Oh, where to start...
I'll start by saying that my affection for this glorious classic hasn't waned one jot in the 31 years since its release. The incredibly derivative and cliché laden plot is simple. Evil older brother Voltan, hammed to the maximum by a seemingly enraged Jack Palance, is desperate to know the secret of his father's power. After failing to find it, he stabs his father and leaves him to die in their castle's gold-walled sauna. Minutes after Voltan makes his exit, in comes younger brother Hawk, played by a charismatic-free John Terry (no, not the footballer, although he may have done a better job) Before dying, their father imparts the incredible secret. A glowing green pebble, which when fitted to their family sword, becomes a sort of Jedi mind-trick sword, able to leap into the user's hand by the power of the mind alone.
Swearing vengeance, Hawk sets out across the country, a sort of strange, dry-ice-filled medieval England, but complete with woods, snakes, swamps and other genre tomfoolery like "The Forest of Weird".
Meanwhile Voltan aka "The Dark One" (Hmm) has been busy throwing his weight about by kidnapping an Abbess from her church in order to extract a hefty ransom from the local Abbott. Another warrior saved by the nuns sets out to track down Hawk and see if he will help out. You see Hawk has a score to settle with his older brother, as it is told via flashback that Hawk stole Voltan's girlfriend (maybe that other John Terry would have been better suited to this role after all?), so after a tussle in which Voltan is burned in the face, "The Dark One" kills her. Still with me?
No good warrior, especially one whose expression never changes, goes to war alone however, and so Hawk decides after saving a witch, to recruit three old buddies. A giant (only just a bit taller than Hawk) an Elf (a strange Vulcan-type individual) and a dwarf (only just a bit smaller than Hawk)
The witch deserves a special mention, because her spells are marvellous. At one point she incapacitates a guard using silly string, and in another fantastic sequence, blinds an entire army with dry ice and glowing ping-pong balls. (Really)
Brilliantly hokey dialogue, bizarre special effects, a totally wooden hero, a wonderful disco-flute musical score and a plot that beggars belief make this film totally unmissable.
The Hunchback may have many things to say, but I have already said too much....buy this classic today.