Hidden Lives: A Family Memoir
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Product Description
Margaret Forster's grandmother died in 1936, taking many secrets to her grave. Where had she spent the first 23 years of her life? Who was the woman in black who paid her a mysterious visit shortly before her death? How had she borne living so close to an illegitimate daughter without acknowledging her?
The search for answers took Margaret on a journey into her family’s past, examining not only her grandmother's life, but also her mother’s and her own. The result is both a moving, evocative memoir and a fascinating commentary on how women’s lives have changed over the past century.
From the Author
A warm and evocative autobiography
After reading Margaret Forster’s autobiography one might wonder how she was able to escape from a background which could have in the end made her as much of a "prisoner" as it did her mother, and her grandmother - locked in lives of poverty and duty. Whereas her grandmother (born in 1869) might not even had had the chance to dream - illegitimate and "in service" - unable to escape the daily domestic drudgery from dawn to dusk, her mother’s own life was a little better but many young women of her generation were still not sufficiently liberated to allow them to break away from what seemed a certain domestic inevitability. Marrying more because she wanted children rather than feeling any great love for the man she was marrying (we don’t learn too much about her husband) - she felt she could have been a vicar’s wife, a doctor’s wife, with a lifestyle more appropriate to her aspirations - but she accepted her condition (although not without a frustration which never seems to have left her). Locked in a daily routine which largely concentrated on looking after her husband and bringing up her children, this pious woman did find some solace in doing "good works". But Margaret Forster had seen the "writing on the wall" - not for her the stifling routine of domestic obligations - she was an avid reader, did well in school - and peering through the railings of the grammar school dreamt of better things and above all, no marriage, even more importantly, no babies. However, with her motivation and academic competence she not only went to the grammar school, but also went on to Oxford - and (despite her anti-marriage stance when younger) did marry in her early 20s and the babies did arrive after all. Rebelling against her upbringing with a determination not to share the same sort of life as that of her mother, she was able to fulfil herself finally when she left home - and doesn't appear to have ever strayed from her initial ambition - that of becoming a writer.
After reading Margaret Forster’s autobiography one might wonder how she was able to escape from a background which could have in the end made her as much of a "prisoner" as it did her mother, and her grandmother - locked in lives of poverty and duty. Whereas her grandmother (born in 1869) might not even had had the chance to dream - illegitimate and "in service" - unable to escape the daily domestic drudgery from dawn to dusk, her mother’s own life was a little better but many young women of her generation were still not sufficiently liberated to allow them to break away from what seemed a certain domestic inevitability. Marrying more because she wanted children rather than feeling any great love for the man she was marrying (we don’t learn too much about her husband) - she felt she could have been a vicar’s wife, a doctor’s wife, with a lifestyle more appropriate to her aspirations - but she accepted her condition (although not without a frustration which never seems to have left her). Locked in a daily routine which largely concentrated on looking after her husband and bringing up her children, this pious woman did find some solace in doing "good works". But Margaret Forster had seen the "writing on the wall" - not for her the stifling routine of domestic obligations - she was an avid reader, did well in school - and peering through the railings of the grammar school dreamt of better things and above all, no marriage, even more importantly, no babies. However, with her motivation and academic competence she not only went to the grammar school, but also went on to Oxford - and (despite her anti-marriage stance when younger) did marry in her early 20s and the babies did arrive after all. Rebelling against her upbringing with a determination not to share the same sort of life as that of her mother, she was able to fulfil herself finally when she left home - and doesn't appear to have ever strayed from her initial ambition - that of becoming a writer.
There are some exceptionally poignant moments towards the end of the book when her mother has now become an older, sick woman - a mother to whom she was never able to entirely relate - and vice-versa - although one feels there had always been a strong bond of love between them which neither of them had much success in articulating. The "fault" of that perhaps lay neither entirely with Margaret Forster nor her mother, but maybe it was because of the overlapping generations. Both her mother's generation and that of her grandmother were ones in which many things were left unsaid (for example, she never did know why her mother had disappeared mysteriously into hospital when she was a child - never did know why her grandmother seemed to have disowned an earlier daughter) - questions had been left without any answers throughout her childhood and indeed, even as an adult, she was unable to find the answers to them. Leaving home permitted her to enter into the liberated world of the 60s where everything was changing for the younger generation. For Margaret Forster she was in the right place at the right time.
A touching book - a book one doesn’t want to put down until the last page has been reached.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
16 of 18 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This is one of the most remarkable, poignant, suspenseful and readable family histories ever published. Margaret Forster's chronicle of the contrasting lives of her grandmother, mother and self form a fascinating microcosm of the choices--and risks--shared by British women over the last century. Charged with immense reserves of perspective and compassion, Forster's narrative becomes a gripping detective story of how she discovered some of the truth about her female forebears and the lives they lived. This is a wonderful, truly feminist true-life tale--and just the volume to offer to that female (or better yet, male) adolescent who cannot imagine or appreciate the conditions and choices faced by our ancestors.
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This is a excellent book. I took it away on holiday & couldn't put it down.
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This is the best biography I have ever read. It really demands that the reader takes stock of their own life as well as that of the the author's mother whose history it relates. Whilst not agreeing with all her analysis it really gave me food for thought and, having passed it on to both my sister in law and father, it created the basis for lots of family discussion.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Interesting, but poorly edited
While this book included some interesting material, and I was able to finish it, I thought it was ill-edited, and sloppy in places. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Critical Thinking
Family History and Relationships
This personal biography by Margaret Forster is a fascinating exploration of how lives of women have changed over a period of 100 plus years starting in the 1870's. Read more
Published 13 months ago by C. Bannister
Spectacular
I have had this book for a few years now, but had put off reading it because I was worried it might be a rather staid biography. Read more
Published 14 months ago by Nicola
A real family history
I am reading this book with my book group. It is well written and gets over quite a lot of history of just ordinary women. Read more
Published 23 months ago by Mrs. M. A. Renton
Stoically borne troubles
Somebody famous once said: "The unconsidered life is not worth living." In a sense one agrees - if it drives people to think about their existence and thereby gain insight and... Read more
Published on 16 Sep 2009 by Eileen Shaw
A very interesting book
This book gives a real insight into the lives of women and how they lived not just from Ms Forster's point of view but a general synopsis of society and the duties and tasks women... Read more
Published on 7 Aug 2009 by C. Seibert
Family history is not always easy to discover, either emotionally or...
Margaret Forster never does really find out what the hidden secrets of her family were, but she does write a fascinating account of the lives of the women of her family. Read more
Published on 15 July 2007 by Claire King
A disappointing book which leaves the reader dissatisfied.
The author obviously felt this book needed to be written, perhaps more for herself than the reader. The initial chapters are an interesting look in what life was like for women at... Read more
Published on 29 Nov 1999
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