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4.4 out of 5 stars202
4.4 out of 5 stars
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on 29 September 2010
I do not know why it took me so long to get it. This book is basically telling you what your mum or best friends do, but somehow it seems clearer when you read it from a stranger and you can always go back to it.
I had a date not so long ago and it went great, I was over the Moon. After it the guy started acting funny: did not ask me out again yet he was still emailing me and giving me mixed messages. My mum told me: 'He's just not that into you' and I refused to believe it.. but girl was she right! After reading all the reviews about this book I ordered it and already got happier. Why obsessing about someone who does not care enough about you? Better move on than waste more of your precious time.
This new Mantra ('I am fabulous and I know it') was represented in the form of a second date: the new guy I dated made sure we set up a date to meet again before we had even finished the first date! White is white and black is black and I was trying to make it all grey, transforming a vague 'I'm not into you' into mixed messages (He's busy, he has a tight schedule, etc.) I was not getting but it's all very clear now. Guys are very simple ladies!
This book helps you to lift your self-steem and realise what's hard to realise (in a funny way): that 'great' guy you might love/like a lot/be very fond of is just not into you at all or as much as you are into him or would like him to be. It's hard to accept you're being rejected but it's far worse to waste your time with an idiot who does not realise just how great you are.
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on 4 March 2009
Like other reviewers, I read this book in one sitting. And I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it! While the message may appear simple - he's just not that into you - it really is amazing to read through this book and have things click in your mind. You can think back to certain situations where you may have made excuses for a person's behavior, their lack of calling when they said they would, their super busy schedules preventing time to spend with you, and you can see it for what it really was - he just wasn't that into you! What a relief.

This book has the ability to give you lots of power. Read it, absorb it and never again sit by the phone waiting for it to ring. There will be no need to wait around once you see the writing on the wall, just move on to the next guy who may be the one who's into you!

This book is well worth reading. Buy it and keep it handy for when you need a refresher course. Be kind and loan it out to your girlfriends who are going through hard times with their guys, they will thank you for it!
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on 12 February 2007
This is an excellent book- a "Wake up and smell the coffee call" and one not for massaging your fragile ego with ! No excuses, as the title states.

Like "Not Tonight, Mr Right! "you are under NO illusion about what messages you are receiving, or not receiving on your dates , or in your relationships. Yes, we've all been there, and got the t-shirt....

In other words, Mr.Greg is saying : " Don't fool yourself! And don't waste your time. either....".

Once you realise this for yourself, you're going to be ready to move on, and read signals and signs, with a lot more insight and wisdom.
Useful questions and answers scenarios and yes, these are the things, you already know, but were too afraid to confront yourself with.

And while "he's just not into you", there are others out there, more deserving of you, who will be!
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on 5 November 2006
This book is an absolute must for any woman who has ever had problems with dating- especially in the murky first weeks to 3 months. Every scenario covered, funny, thought provoking and straight forward. Ever gone out with a man who's phone was sometimes off? Was too busy to call? Didn't want a relationship? Was married or unavailable? Only wanted you as a friend? Then this book is for you!

My favourite quote is "You already have one asshole, why would you need another?!"

Buy it for yourself, buy copies for your friends.
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on 11 June 2005
A friend of mine raved about this book, so in spite of the put-down title (which I think generalizes men, and women), I picked up a copy. And yes, was disappointed. The book focuses on excuses women make to convince themselves that men are "into them" when they're "not." First, I thought the points were obvious - for example, a man who doesn't call when he says he would. According to the book, if he doesn't, he's not into you.
There could be a multitude of reasons why that aren't related to how into you he is or isn't. But that being said, the reasons may not matter. For the more appropriate question in my view is "How do you want to be treated in a relationship?" To instead ask whether or not "he's into you" is to assume that he's finding you lacking in some way. Yes, the book says you're great, pretty, etc. but if the authors really believe that, then why all the repetition of the only reason a guy isn't acting like Prince Charming is that you don't interest him enough (with the token positive comment added on after all the negativity)?
I don't think many women would want to be involved with or marry a man who treated them well only because he was "into her" and had treated other women poorly because he wasn't into them. Not me anyway - only a man who treats all women and men well is worth it, in my book.
Second, this book doesn't match my personal experience either - of a couple of men who'd told me they'd been too nervous to ask me out for a very long time, of the male friends who'd told me they'd been so broken by their previous relationships that they feared getting into another one (and I witnessed their hesitation for years - and yes - the women they married did a lot of the work in the beginning), of the men I know who have told me that they often "reject before being rejected" etc.
So what's of value here? Deciding what kind of relationship you want and seeking someone who treats you well (and hopefully because of who he is as a person, not his evaluation of you).
But there are plenty of books out there written by people who possess and offer much deeper knowledge of relationships than the writers of this book, and who offer it in a way that is affirming, rather than negative. One title that goes to the heart of relationships in a positive and clear way is "The New Couple," by Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee. A book written for men by a psychologist (also a man) but that I think many women would find very helpful is "When Good Men Behave Badly" by David Wexler (yes, another cliche title - and possibly one that's off-putting to men[!] - but the content of the book is solid, deep and respectful of people. I've found it countless times more helpful than this one). The response book to this one is much more realistic and helpful too (and humorous): "Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve"
by Ian Kerner. And finally, on a more general level, Don Miguel Ruiz's books - "The Four Agreements," "The Mastery of Love" and "The Voice of Knowledge" are helpful reminders of all the "stories" that are told in our cultures (like the "stories" in this book) - and how they distort reality and how damaging they can be to our healthy and happy functioning.
In questions of relationship, I think it's good to turn towards people who have knowledge (psychologists for example) and write with maturity in this area. The content of this particular book stays on the surface of the things, and I think is presented in a unnecessarily negative manner. Not something I'd recommend to anyone, and I'm concerned about all the hype (at least in the U.S.) over this one - for I think it can steer we women in an unhealthy direction, where we ask the wrong question - "Is he into me?" - rather than "What do I want in my relationship?"
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on 21 February 2005
The observations in this book are pretty much right all the way through. If he wants you he will act it. If he doesn't act it, don't waste your time waiting, move on. This book and How to Date Your Wife by Stan Cronin show how relationships were meant to work.Also try You Are Here by Steve Horsfall for a gritty reflection of the sexes.
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on 22 October 2006
Ladies, you MUST own a copy of this book. I read the book in one sitting and found myself inwardly cringing at all the excuses men had thrown at me that I'd believed (and I really wish I'd had this book a couple of relationships back, I may not have made such a fool of myself!). And also, some of the excuses I'd made FOR the blokes who weren't 'that into me'.

I had never bought a relationship 'self-help' book before but admit I got caught up in the Sex In The City hype when this was released and thought I'd give it a try. Now, I cannot recommend this book highly enough!

It's quite amazing that modern, independent women of the 21st Century are carving out lives and successful careers for ourselves; but when it comes to relationships, we put up with so much garbage. Instead of feeling in control, we feel powerless, unattractive and unworthy.

The only problem with this book is; it's absolutely right. As you read it, you begin to feel a bit narked that in order to find Mr Right, you have to wait for him to come to you. And if that guy you've had your eye on, doesn't call or pound down your door- it's quite obvious he's just not that into you. Isn't that annoying? But he's right. Anyone of us can look back at our previous relationships, both successful and not quite so successful and find examples that back up what Greg says in this book.

It's brutally honest; but Greg comes across as your big brother, campaigning for you, pushing your beauty and self worth and reminding you that you really are a gem. Even women in relationships should keep a copy of this book to refer to whenever needed. It's a gem for any woman's book collection.

This book is invaluable!
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on 23 November 2014
I bought this on a friends recommendation and did read many of the reviews on here first. Having read it cover to cover I'd recommend it too and suggest negative reviews about it 'spouting the obvious' to be taken with a pinch of salt. After all DIY books would be spouting the obvious to a professional builder, would they not?
The books message does repeat over and over. By page 100 I decided to put the book down and finish it another day. I think this is a great book for the women that see the good in people all of the time. I found it hard to believe a guy I'd known 18 years prior to getting involved with him, could possibly treat me the way he did and I didn't spot the signs. If you've ever been sat with a girl friend discussing the recently departed Mr Wrong and acknowledging the signs were there... Or if you keep finding yourself in the same dead end relationships.... Or have ever taken the smallest of gestures to mean something more...... Buy the book.
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on 18 June 2005
If I, as a woman, was to say 'All men are the same,' there would be a upcry from men. Yet Greg has sold this book on the basis that he knows what men think as he is a man.
This book takes no account of what stage a relationship is at - if he does not define himself as your boyfriend, he's not that into you - well are we talking about after the first date, third date, third month? He should do all the asking out too, so should be into you even if he hardly knows you.
Thinking 'he's not that into you' is a put down to women. It is saying to me that it's something lacking in the woman. For example he's not that into you if he sees you only when he's drunk. Well clearly it's not good to date a man like this, but not because 'he's not that into you' but because he has a drink problem - put the responsibility where it is deserved.
Also, it does not encourage a woman to take her responsiblity for making the relationship work, you just turn up and he decides if he is into you or not. It does not work like that - relationships take work and commitment from both sides - men and women can wreck promising relationship by being too clingy, too possesive, not having time available, not showing their brillance because of lack of self-esteem, putting up barriers due to past hurt, and infinate number of other reasons. These people are not rare - most people have some baggage, and unless we recognise this in ourselves and our partners, we can go through a string of failing relationships just thinking they all were not into me, instead of looking at the real issues. This may be easier in the short term, but of no benefit in the long-term. It would be interesting to hear from people who used this book to discover that they really were with the right guy.
Finding the right relationship is not just about finding someone who is into you, but finding someone you are into just as much, and a relationship that works on the levels of communication, compatibility etc, and it is the responsibility of both men and women to develop good methods of relating with those we care for.
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on 6 June 2007
I can understand both points of view regarding this book. But you need to realise that although some points raised in this book may seem incredibly obvious, when you are going through a break up you are unable to think rationally. You tend to think (well I did anyway)of the good times only and really forget (or choose to ignore) the bad times. That is why this book is a good read, it gives you a reminder of all those bad times and it basically tells you "he is just not that into you". It was just what I needed after my breakup because I did over analyse/make excuses for him when in actual fact he really wasn't that into me. And that was the best approach for me to get over my ex.

If you are really over an ex or in a rational state of mind :-) I wouldn't advise you buy this book because it may just seem silly to you and blatently obvious. But when going through a breakup it was perfect as it was just what I needed to hear.
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