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Product Description
"Being gay and single is the new smoking," Paul Rudnick has said. "It won't be socially acceptable anymore, and you will have to go outside." Rudnick's hilarious formulation, which highlights this idea that being gay and single is emerging as a new sort of pariah status, is the starting point for this totally original, brave and compellingly argued book. Author Steven Bereznai is a catch - and yet, at 31, he has never had a boyfriend. "Is Singlesville my final destination?" Bereznai wonders. Or does a partner await? And what does he really want? - to pair up, or to maintain the independence of a single life. Bereznai compellingly investigates the basic question of whether there is room for him, and other single gay men, in a post-Stonewall era where the push to partner with a man has replaced the pressure to marry a woman. Through a mix of personal narrative, interviews with dozens of gay men, including Andrew Holleran and Michael Bronski, and acute social and psychological commentary, Bereznai has written a book that will resonate deeply among gay men, the majority of whom, even today, spend most of their lives unattached.
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12 reviews
15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
A good read.. but hardly a manual for us happily single
4 April 2009
Format:Paperback
HI!
I forced myself to read this book twice.. once to simply tread, push, soldier, and wade through the pages of the author's sexcapades, his constant whining/pining, blaming, Ecstasy-induced, Cocaine-facilitated liaisons and to deal with the bleak future he gives gays--some from the interviews he conducted, but most from his own recollections.
My second reading was conducted to really go at it with a determination to be both objective and fair. I liked some of the realities and some of the socio-evolutionary findings. Yet, unfortunately, the second reading made me far more depressed than the first!
Is being a gay single defined solely as a life of clubbing, doing drugs, being obsessed with the body perfect (both yours and the body of the one you're interested in), having to work long hours to have money for a "plastic surgery fund", having sex at bath houses or with prostitutes (oh sorry.. they prefer to be called "escorts".. I tend to call things as they are) or F-buddies (call it what it is!), and basically whining about loves lost and this dark, dank, depressive whole he'd call a life; all the while trying to defy convention and not turning into, as he calls it, a "bitter sheila", but knowing you are slowly becoming one??
The advice he gives could have been given succinctly with clear bullet points and other resources; thereby cutting the book's size in half--and thus saving some of us the vapid tedium of wading through what amounts to a cross between "Bitter Sex and the City" and "Confessions of a Circuit Club Queen".
If his attempt was to be a mentor/role model that single, gay guys look up to, he failed! After the second reading of his book I was half-tempted to fix myself a Drain-o cocktail and end it all.
While there are parts of the book that were pretty interesting and actually hopeful (especially the sections and snippets where it's important to have friends who are in some ways truly family), the book as a whole was a total downer. I had expected much more in the way of positive, real-world realities, and a little less of his cruising confessional. If anything, he gave us a work that screams "WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW NOT TO BE"!!
Yeah, I'm really disappointed with this work.
I forced myself to read this book twice.. once to simply tread, push, soldier, and wade through the pages of the author's sexcapades, his constant whining/pining, blaming, Ecstasy-induced, Cocaine-facilitated liaisons and to deal with the bleak future he gives gays--some from the interviews he conducted, but most from his own recollections.
My second reading was conducted to really go at it with a determination to be both objective and fair. I liked some of the realities and some of the socio-evolutionary findings. Yet, unfortunately, the second reading made me far more depressed than the first!
Is being a gay single defined solely as a life of clubbing, doing drugs, being obsessed with the body perfect (both yours and the body of the one you're interested in), having to work long hours to have money for a "plastic surgery fund", having sex at bath houses or with prostitutes (oh sorry.. they prefer to be called "escorts".. I tend to call things as they are) or F-buddies (call it what it is!), and basically whining about loves lost and this dark, dank, depressive whole he'd call a life; all the while trying to defy convention and not turning into, as he calls it, a "bitter sheila", but knowing you are slowly becoming one??
The advice he gives could have been given succinctly with clear bullet points and other resources; thereby cutting the book's size in half--and thus saving some of us the vapid tedium of wading through what amounts to a cross between "Bitter Sex and the City" and "Confessions of a Circuit Club Queen".
If his attempt was to be a mentor/role model that single, gay guys look up to, he failed! After the second reading of his book I was half-tempted to fix myself a Drain-o cocktail and end it all.
While there are parts of the book that were pretty interesting and actually hopeful (especially the sections and snippets where it's important to have friends who are in some ways truly family), the book as a whole was a total downer. I had expected much more in the way of positive, real-world realities, and a little less of his cruising confessional. If anything, he gave us a work that screams "WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW NOT TO BE"!!
Yeah, I'm really disappointed with this work.
24 of 29 people found the following review helpful
Not a practical book for the single guy
26 July 2007
Format:Paperback
Sorry, this book wasn't for me. I gave it a chance, but its language just didn't reach out to me. But mostly, it just wasn't practical enough for me. There were interesting stories shared, like the one where the "friends with benefits" guy actually steps up and helps the author paint in a moment of crisis. Don't get me wrong, that was really sweet. There were a few moments like that.
But I'm newly single and trying to figure out how to date, and this didn't help me do that. I was looking for bulleted lists. Checklists. Nuts and bolts. Succinct and discrete steps. I didn't get that.
But I'm newly single and trying to figure out how to date, and this didn't help me do that. I was looking for bulleted lists. Checklists. Nuts and bolts. Succinct and discrete steps. I didn't get that.
17 of 20 people found the following review helpful
Vapid
22 Oct 2007
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
To sum it up in one word: Vapid. Written by and about exactly the type of gay man(?) who makes me want to renounce my homosexualty. I am half way through this book and don't think I will be able to finish it. The meat of this book is a collection of woeful societial oppression collected & cited from other's works. It seems like a shallow circuit queen's way of excusing her own failure in the relationship arena.
I don't mean to seem bitter, but for around $10.85 Charlotte Kasl's "If the Buddha Dated" is a much better way to get in touch with yourself; Which seems to be the core message of this book.
Berenzai's book makes for the 11th thing I should know about being gay and single.
I don't mean to seem bitter, but for around $10.85 Charlotte Kasl's "If the Buddha Dated" is a much better way to get in touch with yourself; Which seems to be the core message of this book.
Berenzai's book makes for the 11th thing I should know about being gay and single.
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