Healing Your Emotional Self
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Healing Your Emotional Self
"Emotionally abusive parents are indeed toxic parents, and they cause significant damage to their children′s self–esteem, self–image, and body image. In this remarkable book, Beverly Engel shares her powerful Mirror Therapy program for helping adult survivors to overcome their shame and self–criticism, become more compassionate and accepting of themselves, and create a more posititve self–image. I strongly recommend it for anyone who was abused or neglected as a child."
––Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Toxic Parents
"In this book, Beverly Engel documents the wide range of psychological abuses that so many children experience in growing up. Her case examples and personal accounts are poignant and powerful reminders that as adults, many of us are still limited by the defenses we formed when trying to protect ourselves in the face of the painful circumstances we found ourselves in as children. Engle′s insightful questionnaires and exercises provide concrete help in the healing process, and her writing style is lively and engaging. This book is destined to positively affect many lives."
––Joyce Catlett, M.A., coauthor of Fear of Intimacy
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship
"Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step–by–step strategies to stop emotional abuse . . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse."
––Marti Tamm Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse
Loving Him without Losing You
"A powerful and practical guide to relationships that every woman should read."
––Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of Are You the One for Me?
"Emotionally abusive parents are indeed toxic parents, and they cause significant damage to their children′s self–esteem, self–image, and body image. In this remarkable book, Beverly Engel shares her powerful Mirror Therapy program for helping adult survivors to overcome their shame and self–criticism, become more compassionate and accepting of themselves, and create a more posititve self–image. I strongly recommend it for anyone who was abused or neglected as a child."
––Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Toxic Parents
"In this book, Beverly Engel documents the wide range of psychological abuses that so many children experience in growing up. Her case examples and personal accounts are poignant and powerful reminders that as adults, many of us are still limited by the defenses we formed when trying to protect ourselves in the face of the painful circumstances we found ourselves in as children. Engle′s insightful questionnaires and exercises provide concrete help in the healing process, and her writing style is lively and engaging. This book is destined to positively affect many lives."
––Joyce Catlett, M.A., coauthor of Fear of Intimacy
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship
"Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step–by–step strategies to stop emotional abuse . . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse."
––Marti Tamm Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse
Loving Him without Losing You
"A powerful and practical guide to relationships that every woman should read."
––Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of Are You the One for Me?
From the Back Cover
"Emotionally abusive parents are indeed toxic parents, and they cause significant damage to their children′s self–esteem, self–image, and body image. In this remarkable book, Beverly Engel shares her powerful Mirror Therapy program for helping adult survivors to overcome their shame and self–criticism, become more compassionate and accepting of themselves, and create a more positive self–image."
—Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Toxic Parents
"Engel′s insightful questionnaires and exercises provide concrete help in the healing process, and her writing style is lively and engaging. This book is destined to positively affect many lives."
—Joyce Catlett, M.A., coauthor of Fear of Intimacy
In Healing Your Emotional Self, Beverly Engel, one of the world′s leading experts on emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, explains how to heal the damage to your self–image and self–esteem caused by negative parental messages and offers treatment to help you lead a happier and healthier life. This breakthrough guide is designed to help you reject the distorted images your parents either intentionally or unintentionally projected onto you. Step by step, this innovative method will give you the skills you need to quiet your inner critic, boost your self–esteem, create a positive self–image separate from your abusive parents′ distorted picture, discover who you really are, learn self–nurturing, and become the person you are meant to be.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
22 of 22 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
It is so refreshing to find a book on emtional abuse alone let alone one that is so direct so precise it gets right to the heart of the probems that survivors of such abuse face and brings a sense of balance and harmony into one's ife. It's not the easiest read in the word and Engel shares some sectets fom her own emotionally abusive past but it is so cleverly, expertly written that you can't fail to benefit from it. I would particualrly recommend this book to those who have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
The first thing I would like to say if you are considering reading this book is to be careful. I found it quite upsetting at times, and a lot of old thoughts, feelings, memories and anger came up. If you are feeling vulnerable or have experienced a lot of trauma, I think it may be worth seeking the support of a therapist before reading this book.
I viewed the book as being mainly split into two parts. The first part of the book is focussed on exploring and describing the various negative parenting styles that people may have been subjected to, including the effects they can have on a person's self-esteem and development. This was the part I found most upsetting. When you can recognise and relate to the experiences described, it can be rather difficult to digest and come to terms with.
The second part of the book focuses on healing, and there are various techniques presented to help you come to terms with your past, and to create a new and healthier way of relating to and treating yourself.
I do have some criticisms to make with this book. One of them is in regards to the exercises in the first part of the book. There are various written exercises to complete to help you gain more understanding of what happened to you and how you have been affected. Some of these include listing all the ways you were neglected and writing about your shaming experiences. Naturally, this can feel rather traumatic. After each exercise, the book continues as normal. I think it would have been helpful to have some suggestions after each exercise on how you can ground yourself, and bring yourself back to the present moment again. For me, I felt like I had gone back into my past and was just left there. It was quite difficult to "come back" to the present, and the book offers no help with that.
I also didn't agree with the way the author suggests getting angry with your parents, and casting the blame back onto them. One suggestion was to say, "I am not worthless. You are the one who was worthless. You were a worthless mother." While I agree that anger is a part of healing, I don't think it is healthy to keep that kind of frame of mind. The author also suggests shouting back at your "inner critic", which made me feel uncomfortable. I don't believe you can "shout down" your negative thoughts. I think replacing the thoughts with more compassionate ones is more beneficial, and I felt uneasy with the aggressive way you are encouraged to adopt in order to counter the negative thoughts.
I also would have liked more detail on the various helpful techniques. The author just skims briefly on the techniques, without really going into any great detail about them.
However, I do think the second part of the book was very good overall. The author writes with great understanding and knowledge, and shares her own experiences too, so you feel she knows where you are coming from. After reading the book, I do feel I have learned new ways of coping and of talking to myself, such as developing a nurturing inner voice and an inner protector. I do feel my self-hatred has lessened, although I think it will naturally take more than reading a book to feel a vast change in oneself.
So overall, apart from a few things I disagreed with, I found this book quite comforting and helpful. But just do be careful when reading this book if you are currently in an emotional state.
I viewed the book as being mainly split into two parts. The first part of the book is focussed on exploring and describing the various negative parenting styles that people may have been subjected to, including the effects they can have on a person's self-esteem and development. This was the part I found most upsetting. When you can recognise and relate to the experiences described, it can be rather difficult to digest and come to terms with.
The second part of the book focuses on healing, and there are various techniques presented to help you come to terms with your past, and to create a new and healthier way of relating to and treating yourself.
I do have some criticisms to make with this book. One of them is in regards to the exercises in the first part of the book. There are various written exercises to complete to help you gain more understanding of what happened to you and how you have been affected. Some of these include listing all the ways you were neglected and writing about your shaming experiences. Naturally, this can feel rather traumatic. After each exercise, the book continues as normal. I think it would have been helpful to have some suggestions after each exercise on how you can ground yourself, and bring yourself back to the present moment again. For me, I felt like I had gone back into my past and was just left there. It was quite difficult to "come back" to the present, and the book offers no help with that.
I also didn't agree with the way the author suggests getting angry with your parents, and casting the blame back onto them. One suggestion was to say, "I am not worthless. You are the one who was worthless. You were a worthless mother." While I agree that anger is a part of healing, I don't think it is healthy to keep that kind of frame of mind. The author also suggests shouting back at your "inner critic", which made me feel uncomfortable. I don't believe you can "shout down" your negative thoughts. I think replacing the thoughts with more compassionate ones is more beneficial, and I felt uneasy with the aggressive way you are encouraged to adopt in order to counter the negative thoughts.
I also would have liked more detail on the various helpful techniques. The author just skims briefly on the techniques, without really going into any great detail about them.
However, I do think the second part of the book was very good overall. The author writes with great understanding and knowledge, and shares her own experiences too, so you feel she knows where you are coming from. After reading the book, I do feel I have learned new ways of coping and of talking to myself, such as developing a nurturing inner voice and an inner protector. I do feel my self-hatred has lessened, although I think it will naturally take more than reading a book to feel a vast change in oneself.
So overall, apart from a few things I disagreed with, I found this book quite comforting and helpful. But just do be careful when reading this book if you are currently in an emotional state.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
An exceptional insight into the core issues of well established and repetative patterns of behaviour and subconcious motivation laid down as a result of emotional damage in childhood.
I'd highly recommend this to anyone seeking to understand themselves and others and to heal the wounds of abuse.In many cases behaviour is discribed that hitherto may never have been recognised as abusive.
For any one asking the question of "Why does it always happen to me?" or always feeling that "missing something" this book is a MUST.
I'd highly recommend this to anyone seeking to understand themselves and others and to heal the wounds of abuse.In many cases behaviour is discribed that hitherto may never have been recognised as abusive.
For any one asking the question of "Why does it always happen to me?" or always feeling that "missing something" this book is a MUST.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
still reading!
i started off by trying to find out why i was being so badly treated by my bosses and so called friends and i thought this can't be just bad luck as some of my friends were telling... Read more
Published 2 months ago by katka
A caring book
A caring and well written book. I'd encourage any reader to be gentle with yourself and others close to you if you delve into these issues.
Published 4 months ago by lovebooks
First step to understand and confront yourself
For more than 28 years of my life and till now, I've been living in an emotional debt and deep struggle and pain and I couldn't understand why. Read more
Published 12 months ago by Ali jabir-Iraq
powerfulll book
i was lookin for book which ld help with this sufering of childabuse.. and i think it is very powerfull book.. Read more
Published 18 months ago by whiterose
Not all that helpful to me
I have some issues with self-esteem and after reading 2 5-star reviews I thought this book would help me work on some of this. Read more
Published 20 months ago by Cachotterie
Excellent
This book was a huge help to me. Beverley Engel just seems to be able to read everything in your mind and explain in great detail why you feel the way you do. Read more
Published on 9 Mar 2010 by Bogge25
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