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He's Scared, She's Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships (Paperback)

by Stephen Carter (Author), Julia Sokol (Author) "To one degree or another, all of us are torn between two fundamental urges ..." (more)

4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (19 customer reviews)

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Product details

Paperback: 352 pages
Publisher: Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group (1 Aug 1997)
Language English
ISBN-10: 0440506255
ISBN-13: 978-0440506256
Product Dimensions: 20.1 x 13.2 x 2 cm

Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (19 customer reviews)

Amazon.co.uk Sales Rank: 7,514 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Product Description

Review

" The authors' achievement is that they have gone beyond the obvious avoidance patterns to uncover the more subtle ways men and women sabotage love." -- "Publisher's Weekly"

Synopsis

Stating that the fear of commitment is a difficulty experienced by many contemporary couples, a guide for individuals who are looking for satisfactory relationships offers advice on balancing intimacy and independence. Reprint. Tour. PW.

Inside This Book (Learn More)

First Sentence
To one degree or another, all of us are torn between two fundamental urges. Read the first page

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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt

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Customer Reviews

19 Reviews

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

Average Customer Review

4.8 out of 5 stars (19 customer reviews)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

26 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Simply Brilliant, 16 Jan 2007

By	Hendrik Strauss (UK) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I could not for the life of me figure out what was going on in my ex's head and why our relationship wasn't working out. After reading this book I now realise that I have a passive commitment issue. The book describes several different commitment fears. As I read the book I thought, none of these fears were what I was experiencing, and then they discribed the fear that I had and everything all of a sudden clicked. It was like an a-ha moment. It was a fear that I had since I was very young, but which I have been hiding away. It literally sent chills down my spine when I finally figured out what was going on. I now also understand why I was attracted to certain types of partners. I guess you have to face all your fears that you may have otherwise they are going to come back and bite you later on. This book is a must read for anyone who is strugling to make their relationships work.

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46 of 47 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book explained my ex's behaviour!, 11 Aug 2005

By	Eliza - See all my reviews

This book has helped me so much. When my boyfriend suddenly announced he was moving to another country within days of telling me he was "100% sure he wanted me" (and suggesting we try living together), I was absolutely devastated. His behaviour seemed so odd and cruel, especially during the next several months where he would keep ringing me and tell me how wonderful and perfect I was, act like he was missing me but say that he didn't want to have a relationship with me. If you've had a similarly bizarre experience and are having trouble understanding what went wrong, I really recommend this book - it will help you recover. It also tells you how to spot the signals a commitment phobic person gives out and encourages you to think about your own role in choosing this type of partner so that you can make sure this never happens to you again!

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19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely amazing, 13 Jul 2007

By	Joti Plahay (UK) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I found this book fantastic - it refers to 2 main type of person in a relationship - the chaser (passive avoider) and the runner (active avoider).

However the chaser who normally plays the "victim" role actually ends up seeking these types of relationships, as they have commitment issues too, and in order to date someone who is unavailable, you accept their ridiculous conditions in reality because you don't really want a full-on relationship either! Interestingly an individual with commitment issues is not necessarily an active avoider or a passive avoider per se, but may change roles either in different relationships, or even in the same one over time. Hence there can often be a push/pull dynamic.

The eye-opener here is understanding that you are not alone and that an experience which you think no-one else can relate to is actually a lot more widespread than you at first may think, was a real find for me, personally.

I found this book superb, easily the best thing written on the subject that I have ever come across, it will give you understanding (for active readers) and peace of mind and some degree of closure (for passive readers).

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Most Recent Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars Easy, Down-to-Earth Solutions for Commitment Issues
A very easy read, this book provides an excellent insight on the phobia to commit, and the ways we avoid a commited relationship, even though we might not know how or why we do... Read more

Published 2 months ago by Bruno Almeida

5.0 out of 5 stars He's Scared, She's Scared
Book arrived in excellent condition and in good time. Very insightful book which shows the committmentphobic responses in relationships from both men and women. Would recommend!

Published 3 months ago by Mrs. A. J. Emery

5.0 out of 5 stars If only...
If only I'd read this book before my relationship ended with the person I thought was 'the one', maybe then I would have been stronger to have finished it myself. Read more

Published on 30 Sep 2007 by merlin

5.0 out of 5 stars This book may change your life!
Having read just about every self-help book written about relationships, I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Read more

Published on 28 Aug 2007 by LadyT

5.0 out of 5 stars No stone left unturned.
This book has provided me with an excellent insight into a recent frustrating and painful relationship. Read more

Published on 30 Jul 2007 by S. Bennett

2.0 out of 5 stars Emotional Suicide
For me this book wasn't what I was looking for. I was involved with someone who I knew wasn't currently available but was hoping would be in the near future. Read more

Published on 2 Jun 2007 by S. Higgins

5.0 out of 5 stars Thank god for this book.
Wow. This book helped me so much. Since I broke up with my ex I've read about every book under the sun and they've all helped in their own ways but this helped the most. Read more

Published on 10 Jan 2007 by N/A

5.0 out of 5 stars An eye opener!
My friend bought me this book when my (now ex) partner and I were arguing a lot and I was getting increasingly more frustrated with his behaviour because his actions were not in... Read more

Published on 3 Jan 2006 by kjh973

5.0 out of 5 stars This book saved my sanity!
There are a lot of books now that deal with the issue of 'commitmentphobia' - but this one is the best. Read more

Published on 14 Nov 2005

4.0 out of 5 stars He's scared
I was drawn to this book because of the positive reviews when I was looking for something to give me an understanding of my new boyfriend who clearly has had commitment issues in... Read more

Published on 18 Aug 2005

› See all 19 customer reviews...

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