"God Works for Me Now" is my uniquely personal story. It relates the devastating and somewhat 'surreal' account of my ex-partners intense 'spiritual emergency', the phrase coined for when a 'spiritual opening of consciousness' becomes a serious mental health crisis.
It is not a book about religion in any way, shape or form and although I anguished over the title, I felt guided to go with it, as this was the 'ego-driven' and diabolical 'claim' that my partner made at the height of his experience. Imagine an ego so wildly out of control, that he believed himself the Saviour of all mankind and that God was his employee! Then imagine for a moment being on the receiving end of those forceful energies, 'narcissism', love turned on the self, - playing out to an extreme and dangerous level.
At the height of the experience, Jai slipped into an illusory world of spontaneous 'visions' and dramatic spiritual insights, which often left me see-sawing between his overwhelming euphoria on the one hand and his acute state of anxiety on the other.
Quote from Chapter Three; "I was thrown into a world of unfathomable outbursts, wild fanciful claims and twisted rages ..." and as a result, my life took on a turbulence I could barely master. The bizarre twists in mood, the intense emotions and the inexplicable rage were always lurking just below the surface ... and inevitably gave way to bursts of physical violence.
It was an experience that took myself and my two children to hell and back. Picture one example when Jai, (my ex-partner) ordered my (then) nine year old to "take a knife from the kitchen drawer" and then added in a calm and forceful manner; "Now cut off my little finger, I will not bleed and I will not feel pain".
This daily roller-coaster ride to hell, took me to the brink of emotional and mental collapse, financial ruin and homelessness. But it was also an experience which forced me into the realms of mental health research, in a desperate attempt to understand and help the man I loved. As a Psychotherapist, and someone acutely interested (and practised) in various healing modalities, I believed myself to have the awareness and understanding to be equipped to deal with such an event.
I learned two very valuable lessons in the school of life; 1)that it is not possible to 'save' another human being and 2)that 'letting go' is an act of love in itself ... and in all of this, I learned a great deal about myself as well.
I wanted to recount my story, primarily to bring awareness to Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a condition that grips more than 1% of the population and a disorder that is as devastating and destructive to those affected by it, as to the sufferer himself.
Someone once said, "forgiveness is an inside job". I believe them. I had to learn to let go of Jai with forgiveness and understanding.
I hope my story answers some important questions about the 'myriad' of intensly associated symptoms that can accompany the anguished search into enlightenment... as well as serve as a message of hope to those who find themselves in similar circumstances, believing there is no way out.
I share with you my experience, with courage, integrity and love. Namaste.