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on 17 November 1998
I suffered from tremendous anger, and didn't know why until I read this book. This book helped me understand why I was always so angry and couldn't control it. I just thought I was a physco. I really was depressed and afraid and that scared me. I now know what I suffer from, and that I'm not alone. I always felt alone, like a crazy person. Now I have some hope, and can face my self and others. This book described me to the T. I recommend this book to everyone suffering inside and notsure why. I was emotionally and physically abused by my father for years, now I as an adult I can startto recover. Please read this book, if you think you could possibly have BPD. Also read this book if youthink you have a loved one with BPD.Because they need your help. It helped me, and it can help you.
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on 30 October 1998
After I found the love of my life, I let her know how I felt. Then the rollercoaster ride started. I saw her actually trying to push me away, while at the same time acting like she didn't want me to go. I was left dazed and confused - until I read this book. BPD is a widespread problem that you won't hear about in the news, and therapists don't like to talk about. This book, however, will help you understand what is going on, and what you can do about it. The authors explain BPD with examples and terminology that anyone can understand. If you or someone you love suffers from BPD, you MUST read this book. You will learn you are not alone.
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on 11 August 2007
I'm diagnosed BPD & contrary to much of the opinion here i DID find this book , for the most part, helpful.

Yes, it is written as though aimed at family, friends, colleagues etc but that doesnt mean it isn't useful for Borderlines as well. In fact i can accept some of the harsher realities of my Personality better when read as though in the third person as it is equally as informative but much less condemning that having the author tell YOU how wonky YOU are.

The book contains many, many case studies & real life accounts of Borderlines which i always find interesting - especially when you read how these people have found ways to deal with their behaviours & thus improve their relationships.

Contrary to one opinion here i think the book does give hope for recovery - i'm not sure BPD can ever be called cured but i believe we can certainly learn the skills needed to recover & lead much more fulfilling lives. This book details the SET principle - though this is something to be used by those dealing with Borderlines, not really Borderlines themselves.

I agree the book is showing its age, it makes no mention of modern therapeutic practices such as DBT in the treatment of BPD and the pharmacotherapy section is pretty outdated now too.

However i would recommend this book solely on its section regarding coping and dealing with the Borderline, it explains why we behave how we do & how best to deal with us when we are being difficult. I imagine there is more thorough literiture on dealing with us out there but this is a good start.

To sum it up in a nutshell... outdated but still worth a read.
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on 19 February 1999
I was so confused, wondering what was wrong with me. I was told I wasn't good enough. I went to therapy trying to find out what was wrong with me. My therapist finally told me my wife was manic depressive but I was okay, only angry about being verbally and emotionally abused for years. I still didn't understand. Years later, I discovered an affair, then another and another. As I reviewed our past, I discovered I lived in denial and failed to recognize my wife's manipulations and how she hid her affairs. The discovery was shocking. I was totally confused. I couldn't make any sense out of it. What was going on? This book helped me understand. I became more aware. I was a co-dependent to a BPD. The book helped me cope through the SET principle, but had mixed results with her because Borderlines question empathic words. A great introductory book to become more aware. Learning more about BPD isn't as important as learning to deal with it on a daily basis with loved ones.
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on 20 August 1999
I agree that this book is well written, but I, as someone with borderline personality disorder, believe that when this book was written, treatment for the disorder was not establised in an organized way. I think this book writes about the disorder as if there is no hope for those who have the disorder. I know that is isn't author's fault. When the book was written, it was probably true that there was nothing to help individuals with the disorder. I admit that this book gives me a good understanding about the disorder, but I am concerned that someone thinks there is no hope if you are diagnosed with the disorder. In terms of treatment and therapy, what the book is telling us is no longer true today. The borderline personality disorder is treatable today.
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on 30 April 2010
Someone recommended this book to me, however after reading all the reviews on Amazon, I thought it might be a bit out of date after all. Eventually I bought it because of the title, which says it all, and guess is an absolute masterpiece. It refers to some famous people who suffered from the ilness and I remember myself reading Marilyn's biographies and I could identify myself with the way she felt. This book makes it all so clear and in a non-judgemental way, to me it looks like the author was ahead of his times as (ok may be apart from the references), the book itself touches subjects that even the most recent books don't and it is written in such an interesting way too. I encourage you to also read "The Angry Heart" The Angry Heart: Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders
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on 11 June 2004
This book is obviously not aimed at the people who actually suffer from BPD, rather their families/partners/friends. I say this because it is blunt,frank,lacking in tact. And it is for these reasons that i would recommend it highly to anyone who suffers with this condition as i myself have. The author doesn't cushion the blows or sugar coat it in the least, which is the only real way to be able to take any of this information in if you are suffering with the condition.
I would highly reccommend this to sufferers and their partners alike, as though in parts it may be a little outdated, it is certainly eye-opening.
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on 31 October 2006
I bought this after reading one of the reviews here, as my ex-husband fulfils almost all of the criteria for diagnosis, and despite being divorced since 2001, still tries to control & create havoc in the lives of me & our children. This book is great up to a point, already identified, that it is based in the 1980's, and really feels like going back in time, and on a more practical note refers to the criteria set in DSM-III-R, which have obviously been updated quite significantly since. It still would serve as a good introduction to BPD, although "Stop Walking On Eggshells" feels more current and is a more fluent read.
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on 30 November 1998
I found this book to be very useful in helping me understand the behavior of a woman with whom I was involved. It was recommended to me by my therapist who was treating me for depression because of the traumatic relationship I had with a borderline.
Kreisman and Straus do an excellent job of explaining the root causes, behaviors, and treatment of the disorder as well as coping skills for dealing with a person with BPD. Although the relationship was turbulent and ended disastrously, I found a great deal of comfort in the book because it explained how and why a borderline behaves the she does. I learned that I indeed had narcissistic tendencies which drew me toward women with clinging and idealizing behavior, but then devaluating and vengeful behavior. Basically I was involved in a hostile/dependent ( narcissistic / borderline ) relationship. It made me take a serious look at my self. I also have learned to be a lot more cautious about who I relate with in my life.
Borderlines are not evil, just very vengeful and scared people. If you are involved in any capacity with someone who exhibits primitive idealization, devaluation, omnipotence, projection, or projective identification and seems irrational, this person may have BPD. This book will help you learn principles to help cope with a borderline. I sure wish I had access to it when I was involved with one.
I think this is among the books which have had the most positive impact on my life. This book will help you identify and understand borderline behavior as well as cope with those who are afflicted with this misunderstood and painful disorder. I hope you will find it useful as I have.
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on 16 July 1998
Overall, this book provides an excellent starting point for those who are faced with the challenging task of pursuing a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder. Written in a compassionate and understandable manner, it provides a comprehensive overview of the disorder and its causes, symptoms, and treatment strategies. The author(s) did an excellent job of explaining the borderline's seemingly manipulative and cruel behavior within the context of his/her past experiences and the resulting personality disorder. Also, the explanation of the disorder's symptoms was good and fairly thorough. However, the information provided on methods of coping with the borderline's depression, unreasonable anger, self-destructive tendencies, manipulative behavior, and general communication problems was somewhat thin. The SET method of communication introduced in the text is effective, but some of the space devoted to it might have been better used to explore ! ! other methods of coping and communicating with the borderline.
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