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'I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You addresses this problem with sensitivity, depth and intelligence, with advice on how to recreate intimacy while retaining a sense of self. Marshall firmly believes that falling out of love does not mean the end of a relationship. His insightful advice makes it hard to disagree' Psychologies
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There are few things in life more traumatic than discovering that your partner is having an affair. You are not only coping with the pain and anger but also the sense that your partner is a stranger. How could someone you love, and thought that you knew, treat you in this way? How can you ever trust your partner again? Don't panic. Millions upon millions of ordinary men and women have trodden the same path and come out the other end with not only their love restored but a significantly stronger and better relationship. Whether you are the discoverer of the affair or whether you were discovered, Marshall offers guidance and support, and explains: - The seven stages that couples move through from discovery to recovery. - What makes people more vulnerable to affairs. - The eight types of affairs and how understanding your partner's affair is key to deciding whether you should stay or go. - How to stop your imagination running wild and your brain from going into meltdown. - Why some couples emerge stronger and why others get derailed from the recovery process. With over 25 years' experience as a marital therapist, Marshall draws on hundreds of case studies, and provides sensible, compassionate and practical advice.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
37 of 37 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
As someone who was recently devastated to discover a partner's infidelity, I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Written mainly to give support and guidance to the "Discoverer" of both an "inappropriate relationship" or a full-blown affair, " How can I ever trust you again?" is a fantastically practical and supportive piece of work. Mr. Marshall not only shows great empathy for the torment suffered by the person who has been let down but also helps to provide an understanding of the underlying problems behind the affair and a strategy for moving forward from it. The book is full of useful tips for more effective communication so that the reader learns the tools essential for becoming a stronger individual who is able to articulate his or her feelings and needs in a less emotionally charged way. For someone who is in constant turmoil, the knowledge that there is a ladder of progression to recovery (with only seven and not seventeen steps thank goodness!) affords a very welcome sense of calm.
What I really liked too were the short equally compassionate sections in each chapter written to help the "Discovered". Whilst unwilling to read other books on the subject because of a feeling of being judged, my partner was prepared to read and discuss these summaries together.
If you have sadly found yourself in this position,this book will provide a real lifeline of hope and is money very well spent. Do please buy it.
What I really liked too were the short equally compassionate sections in each chapter written to help the "Discovered". Whilst unwilling to read other books on the subject because of a feeling of being judged, my partner was prepared to read and discuss these summaries together.
If you have sadly found yourself in this position,this book will provide a real lifeline of hope and is money very well spent. Do please buy it.
28 of 28 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Although my husband's affair was very brief and once discovered came clean, broke it off and did everything to try and make things right again, I have really struggled with the trust issue. We went to Relate a few times and I also found a separate therapist to talk things through with, but never really felt I had resolved things in my own mind. I had come to the conclusion that after 20 years and 3 children this had left such huge scars in the marriage that separation was eventually inevitable and that once the children were older I would leave him. I saw this book last week and bought it in a last effort to try and understand why I was still in such pain. Knowing that other people had gone through exactly the same emotions and having all the different stages explained along ways to overcome each hurdle, were like an epiphany - I felt as though instead of fighting everything and feeling guilty for how I felt and so angry all the time, I had been given permission to go through these feelings because they were normal. The explanations as to why these things happen were put in such a sensible and understanding way that I honestly felt a huge blanket of bitter and painful feelings had just ebbed out of my body. I wish it had been published a year ago as I would not have wasted months obsessing about their relationship, of which there really wasn't one except in my own mind.
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This book provides solace in helping those who discover their partners infidelity by setting out a strategy for dealing with the issues in 7 really useful steps. Most importantly it helps you undertand the universal feelings and responses everyone goes through in such circumstances and that there are always choices. No bible bashing or judgemental lectures it is a very practical empathic guide to finding your way out of the misery of infidelity written by an experience counsellor.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Waste of money!
I can't believe I actually thought reading books will help me trust my boyfriend after what he has done to me but I thought I would give it a try. Read more
Published 3 months ago by AgAl
Felt worse after reading it than i did before hand
I found this book far too emotive. I believed what was written in it because there was lots of what i thought to be insightful information that i could relate to within it. Read more
Published 5 months ago by osun
Great Boook
This book offers great practical advice for a variety of scenarios. I found it very helpful and would highly recommend it.
Published 6 months ago by Robert Walker
The perfect book for imperfect people
If you have experienced adultery and you get to the point that you're in this section thinking about buying a book on how to repair what was broken - as opposed to just slamming... Read more
Published 7 months ago by J. Riquez
The most helpful book I have read on this topic
I recommend reading this book as soon as possible after discovering or having an affair. The book does not judge but explains in clear terms how affairs happen and how you are not... Read more
Published 13 months ago by Ms Jennifer Lawrence
It saved me, my partner and our relationship
This book is sensitive, honest and practical. My partner had an affair and bought this book for me the day after his other woman revealed his infidelity - it was money better... Read more
Published 17 months ago by MissyP
Totally made sense of the madness
I coudnt recommend this book high enough, after finding out my husband had been having an affair with a good friend of mine for three and a half months my world fell apart, this... Read more
Published 18 months ago by Tink
This book saved my relationship
I have been trying to move on and forgive after my partner cheated on me. This book described all my emotions and actions. Read more
Published 21 months ago by K84
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