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Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety or School Refusal: A Step-by-step Guide for Parents Paperback – 17 Aug 2006

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Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety or School Refusal: A Step-by-step Guide for Parents + What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What to Do Guides for Kids) + The Huge Bag of Worries
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Product details

  • Paperback: 192 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger; 1 edition (17 Aug. 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572244313
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572244313
  • Product Dimensions: 20.5 x 14.9 x 1.1 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 2.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 403,667 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Product Description


Eisen and Engler have written a clear, detailed guide for parents who are striving to support each child's autonomy and confidence. Supported by research and clinical insight, this book offers specific strategies to help children achieve healthy separation, while respectfully acknowledging the emotional lives of children and the need for parents to take care of themselves. Parenting is the most humbling effort, and this book supports this most important relationship in a child's life. --Gerard Costa, Ph.D., director of the YCS Institute for Infant and Preschool Mental Health in East Orange, NJ

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Parent41 on 30 Dec. 2007
Format: Paperback
I found this book helpful in one way, as it reassured me that separation anxiety can set in at any age, and suggested a model for approaching it. However, I also found the use of case studies too constricting (and very heavily American...) and the advice was not easy to apply.
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful
Not what I was hoping for 13 Dec. 2012
By Jojo's Mommy - Published on
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I was looking for a book to help teach my daughter coping skills for dealing with separation from me while at school and at night. The book covers several "types" of kids and parenting "types" and none fit my daughter or us as parents. The first three chapters deals with learning about your child's anxiety (again, nothing fit my kid) and the authors mentioned over and over that later they will teach you what to do with this information.

I gave the book a good try, reading more than half of it. There are no new ideas to give kids skills to work with. Instead it promotes having the child face and endure their fear and from that they are suppose to learn that they survived, nothing bad happened, and they will then be fine. Well my daughter has been going to school for 3 years, facing her fear, knowing she survived just fine, and still has anxiety. So obviously that method doesn't work for all.

It also makes the parent cater to the child's needs in ways that are impractical at best and impossible at worst. Examples include promising your child that you will not leave the house at all while your child is at school and getting a pillow and blanket and sleeping in the hallway so your child feels comfortable staying in bed. Like I said I was really looking for skills and tools to give my daughter to use with us being the guidance and support, something this book does not offer. I found better ideas on Pinterest (search for the calm down jar - that's helping us).
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
Invaluable 3 Mar. 2009
By Cherise Everhard - Published on
Format: Paperback
When my son was four my husband and I left him for 5 days with some family members so we could go on a cruise with my sister and her husband. It was the first time we had been apart for more than an overnight stay. Needless to say the experience was not a good one for him, and since that time he has been cautious about being apart from us.

No matter how much we reassured him, or tried to comfort and address his insecurities, it seemed the problem gradually got worse instead of better. He would go to Pre-K without much fuss, but spending time with a sitter, or the night with family members began to be more and more of a challenge. He started Kindergarten this year and every morning was a struggle. He'd be crying to stay with me and I would try to ensure his safety and the importance of school, all while struggling with my own tears. It was a horrible way to start the day and by 9am I was completely emotionally drained.

With no clear reason for this down slide and being at my wits end, I sought the advice of a dear friend who happens to be a Psychology Professor. He sent me this book and I have never been more grateful for any gift.

At first I was concerned that the book wasn't going to help as it didn't seem to be geared towards my son's specific issues. He doesn't fall into any one category; he is more of an inconsistent combination of the case samples they have compiled. But I read the book, highlighted the things that applied to my son and began to work with my husband on getting our life back.

The most helpful thing about this book was getting my husband and me on the same page. His approach to dealing with our son was vastly different from mine, and it turns out neither of us were correct. It has been a long hard road and the book had forewarned us that once we started implementing what we learned it would get worse before it got better, they weren't kidding. But with the help of this book, and the support of my family and his teacher, we are going on two weeks of not one tear before school. He also spent the night at my moms last weekend without any fight or fuss, without any need for reassurances.

I thought this book was written in a manner that was easy to understand and follow along. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has a child suffering from school refusal or separation anxiety.

Cherise Everhard, March 2009
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Highly recommended, but use along with a therapist. 14 April 2008
By K. George-bol - Published on
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Helping Your Child Overcome Seperation Anxiety or Shcool Refusal is a sound, practical book for helping parents learn to help their children overcome seperation anxiety in many different forms and settings. I will enjoy implementing the techniques with my clients.

I gave this book only four stars because while it is easy for a clinician to read and fill in the behavior modification and coping skill gaps they left out, it will not be so easy for many parents.

Parents who have anxious children are advised to get this book, but share it with a trained clinician/therapist. It is helpful in that it gives you an idea of what your child's anxious situations and behaviors are, how you have been handling them as a parent (personality type) and what safety situations your children prefer. It will be easier to implement with a trained person who can give you even further techniques, feedback and moral support when you need it.
4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
It served the purpose 23 Sept. 2008
By Fitmom73 - Published on
Format: Paperback
I have a child who wouldn't enter the school building for whatever reason. I read the book and it did give me some useful tips. I still think Boundaries for Kids was the best book I ever read, and using some of the skills I learned in that book and pairing them up with this book it worked out and he is now going into school on his own.
Help for understanding 1 Jun. 2009
By gabrielle P - Published on
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I felt like this book helped me better understand the reasons behind the anxiety and some of the methods did bring some relief. However I think with younger children it's always a challenge to really cure serios anxiety.
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