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Product Description
Review
Some of The Merse's one-liners:
"The lad's like a fish up a tree."
Translation: that player looks a little lost and out of his depth
"It's a worldy strike."
Translation: that is a world class long-range goal
Product Description
An anecdote-driven narrative of the classic footballer's ‘DOs and DO NOTs’ from the ever-popular Arsenal legend and football pundit Paul Merson, aka ‘The Merse’.
When it comes to advice on the pitfalls of life as a professional footballer, Paul Merson can pretty much write the manual. In fact, that's exactly what he's done in this hilarious new book which manages to be simultaneously poignant and gloriously funny.
Merson was a prodigiously talented footballer in the 80s and 90s, gracing the upper echelons of the game - and the tabloid front pages - with his breathtakingly skills and larger-than-life off-field persona.
His much-publicised battles with gambling, drug and alcohol addiction are behind him now, and football fans continue to be drawn to his sharp footballing brain and playful antics on SkySports cult results show Soccer Saturday.
The book delights and entertains with a treasure chest of terrific anecdotes from a man who has never lost his love of football and his inimitable joie de vivre through a 25-year association with the Beautiful Game.
The DO NOTs include:
DO NOT adopt 'Champagne' Charlie Nicholas as your mentor
DO NOT share a house with Gazza
DO NOT regularly place £30,000 bets at the bookie's
DO NOT get so drunk that you can't remember the 90 minutes of football you just played in
DO NOT manage Walsall (at any cost)
How Not to be a Professional Footballer is a hugely entertaining, moving and laugh-out-loud funny story.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
18 of 19 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Dark, shocking and hilarious...,
By Lodos (London) - See all my reviews
This review is from: How Not to Be a Professional Footballer (Hardcover)
This is a brilliant and brutally honest book, up there with the very best football biographies you'll ever read. In fact, there's enough here to entertain even those with only a passing interest in the game: Merson's is a fascinating and cautionary tale. The story is eye-watering at times, as Merson takes us on a rollercoaster ride through the drink, drugs and gambling addictions which he has fought for his entire life and which plagued his career. But for every moment of horror - Merse sitting in the dark all day snorting hundreds of pounds worth of cocaine, watching the racing results on teletext and thinking about breaking his fingers so he can't phone in another bet - there are hilarious anecdotes aplenty, too (going to a gay bar with John Barnes, the utter mania of living with Gazza).Merse may come across as a joker on TV, but this reveals how he got there. As a tale of excess, it's up there with Motley Crue's The Dirt. A must-read, and for my money, one of the books of the year.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
An honest tale,
By
This review is from: How Not to Be a Professional Footballer (Hardcover)
As a Walsall fan I was fascinated by his recollections of his spell at the Banks Stadium both as a player and much maligned manager. The patience of Walsall Chairman Jeff Bonser (not the most popular character at Walsall) comes through as he indulged his star player and even put up the money for his addiction rehab in America. Merson's basic honesty also comes across well. He didn't rate Scott Dann - soon to be a centre back for a leading Premiership team - and admits his oversight. He also says that he didn't think he was manager material and was thrust into the job somewhat reluctantly. Its a shame that his spell as a manager will be most remembered by Walsall fans and not his dream debut against West Bromwich Albion where his two goals contributed to a stunning 4-1 win. the amount of money he claims to have lost is truly staggering. Lets hope that that is now in the past.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Will line his pockets with cash and deliver nothing you didnt know already,
By
This review is from: How Not to Be a Professional Footballer (Kindle Edition)
Having read the previous reviews on the book I was expecting a really good insight into things not previously known. What a disappointment - and don't get me wrong I do like PM when he appears on Soccer Saturday - its just that this book delivers nothing in the way of entertainment to the reader. Yes he is/was an idiot with money, gambling, drugs etc but come on this just isn't hilarious as some previous reviewers contend. Having said all of this there are few football related biographies that tell anything the reader shouldn't already be aware of so I guess I am a victim of falling for the trap of expecting a few bombshells. If you like sports books that will occupy your brain for a few minutes whilst sunbathing on the beach then I suppose this will be as good as any.
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