar to street to bookies. He makes the coveted world of professional football seem like a hell hole and his analogy it is like a factory with no real camaraderie or team spirit really shocked me. His insight into the dressing room and the demons which lurk outside its doors is fascinating. Took me about three days to read and the sign of a good book is when you keep checking how many pages are left. It could, and should, have been twice as long. Rip rollicking read but wish I'd read it 20 years ago. So too I think does Paul Merson just before he kicked his first professional defence splitting pass.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Double Good!!! Absolute cracker!
This is only the 2nd book I have ever read in my life, but I couldn't put it down on a recent holiday. Had me laughing out loud from start to finish. Read more
Published 12 days ago by Duuuge
4.0 out of 5 stars Follow The Merse
Merson was a great player and i was lucky to watch his fantastic perforances at Highbury.He might have been so much better as player if he had not been into drugs as well as an... Read more
Published 24 days ago by Mb Davis
4.0 out of 5 stars Merson is a legend
Very good insight on a true footballer and the pitfalls of addiction and how to bounce back from the edge
Published 1 month ago by neale redfern
5.0 out of 5 stars Honest and entertaining
As a Spurs fan it wasn't always going to be a given that I'd enjoy this, but it's a cracker. Merson doesn't hold back on telling his (at times chilling) story, so credit to him. Read more
Published 1 month ago by GF
4.0 out of 5 stars An honest book, warts and all
I found this an honest open read which I read in about three sessions. Merson apologises at the start to the people he has hurt then gets on with his story. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Gary Hamill
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant
absolutely briliant, couldn't put it down, a real eye opener - read it in two days it was that good
Published 1 month ago by TL
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant read
What a great eye opener into football in the late eighties and nineties. Mers doesn't spend all the time apologising for his mistakes and its refreshing! Read more
Published 2 months ago by Ashley stackhouse
5.0 out of 5 stars Good Read
Great read, the ups and downs of being a pro sports person, and how to throw away A LOT of money! He's a braver man than me, if i had done half the things Merse has i wouldnt have... Read more
Published 2 months ago by James Michael Reid
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent entertaining read
Really enjoyed this book, recommend to any footy fan who has a sense of humour and likes to hear a funny story.
Published 2 months ago by wirefox
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Honest
A very candid account of one man's life. It's not pride and prejudice but did you expect it to be? If you've ever listened to Paul Merson speak then you will hear him tell you his... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Mrs W
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