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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
So Bad Its Good,
By M. Dowden (London, UK) - See all my reviews (VINE VOICE) (TOP 50 REVIEWER) (HALL OF FAME REVIEWER) (REAL NAME)
This review is from: Hell Asylum [2002] [DVD] (DVD)
When you purchase these types of movie you never really know what you are going to get. I must admit that I was happy that I got this, although the back cover says this is approximately 82 minutes long, it is more like 65 - 70 minutes in duration. The actual premise for the story, a reality show set in a haunted house is quite good.
The show is supposed to be a pilot for a new reality show, the creator wants sexy women getting scared in a haunted house, his idea being that if they get scared they will get goosebumps and their nipples should thrust against their tops, thus making more men watch the show. The tv channel boss isn't too happy with the idea at the beginning, and wants to know how the prize will be awarded. There is a $1,000,000 cash prize for the person who stays in the house all night. With a limited budget for a pilot episode there is no way that a prize like that can be afforded, but the creator says not to worry. With a group of stereotypical types of women sent into the house, it is not long before we find that the house has been rigged with gadgetry and the makers aren't above a little hokum to scare the women off, also the woman that should win is actually the creator's girlfriend. But unbeknown to everyone there are really evil spirits in the house. Gradually the occupants of the house are killed by these spirits (dressed in Satanic hooded cowls), this resulting in the spirits feeding on their bodies. WIth views from the houses closed circuit cameras and the girls wearing minicams as well as normal camera shots the director has tried to give this some sort of atmosphere. Of course with the minicam shots people will say he is trying to rip-off 'The Blair Witch Project', a film that I think is awfully dull. The acting isn't good, but there is gore here, and the actual basic plot is a good idea, but ultimately this is a cheap film that has a hodge-podge feel where it feels that it has tried to be a rip-off of other films. But for all that I thoroughly enjoyed it, it doesn't set out to be anything great and it will guarantee a laugh (although whether this was the original intention, I don't know). If you like a good crappy movie to while away just over an hour then get this, it would be good to watch with friends and a few drinks.
1.0 out of 5 stars
I'm no doctor, but they're not intestines...,
This review is from: Hell Asylum [2002] [DVD] (DVD)
If this film has taught me one thing, it's to take the average Amazon rating with a pinch of salt. Although, I can only blame myself. In fact, the only reason I sat through the whole sorry spectacle was to avoid being accused of writing a bad review of a part-film.
I'll start with the positives - of which there aren't many - the John Carpenter-esque soundtrack and, of course, gratuitous T&A action. Other than that, it's downhill all the way. The sound and picture quality are appalling. At first I thought I was watching an old 80s horror transferred to DVD but, no, it was just that bad. The script - well what there is of it - is equally laughable. Other viewers have said it's so bad it's good. It's not. It's just plain bad. Oh, and that dude on the front cover and title screen? Nah, he doesn't feature. I wonder if that's a case for the Trade Descriptions Act...hmmm. To be fair, it could have been a half-decent film, a sort of cross between My Little Eye and Blair Witch Project. Or something. The premise wasn't that bad it was just the execution that left to be desired. I really hate those reviews that say 'i'll never get those 90 minutes back'. In fairness, I can say with impunity that i'll never get that 70 minutes back.
1.0 out of 5 stars
So bad, it's terrible,
By Arielle Clemence (North Carolina) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Hell Asylum [2002] [DVD] (DVD)
This film is not a good B-movie. In fact, it is quite the opposite. It is a terrible B-movie. I don't think they were even trying when they wrote the script. The effects look like they hired a first-grader to do them. The script went from bad to worse by not making any sense whatsoever. The acting was atrocious. I'm sure there are plenty of starving actors/actresses they could have hired to of done a better job. The cover picture is far more horrifying than anything in the movie.
**[Spoilers: Nine deaths does not warrant the tagline- "The body count has to be seen to be believed."]** If your looking for a great horror film, this is not it. I don't know how this got a distributor.
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