"BAD: it can't have been the money, so what on EARTH possessed the usually solid and reliable Travolta to appear in this turkey-supreme of abysmal sci-fi? Perhaps the catering was an inducement..."
"BAD/CRAZY: here's a film - almost unique in my experience - that I simply cannot fathom(!) out or connect with on any level. Whatever lays at the heart of this complete toss has certainly passed me by"
"BAD: more sleep required, M Night. High pretension levels (see also 'Signs' and 'The Village') are off the scale here - proof that the actor/director needs to remove his head from his posterior"
"GOOD/CRAZY: he's a bit of a smug ole bastard at times but Nicolas cage knows how to handle a testosterone overdose when it arrives. On a par with The Rock"
"BAD: this movie demonstrates why Dr Suess is infinitely better on the page than on the screen. Director Ron Howard blows it big time here (unlike Amazon colleague...thanks, friend)"
"GOOD/CRAZY: it's the age-old dilemma...the desire to acknowledge Groucho's supreme wittiness vs the irrational desire to punch out his glibly smartarse lights. As for Harpo..."
"GOOD/BAD: what kind of a role model...A: doesn't use his foreshadowed skills (crane driver) to save anybody? B: lets himself get swept away by events? and C: stays the same? Step forward Tommy Cruise"
"BAD/CRAZY: I've a lot of time for ol' wispy voice but Sell-By dates are there for a reason, Big Fella. Respect, but holster the gun, step away from the script and hand yourself in NOW"
"GOOD/CRAZY: closet Trekkie am I, but the scene where Scotty shuttles Kirk round the refurbed Enterprise sure is a toe-curler. It's love all right (but not as we know it)"