Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing [Kindle Edition]

I am a licensed clinical psychologist (PhD) and work as a clinician, researcher, and professor. I believe I am well qualified to review this book (probably more qualified than Mr. Cohen was to write it). I am mainly writing this review for the people who might buy this book without being aware that it is not what they think it is.

First, please understand who Mr. Cohen is and is not. He is not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or any kind of legaly recognized mental health professional. He has never been licensed in any state and was booted out of the American Counseling Association for unethical practices/exploiting his patients. One of his most well-known therapeutic techniques involves holding his male patients on his lap. He has repeatedly demonstrated this on national television. His is an evangelical, fundamentalist member of the Unification Church. This church vehemently opposes homosexuality and has compared gay people to "dirty dung-eating dogs."

Second, please be aware that Mr. Cohen's explanation of the "causes" of homosexuality were popular in the 1950s and have since been disproven by a mountain of research. His "reparative therapy" has also been handily discredited and rejected as both ineffective and potentially harmful by the American Psychological Association, American Pychiatric Association, and by all mainstream mental health and medical organizations. Many of the statistics used in this book are outdated, taken out of context, or have been firmly discredited. It is inexscusable for Mr. Cohen to use this incorrect information and, on national television, even he has admitted that some of the information he used is incorrect and should be removed.

If your child has found the impressive courage to come out to you, please work to accept them for who they are. This might take time, but it's well worth it. I've seen many families become so much closer and stronger through this process. Please do not be misled by fringe misinformation and believe that your loved one can or should change. This can be incredibly damaging - I've seen it first-hand.

If you are a parent looking for a book to assist you in navigating this process, please consider Bernstein's book. And think about joining PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). Thanks so much for reading - I wish you all the best.

Cohen's book is deliberately confusingly titled, "Gay Children, Straight Parents." There is another book entitled "Straight Parents, Gay Children," by Robert A. Bernstein that is pretty much the polar opposite of this book.

Reading the amazon.com product descriptions makes the differences loud and clear, but a parent who gets a recommendation for Bernstein's book very well might end up with Cohen's instead because of an honest mistake on their part and an intentionally sleazy ytactic on the part of Cohen.

Bernstein's book: "shows the parents of gay children how to stop merely tolerating their kids and start being their heroes." Bernstein is an ardent supporter of P-FLAG, and amazon.com endorses his book with a positive review, as does Booklist.

Cohen's book: "a practical, helpful book for parents who want to understand why their kids are so angry and what they need to do to change." That's the back cover copy, not a review or endorsement by amazon.com, Booklist, Publisher's Weekly, or any other legit reviewers. Because, you know, gayness is caused by ANGER. Yup. The cover blurbs are all from other anti-gay 'counselors' with M.A. degrees (which we all know could be a master's in anything, and is not in and of itself a sign that anyone is a legitimately trained psychotherapist)and the phony LPC 'credential' (not recognized by the APA). It is published by Intervarsity Press, which is a fundamentalist Christian company.

Deliberate obfuscation is nefarious hatred, pure and simple.

The sad thing is that amazon shows that people who buy Bernstein's book often buy Cohen's book as well. This is clearly a deliberate attempt by Cohen to get parents who might otherwise be willing and able to accept a gay or bi child, sexual orientation and all, to doubt any impulses towards understanding and embracing a gay child for who s/he is.

And it gets worse: there are passages in this book that say race - yes, race, as in the color of your skin - is one of the ten possible causes of homosexuality. Cohen's website also mentions physical disability. There are unfounded 'statistics' based on 'research' by unlicensed psychologists claiming gay people are 40 times more likely to be pedophiles, whereas legit research shows that most sex offenders are married heterosexual men with children. This book was also distributed to, cited, and emphatically endorsed by the political groups in Uganda who tried to pass a law stipulating the death penalty for those caught having gay sex. This is NOT something anyone with a gay child should read. And really, do you really think your kid turned out gay because you didn't bond with him as a baby? Really? The 'blame the parent' theory for mental illness (which homosexuality is not - look in the DSM-IV; it isn't in there) went out with the 1960s.

As a licensed clinical psychologist who works with children and their families, I cannot be more emphatic in denouncing this book. In light of the recent suicides of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered youth (LGBT), this book promises healing but will only serve to divide the family and harm the child, whether they are LGBT or a questioning heterosexual. When is seems like the world is turning against the child, their parents should be a refuge and not add to the feelings of alienation.
This book is an abomination. The book is deceptively titled, and I believe purposefully so. I was looking for books to help parents help their children and instead came across this hurtful book.