Narcissists always make sure that their relationships are organised around their priorities, their agendas, and their problems; they are people who are so self-involved that they can't really relate to their partners' needs. "Help, I'm in Love with a Narcissist" spells out why it's so easy to get romantically involved with narcissists, who are often experts in intensity, passion, and seduction, and also highlights the difficulties of remaining in these relationships. Using detailed anecdotes from narcissism survivors, the authors illustrate the common pitfalls of narcissistic relationships, and help readers come to terms with exactly what they are experiencing. They also draw the connection between narcissism and commitment issues as well as between narcissism and addictive behaviours such as alcoholism. With in-depth analysis, readers will learn how to cope with narcissistic relationships and how to get help or get out. Here are the valuable tactics and survival tips men and women in narcissistic relationships must have in order to take care of themselves. This book helps you: identify narcissistic behaviour and its painful impact; know why you may be particularly vulnerable to narcissists; recognise how narcissists make you feel special (at first); understand why you are doing most of the work in the relationship; learn to avoid future narcissistic seduction; and arrive at a realistic appraisal of your partner's capacity for change. Written with the compassionate language that people have come to rely upon and expect from these proven relationship experts, this book goes beyond an explanation of the condition to help men and women avoid the self-destructive permanence of remaining with people incapable of loving anyone but themselves.
HELP! I'M IN LOVE WITH A NARCISSIST
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Steven Carter lives in Los Angles, California. Julia Sokol lives in Bristol, Rhode Island.
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20 of 20 people found the following review helpful
By Norm
Format:Hardcover
I lived with my girlfriend for 5 years. I was crazy about her but could never quite figure out why I was always so frustrated in the relationship. Why was it always her way? She said she loved me, she was loyal, we had fun together, made plans for the future. But there was no compromise, no giving on her part.
Then when she broke up with me over something that should not have precipitated ending our relationship, I was devastated.
My therapist met the ex once and described her as controlling and closed. I started asking our mutual friends, who all used the word "selfish" to describe my ex.
How could someone who claimed to love me suddenly abandon me for no reason and for no one else when I faced financial and business challenges?
This book answered my questions. It is written in easy to understand language and provides numerous case studies and examples. I went through the book with a highlighter pen and marked off the descriptions that fit. Not all did, but enough to fully explain what I had been living with. While it didn't make the breakup any easier to accept, it did help me understand my partner better and to come to the realization that I could not help her because she did not want to change. That hoping for a reconciliation was a waste of time & energy.
It explained that we are all somewhat narcissistic. Healthy narcissism provides an equal balance between self and others. Unhealthy narcissism goes from exceedingly selfish and self-absorbed all the way to toxic Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissism is hard for even a professional to diagnose. Few narcissists will ever seek treatment or even admit their condition. After all, if they are good at it, they are essentially getting whatever they think they want.
The book explained what I was getting from the relationship as well and the work I needed to do on myself. Why I was attracted to someone incapable of giving real love.
I am still sad over the breakup. I miss the companionship & good times. What she chose for herself in terms of lifestyle was stylish and cultured. We traveled the world together. My ex had many delightful qualities and it is great fun to bask in the spotlight they shine on themselves. If she thought she was special and unique, and chose to be with me, then I was special and unique by association.
If you live with someone or love someone whose behavior just doesn't make sense, get this book and see if the one you love is a narcissist.
Then when she broke up with me over something that should not have precipitated ending our relationship, I was devastated.
My therapist met the ex once and described her as controlling and closed. I started asking our mutual friends, who all used the word "selfish" to describe my ex.
How could someone who claimed to love me suddenly abandon me for no reason and for no one else when I faced financial and business challenges?
This book answered my questions. It is written in easy to understand language and provides numerous case studies and examples. I went through the book with a highlighter pen and marked off the descriptions that fit. Not all did, but enough to fully explain what I had been living with. While it didn't make the breakup any easier to accept, it did help me understand my partner better and to come to the realization that I could not help her because she did not want to change. That hoping for a reconciliation was a waste of time & energy.
It explained that we are all somewhat narcissistic. Healthy narcissism provides an equal balance between self and others. Unhealthy narcissism goes from exceedingly selfish and self-absorbed all the way to toxic Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissism is hard for even a professional to diagnose. Few narcissists will ever seek treatment or even admit their condition. After all, if they are good at it, they are essentially getting whatever they think they want.
The book explained what I was getting from the relationship as well and the work I needed to do on myself. Why I was attracted to someone incapable of giving real love.
I am still sad over the breakup. I miss the companionship & good times. What she chose for herself in terms of lifestyle was stylish and cultured. We traveled the world together. My ex had many delightful qualities and it is great fun to bask in the spotlight they shine on themselves. If she thought she was special and unique, and chose to be with me, then I was special and unique by association.
If you live with someone or love someone whose behavior just doesn't make sense, get this book and see if the one you love is a narcissist.
24 of 25 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
Narcissist : person having a behavior which involves infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition.
Does this sound like your partner? Are you so used to your needs not being met that you've forgotten what it feels like to have those needs met?! For anyone who thinks they may be or have been in a relationship with a narcissist this will answer ALL your questions. If you are struggling in a relationship where you find yourself constantly confused by your partners behaviour, or if you have just come out of a relationship and are wondering what the hell just happened this will help to lay ALL of your confusions to rest. And most importantly will help you stop wondering what you could've done to make it work.
This book also looks at the other significant narcissists you may have in your life that can cause you to seek out narcissists as partners. This book is very much written for the average person without a degree in Psychology so is really accessible. Infact, it had me laughing out-loud at some points at how true some of the personal stories rang for me. This book REALLY could've been written about my entire relationship!
I could not recommend this book more. I am so glad I found it as i've been able to let go of SO many feelings that were holding me back me from getting on with my life after my break-up and also to see what I need to do to not make the same mistake again.
If you seriously want to do something about your situation living with or mourning a narcissist you won't regret buying this. These guys also wrote He's Scared, She's Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships which I found very good, but had I known about 'Help: I'm in love with a narcissist' before hand I would not have bought it. This book really does sum it all up!
I would however, recommend, as the book does a 12 Step program of recovery if you've consistently been affected by narcissists in your life and are really struggling.
Does this sound like your partner? Are you so used to your needs not being met that you've forgotten what it feels like to have those needs met?! For anyone who thinks they may be or have been in a relationship with a narcissist this will answer ALL your questions. If you are struggling in a relationship where you find yourself constantly confused by your partners behaviour, or if you have just come out of a relationship and are wondering what the hell just happened this will help to lay ALL of your confusions to rest. And most importantly will help you stop wondering what you could've done to make it work.
This book also looks at the other significant narcissists you may have in your life that can cause you to seek out narcissists as partners. This book is very much written for the average person without a degree in Psychology so is really accessible. Infact, it had me laughing out-loud at some points at how true some of the personal stories rang for me. This book REALLY could've been written about my entire relationship!
I could not recommend this book more. I am so glad I found it as i've been able to let go of SO many feelings that were holding me back me from getting on with my life after my break-up and also to see what I need to do to not make the same mistake again.
If you seriously want to do something about your situation living with or mourning a narcissist you won't regret buying this. These guys also wrote He's Scared, She's Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships which I found very good, but had I known about 'Help: I'm in love with a narcissist' before hand I would not have bought it. This book really does sum it all up!
I would however, recommend, as the book does a 12 Step program of recovery if you've consistently been affected by narcissists in your life and are really struggling.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
Very interesting and informative book. Well written with good advice and strategies for coping in the strange world of narcissism.
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