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A Horrible Experience of Unbearable Length:More Movies That Suck
 
 

A Horrible Experience of Unbearable Length:More Movies That Suck [Kindle Edition]

Roger Ebert

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Product Description

Product Description

Roger Ebert's I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie and Your Movie Sucks, which gathered some of his most scathing reviews, were best-sellers. This new collection continues the tradition, reviewing not only movies that were at the bottom of the barrel, but also movies that he found underneath the barrel.

A Horrible Experience of Unbearable Length collects more than 200 of his reviews since 2006 in which he gave movies two stars or fewer. Known for his fair-minded and well-written film reviews, Roger is at his razor-sharp humorous best when skewering bad movies. Consider this opener for the one-star Your Highness:

Your Highness is a juvenile excrescence that feels like the work of 11-year-old boys in love with dungeons, dragons, warrior women, pot, boobs, and four-letter words. That this is the work of David Gordon Green beggars the imagination. One of its heroes wears the penis of a minotaur on a string around his neck. I hate it when that happens.

And finally, the inspiration for the title of this book, the one-star Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen:

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a doglike robot humping the leg of the heroine. If you want to save yourself the ticket price go, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.

Movie buffs and humor lovers alike will relish this treasury of movies so bad that you may just want to see them for a good laugh!


Product details

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • File Size: 791 KB
  • Print Length: 384 pages
  • Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing LLC; Original edition (6 Mar 2012)
  • Sold by: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B007FMYYVM
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #84,898 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 4.3 out of 5 stars  19 reviews
23 of 25 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Middling Musings on Mostly Mediocre Movies 28 April 2012
By J.P. Curwen - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
I fear this book suffers from its own case of sequelitis. To sum it up, this is the 3rd & weakest publication of Roger Ebert's negative reviews. I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie was his first & best collection of scathing critiques spanning decades of reviews from Caligula to Patch Adams. Part 2, Your Movie Sucks, featured more contemporary reviews from the era of Deuce Bigelow.

For those seeking the bilious hatred, biting wit & schadenfreude of Ebert's most condemning prose, there is little to enjoy in A Horrible Experience... The title of this book is rather misleading, for the majority of reviews here are 2-star reviews. Very few are "movies that suck", this book is more "meh" than outright critical. Even in the most critical of them, such as Transformers 3 whose review provided this book's title, Ebert's lacking the piss & vinegar of prior efforts. Here, he seems resigned & fatalistic.

I can't really recommend this to starters or seasoned Ebert fans (who may very well disagree with me). Rather than this book, I highly suggest you pick up a used copy of Ebert's first & best I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie. This suggestion also applies to fans of the classic Siskel & Ebert reviews.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Skewering Cinematic Stinkers! 12 April 2012
By Michael OConnor - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
When Roger Ebert pens his final movie review some day in the near future, the world will be a sadder place. Over the years his insightful, witty and sometimes acerbic reviews have entertained and informed millions of movie-goers. A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE OF UNBEARABLE LENGTH continues that tradition with Ebert skewering 200+ movies made from 2006 to 2011 that were so bad they rated two stars or less.

The sub-title of this 2012 Andrews McMeel Publishing release is MORE MOVIES THAT SUCK and, as revealed in the book, the reasons for that are many and varied. Some of the movies are just bargain-basement gore feasts. Others are plotless wastes of time or needless remakes that can't lay a finger on the original. A fair number suffer from bad acting/directing/writing. And still others are pretentious to the max or just plain brain-dead or arrival.

What we're talking here are cinematic gems like STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS, BAD TEACHER, JONAH HEX, THOR, G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA, QUANTUM OF SOLACE, LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, SEX AND THE CITY 2, THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL, JUST GO WITH IT, THE LOVELY BONES, ROBIN HOOD and so on.

Even if you don't agree with all of Ebert's ratings or comments, I think you'll find A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE OF UNBEARABLE LENGTH a hoot. I know I did. Recommended.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars A mediocre experience of tedious length 26 Feb 2013
By Kenya Starflight - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
I highly enjoyed Roger Ebert's previous two collections of bad film reviews -- Your Movie Sucks and I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie. Both were written with biting wit, good humor, and a scathing (and often well-deserved) ripping apart of some of Hollywood's biggest fumbles. Even when I disagree with his assessment of a film -- because let's face it, not everyone is going to watch a movie and come away with the exact same opinion of it -- I have to admire his eye for the craft of filmmaking, as well as his clever wit.

Sadly, "A Horrible Experience of Unbearable Length" proves that the third time is not always the charm. Indeed, this is his weakest bad-review collection yet, for a number of reasons.

The first reason is that, despite the subtitle of "More Movies That Suck," relatively few of the films in this book actually do suck. The majority of reviews are one-and-a-half to two stars, which means they're more mediocre than truly bad. There are a few genuine stinkers in this book -- "Battle: Los Angeles," "The Human Centipede" and its sequel, "Southland Tales," etc. -- but for the most part the films aren't bad so much as they're just lackluster. And since Ebert is at his scathing best when given truly execrable material to work with, his reviews of said mediocre movies turn out just as bland.

The second reason is probably simple overexposure to the reviews in question. While some of Ebert's older reviews can only be easily accessed via his older books, almost all of his reviews from 1985 onward can be easily viewed on his website. And since "Horrible Experience" covers relatively new movies (2006-2012 or so), it's possible to read most, if not all, of these reviews online. So reading many of these reviews brought on a sense of deja vu for me.

Third... it seems that even when he's ripping apart a truly bad movie, Ebert has lost much of his bite. Instead of the gleeful rage he seemed to get from tearing into a horrible film, this book comes off as more fatalistic and tired. Perhaps his many medical treatments for cancer have finally taken their toll, but it seems almost as if the fight has been beat out of him. Instead of wit and rage, we get dread and depression.

Despite liking his two previous books, I find I can't recommend this one. It lacks the humor and fierce wit of the others, and comes across more as an old man complaining about things he doesn't like. If you're truly curious about his take on modern movies, you'd be better off accessing his website than buying this book.
4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Love and hate of a bad movie 6 April 2012
By Shawn Gordon - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Paperback
I have been a loyal fan of Roger Ebert's since I was nine years old, actually before that, I was just nine when I was given my first Roger Ebert book, as a gift from my grandfather in Florida. I had already known Roger from TV, the beloved Siskel & Ebert, and found the movies he talked about and his opinions to be to intriguing, I wasn't able to see most of those movies that he (and Gene) spoke of, I was just a kid after all. However, later in life I could see the movies of my choosing, and I always consulted my pal Roger, after years of reading his reviews and seeing his shows, I feel almost as if we are close friends. Now, I can't say that I always agree with him, that does not make me wrong, or he right, what it does mean is that I take his criticism into account and then make up my own mind, as any grown man or woman should. I don't need to call him names or get angry, or stop consulting my trusted friend because we can't always agree, but we do agree more often than not.

This brings me to his lasted book "A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE OF UNBEARABLE LENGTH: MORE MOVIES THAT SUCKED", first let me say, great title Rog, I saw that movie too and felt exactly the same. Here within lies scathing reviews of some of the worst movies of the last few years, and as it so happens, a few of the best, as I said we don't/can't always agree. I hate seeing movies panned like KICK-ASS, FAST & FURIOUS, BATTLE: LOS ANGELES, QUANTUM OF SOLACE, ROBIN HOOD, CASANDRA'S DREAM, what is a Woody Allen movie doing in a book of this title. I feel Roger is mistaken, misguided, just plain wrong sometimes, but what of the horrors that are CONAN THE BARBARIAN, JONAH HEX, DRIVE ANGRY, COP OUT, THE GREEN HORNET, G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA, THE LAST AIRBENDER, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, YOUR HIGHNESS, THE BOONDOCK SAINTS II: ALL SAINT'S DAY (and I loved the first one), these movies were all terrible and I saw them against Roger's advise. I suspect a lot of people are smarting than me and don't see these duds based on Roger's advise, and thus live richer and happier lives. Also a lot of these movies I choose not to see and that I can say I owe Roger for.

This is his third volume of negative reviews, notice he only has one volume of four star movies(?), I have read both previous volumes. These are not my favorite books by him because by there very nature they are unable to capture the real joy of seeing a truly great or even very good movie. A movie of a great caliber can inrich your life and well being, while a bad one does nothing but take away precious time in your life. Still, a bad review can be a lot of fun to read and most of these ones, even the ones to movies I sort of liked and those I really liked are fun to read. Three books in less than a year, know we all can have our own Ebertfest.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Good is great, but bad is even better 1 Nov 2012
By Multireader - Published on Amazon.com
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Much as I love and trust Ebert's reviews and recommendations of the good stuff, my not-so-guilty pleasure is to wallow in his brilliant dismemberment of the really really BAD stuff. While turning a gimlet eye and razor wit on some of the most "what the hell were they thinking" releases imaginable, Ebert still exhibits the same knowledge and understanding of what makes bad stuff bad as he does when examining why good stuff is good. All with a wit dry enough to crumble Jello. Bravo, Roger, still my cinematic hero (even though I don't always agree with your conclusions on the good stuff). If you've ever felt like you wanted to sue a filmmaker for taking away a couple of hours of your life you can never get back, you will surely find sweet revenge in this book.
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