'Very funny, hugely feel-good and the perfect antidote for anyone who worries that the only career ladder they've achieved is a run in their tights' (Fiona Walker on LIZZIE JORDAN'S SECRET LIFE)
'Manby will have you in fits once again' (OK!)
'Nothing short of brilliant' (Marie Claire on SEVEN SUNNY DAYS)
'Devour it in one go' (Company on READY OR NOT?)
'Lighthearted feel-good stuff'(Heat)
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
summer loving . . .
`Will I ever be somebody's Whoopsie?'
That was the question on Ruby Taylor's mind as she watched the new Mrs Winky Foreman smash a lump of chocolate wedding cake into her brand-new husband's mouth. If there really is someone for everyone, Ruby thought, then her old college friend Susannah (known affectionately to her husband as Whoopsie) and Winky - known to everyone as Winky - it was his real name, must surely be the proof.
Personally, Ruby would have run screaming from a man who looked like the original model for Humpty Dumpty, sported sweat patches like small paddy-fields even in the dead of winter and thought it funny to refer to the animal noises his new wife makes in bed in his wedding day speech. But to Susannah, who galumphed up the aisle as though she was wearing Wellington boots even in her new Jimmy Choos, Winky Foreman was perfect. Yin to her yang. Salt to her pepper. Stinky to her Whoopsie. Apparently.
It was the fourth wedding Ruby had attended so far that year and it wasn't even June. First Jane and Ian. C of E and canapes in Gloucestershire. Then Mark and Jacqui. Registry office and pizza in South Ken. Then Peter
and Katherine. Pomp and circumstance in Rutland. Now Winky and Susannah. Full-blown upper crust bad behaviour in Shropshire. Morning coats, pink marquee, stomachs pumped at dawn.
Lou Capshaw and Martin Ashcroft, who often seemed to Ruby to be the only single people left in the world bar herself, sat with her on the `miscellaneous' table. There's one at every wedding - usually stuck by the kitchen door - for the singles, the widowers, the holiday acquaintances and the barking great-aunt of the bride. They whiled their time away playing `Wedding Disco Bingo' (which involved writing down ten songs you expected to hear at the reception and ticking them off as they were played).
Martin was winning. Susannah and Winky started the dancing to `Lady in Red', putting him straight into the lead. Then came `The Birdie Song' (for the little ones), `Tainted Love' (for the bitter ones) and `Oops, Upside Your Head' (especially for the bride).
`OK, then. Which side is going to start the food fight?' Lou asked idly.
By now Susannah was wearing less make-up than cake.
`Bride,' said Martin definitely.
`Groom,' said Lou. She was right. Within seconds, a profiterole missile issued from a table of louts who played for Winky's rugby club. They had long since turned their old school ties into Red Injun-style bandannas and now they were attacking the bridesmaids in a brutal re-enactment of General `Custard's' Last Stand.
`Ladies' room?' Ruby suggested to Lou. Susannah may not have been bothered about getting icing on her vintage silk wedding dress but Ruby was rather more precious about her one and only real Donna Karan.
`Aren't they just perfect for each other?' slurred a girl in the queue for the Portakabin that was serving as the ladies' that afternoon.
`Perfect,' Lou agreed. Ruby was grateful that Lou didn't go into her theory about bride and groom sharing a paternal grandmother.
`Of course,' said the girl, as she reapplied her lipstick somewhat haphazardly. `It's rather funny when you think about how they met.'
`How did they meet?' Ruby wondered aloud, imagining a Scottish reeling ball where Winky whirled Susannah out of a badly stitched ball gown during the Duke of Perth and then offered to help her back into it.
`Through a personal ad! Can you believe it? Susannah advertised in The Telegraph for a man with GSOH.'
`Good sense of humour?' Ruby translated.
`More like great shag, own helicopter!' Lipstick Girl replied. `What a catch, eh?'
`I think I would have thrown him back,' muttered Lou.
Just then the bride herself lurched into the queue for the loos.
`Coming through, girls,' she said. `Wide load approaching.' Her multi-layered skirt would barely fit through the Portakabin door.
`Oh, Suze,' sighed the Lipstick Girl. `Can you believe you've finally bagged your man?'
`Bit bloody surprised,' Susannah admitted. `Better get him on honeymoon before the Rohypnol wears off!
Haw, haw, haw!!!'
Ruby and Lou shared a worried glance.
`Louisa!' Susannah brayed. `And Ruby! Thanks for coming, darlings. Set your sights on any dishy guys yet?
There's a whole bunch of lads from Winky's rugby club over by the dance floor and most of them are single or in the process of getting divorced. Get your orders in before Finty Chambers has them all!'
`Already have had them all!' brayed Finty, as she emerged, at last, from the cubicle they'd all been waiting for. `And none of them made my first fifteen. Haw haw haw!' --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.