Originally published in 1988, GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT has helped thousands of couples attain more loving, supportive and deeply satisfying relationships. In this groundbreaking book, Dr Harville Hendrix shares with you what he has learned about the psychology of love during more than thirty years of working as a therapist and helps you transform your relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship. For this edition of his classic book, Dr Hendrix and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, have added a new introduction describing the powerful influence this book has had on so many people over the years. With its step-by-step programme, GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT will help you create a loving, supportive and revitalized partnership.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
44 of 45 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
For the first time, I have actually understood why and how break-ups and divorces happen. Harville Hendrix's book tells a universal story simply and honestly. Even more importantly, it shows how to break those patterns and heal relationships even if they seem to be long past repair. Our childhood experiences dictate who we fall in love with - and we will choose exactly the person who can highlight all our weaknesses. Once the great rush of love is over, the challenges remain and, unless we learn how to love each other through them, patterns will simply repeat. The way out is shown to be very simple - although Hendrix is entirely honest in saying that it is not easy to do. I found this inspiring. I was recommended to this book by a couple who had used the principles to mend and revitalise their marriage after 20 years of misunderstandings. Their happiness, many years on, is a testamony of the effectiveness of this knowledge. I am now beginnng the work myself and it has given such hope.
29 of 31 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This book was recommended to me by a top London family therapist after a year of marriage counselling. I devoured it in one sitting, gave to my husband to read (who just doesn't read "self-help" books, but he breezed through this one) and we both agreed that we got out of it more than from a year of therapy.
Very easy to read, it provides a great new insight into the marriage dynamics and makes you wonder why this is not a wideknown truth and why it isn't full of "Imago" therapists (the author calls his particular approach "Imago therapy").
The book has a set of exercises at the end, which if you do over 10 weeks are supposed to significantly improve your relationship. We are in week 2 and so far so good.
I highly recommend this book. Even if you do not do a single exercise and your partner doesn't want to hear about it, you will still get wisdom and perspective I had not come across anywhere else and which is bound to make you a better and more understanding partner and improve your relationship.
22 of 24 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
The wonderful thing about Hendrix's book is that it is designed to help you restore your relationship not just understand how it fell apart.
We marry often by chance or peer pressure and live to wonder how "we got into this."
Hendrix shows us how to meet our own legitimate needs and understand how to meet our partners'.
In the end we cannot badger our partner into changing or loving us.
It is us who must change and in doing so we change the conduct of our partner.
We need to understand both, but work on ourselves.
Any one who feels stress in any relationship should read and understand the "imago" and our limbic brains use of it.
As Tina Turner says, "Whats love got to do with it,...its just a second hand emotion"
Well she half right. Visceral love has a lot to do with who we married, but mature love has as much to do with staying married.
Dr Hendrix is terrific.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars
A 'must have' for couples and those considering a relationship
I run courses on relationships at the Atlow Mill Centre and I will certainly include this book in the reading list. I wish I had written it. Read more
Published 10 months ago by andypandy
4.0 out of 5 stars
Helpful execises
This book was recommended to help my husband and I hone our communication skills within our marriage. Read more
Published 11 months ago by Grandma
4.0 out of 5 stars
Getting the Love you Want, A Guide for Couples, Harville Hendrix
A really good guide for both professionals working with couples and couples wanting to understand why they are drawn to certain types of personalities. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Therapist Doris
5.0 out of 5 stars
Really Good Buy
I had this book recommended to me by two very reliable people. I have just finished it and shall be starting the workbook in the new year. Read more
Published 17 months ago by Ruth B
5.0 out of 5 stars
we can all learn from this book
An explanation of how and why we choose each other in an intimate relationship.
Specially useful, in this easy to read book, are the practical exercises that we can do to... Read more
Specially useful, in this easy to read book, are the practical exercises that we can do to... Read more
Published on 18 Feb 2011 by judith verity
5.0 out of 5 stars
Worth a Good Look
I looked at this book from a different perspective than most readers. I didn't read it as a person in need of relationship advice. Read more
Published on 30 Nov 2010 by listmaniac
5.0 out of 5 stars
DIY Marriage Counseling
Every relationship hits a wall. You keep having the same fights over and over again. There are issues that neither of you can agree about. Read more
Published on 31 Aug 2010 by Amy Waterman
1.0 out of 5 stars
A Complete Rip Off
I'm amazed the estate of Carl Rogers hasn't sued this author - this book is a complete steal of Roger's Therapy and Personality Theory. Read more
Published on 1 Feb 2010 by 1964
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent
Not only does everything in this book make sense, I found it readable, honest, not overly complicated and above all doable! Read more
Published on 30 Sep 2009 by Sophie Boss
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great Read!
If you want an intelligent guide to making marriage work (as opposed to some quick fix or gimmicky guide, or, even worse, some retro-marriage guide that's based solely on female... Read more
Published on 15 May 2009 by Jennifer Jay
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