1991 second edition, Penguin Books, 229 pages (of which 187 pages form the main body of the book).
If you've read any of my other reviews, you won't be surprised to discover this is another of the twenty books recommended by Charlie Munger in the second edition of Poor Charlie's Almanack (the most useful book I've read).
I have wanted to learn more about negotiation since last year, when I had particularly protracted and unpleasant negotiations over leaving my previous full time job. It was probably the most unpleasant time of my life, it went on for months and the return for that huge personal cost was very poor (for everyone except my lawyer, that is). My relations with all of the people at the firm were also destroyed by the time the mess finally ended. I figured there had to be a better way - and the sooner I learned it the better.
Having a single book on the subject recommended by a very well read and extremely effective individual in his eighties like Munger was ideal. If there is a single, most useful text on negotiation, this should be it. Fortunately, even with such high expectations, I wasn't disappointed. I would include Getting to Yes amongst the top ten most useful books I have read.
It makes an excellent companion volume to Karen Pryor's Don't Shoot the Dog, which I have just re-read. Getting to Yes tells you how to approach forming agreements between people (whether a divorce or simply which film to watch at the cinema this week). Don't Shoot the Dog shows you how to teach (whether animals, people or yourself) and learn. Between them they cover most of the important situations in which conflict is likely to occur.
Their general approach is the same: that efforts to dominate or be combative are unnecessary and usually counter-productive. The most obvious specific similarity is their suggestion that one always try to look at the situation from the other side:
"The ability to see the situation as the other side sees it, as difficult as it may be, is one of the most important skills a negotiator can possess."
Many people (previously including myself) think that if one is not being `tough' then one is being weak. Both of these wonderfully humane books show clearly that this is not the case. You can be pleasant and understanding whilst still being tough (in the principled sense) and unyieldingly fair. What a relief to know that you can be both - and be more effective.
I found Getting to Yes rather painful to read at times, as I kept comparing the advice and examples in the book with my own experiences of the previous year. Many times the authors advise acting in a certain way and warn what is likely to happen with other (more common) approaches. My book is littered with scribbled comments saying things like `oh dear - this is exactly what happened in my situation'.
Most people view negotiation (I certainly did) as simply a choice between hard and soft positional bargaining. Fortunately it turns out that this view is wrong:
"If you do not like the choice between hard and soft positional bargaining, you can change the game.
The game of negotiation takes place at two levels. At one level, negotiation addresses the substance; at another it focuses - usually implicitly - on the procedure for dealing with the substance."
This whole book is about how one changes the procedural game from positional bargaining to what the authors call `principled negotiation'. Principled negotiation involves attacking the problem independent of the people by focussing on interests rather than positions. By focussing on the interests - that literally must underlie all positions - the authors show that it is often possible to invent additional options that fulfil those interests better than the obvious initial positions. By insisting on the use of objective criteria, the authors also show how one can form wiser agreements and cope with intransigent positional bargainers (it becomes difficult to sustain arbitrary positions in the face of a negotiator who brings in objective, external standards to justify all of his suggestions).
It is welcome to see that the authors realise their methods are no panacea. They understand that the best a method of negotiation can achieve is the wisest result possible for all parties, bearing in mind the situation and the people involved.
I particularly liked the brevity and clear structure of Getting to Yes. There is a danger in `how to' books like this of being presented with so many individual pieces of advice that, whilst individually sensible, we find ourselves overwhelmed when we try to put them into practice. All the advice forms a sort of mental sludge from which little stands out.
I noted with interest the authors mention in the preface that their editor reorganised the book and cut it in half: "To spare our readers, he had the good sense not to spare our feelings." I couldn't agree more and I`m very grateful to their (clearly first rate) editor. It reminds me of a comment Elmore Leonard made about his own books: "if it reads easy, it was because it was written hard". That's the way books should be.
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