The Flirt Coach's Guide to Finding the Love You Want: Communication Tips for Relationship Success [Paperback]

A guide to perfecting your flirting skills, from Flirt Coach Peta Heskell. Use your communication skills to find the right relationship for you.

Peta Heskell has refined flirting to a fine art – a sexy, lighthearted art that makes communication fun and has the power transform your romantic relationships. Successful flirts draw people to them with ease and once they have got that special someone's attention, they rarely lose it!

Peta insists that the key to successful relationships is being able to be yourself. She offers a straightforward programme to help anyone learn to be comfortable with being themselves. As she sees it, flirting can be the key to success in love, life and especially in the bedroom!

Her system works by:

Looking at the inside – finding out what is really you, your belief system and reviving your innate skills of childlike curiosity, daring and intuition.

Scrutinizing the outside – learning how to understand people's signals and how to get your message across. How to 'glow', how to wield power and influence.

Applying what you've learnt – specific ways to apply the techniques to your relationship for lifelong love and happiness.

I wrote this book because I sense a new awakening in the air about how we create and manage relationships. You might be yearning to find a relationship in the hopes that it will make your life better. Or you may be asking yourself 'why do I always end up in the same type of relationship?'. Perhaps you have a desire to form a different kind of relationship that seems to suit you but you are worried that people won’t approve or that what you want isn’t 'normal'.

My question to you is 'WHO DECIDES what’s right for you'? My answer is 'NOT your parents, religion, friends or society but YOU! As long as you are not hurting anyone else, you can be and do anything with your life.

Most of us have beliefs and attitudes about relationships that have nothing to do with what we truly want. More often they are ideas that have been programmed into us and that's what we THINK is right for us.

I'm not sure that the common ideal 'semi-detached suburban, 2.4 kids happily ever after' IS ideal. Have you thought how useful it might be to reconsider the very nature of our relationships in light of the continuing 'failure' of marriages.

Perhaps the time has come to create our own personalised relationships. Maybe some people have so much to do in becoming who they are that a permanentever-after relationship isn’t going to work at this stage in your life. Maybe right now you just need someone for right now.

Do you keep getting into the same kind of relationships and wonder how to break the cycle. I'm suggesting that we all follow patterns and take on archetypal roles that relate to where we are on our life's journey of self discovery.

Unconsciously we enter each relationship because we need to learn something. That is we need some information and experiences that help us grow into more of who we are. Ideally after each experience, we should learn the lesson and move on. But all of us are different and often we don’t listen to the message. If we continue to repeat the patterns, it’s just our unconscious minid making us go to the same class over and over until we get it and can e graduate to the next level of our development.

And if you’ve been led towards this book it's likely to be because you want some help in breaking the cycle and recognising what you need to learn so that you can move onwards and upwards.

My aim in writing this book is to help you to see, feel and hear clearly in your own mind how you currently relate and if it isn’t working for you, my aim is to help you formulate some ideas on what you really want and how to manifest that.

Here's how it works

I’ll be encouraging you to look at the way you’ve related intimately in the past and to learn from it. Even if your relationships have been hell, there’ll be something you can learn from them – if only not to go there again! Then you can start to attract relationships that are right for you.

Chapter 1 Your story

Discover how you have been affected by primitive genetic coding and years of programming and realise that you can with some help become once again the natural, alluring, magnetic, wonderfully perfect person you truly are.

Chapter 2 Intuitive Communication

If you are going to find the right relationship for you, you have to be able to first pick up and secondly know what YOUR intuitive signals are telling you. I’ll show you how to do this and and how to sharpen up your intuitive ability to sense signals from other people too – invaluable in any interaction!

Chapter 3 Recognizing your Personal Conditioning Patterns

In this section I’m going to pull aside the curtains and turn the spotlight on your personal beliefs about relationships and the patterns you repeat. As you gain more awareness about how you currently relate, you’ll be able to understand what’s stopping you from finding the love that’s right for you.

Chapter 4 Awakening your Natural Self

In this section you can work on dumping bits of old programming that don’t work, gaining a greater sense of who you really are, creating empowering beliefsand unleashing your natural sexuality. You’ll be getting ready for love.

Chapter 5 Loving, Clarifying and Connecting

Now that you are more in tune with who you are and what you really want, you are ready to relate more naturally to other people. Love is just round the corner for you In preparation for welcoming love into your life you’re going to learn how to love yourself and others in a very special way, clarify your beliefs about major topics that dominate relationships and connect more fully with people.

Chapter 6 Communicating, Creating and Building
In this part we we’re going to work on keeping and nurturing love. We take a look at how to use language and personal strategies to communicate more harmoniously with people and examine the attitudes and methods that, in my experience, are very effective in building and maintaining healthy relationships.

Peta Heskell is a Master NLP practitioner and has led workshops for more than ten years. She is dynamic and based in the UK although she is set to lead workshops in Denmark, Holland and California in the new year.

Chapter 1 - Your Story
"You are the product of other people's habitual way of thinking."
James A. Ray
Are you directing the movie of your life? Are you having lots of fun? Are you excited about what’s round the corner or do you simply check the TV guides, slouch on the sofa letting it all pass you by as someone else or ‘fate’ makes your decisions for you
It doesn’t have to be like that. But if you’re looking for love, you can’t let someone else decide how or where you can find it. You’ve got to get up off your backside and be the director and the star of your own adventure movie. You’re going to have the final say in casting lovers and writing plots that will bring the proverbial happy ending. And you don’t want it to look like a rehash of someone else’s movie, do you?
YOUR HEROIC JOURNEY
Life has a very strong pattern and over the years, people have been recording it in myths, fables and old wives’ tales. These stories aren’t fantasty, they’re truths about how life really is. Joseph Campbell, the world’s leading expert on mythology, discovered a common pattern running through myths from every culture he studied. He called this pattern ‘the Hero’s Journey’.
Many movies and books are based on the idea that when we answer the call to adventure, magical things happen and ordinary humans achieve extraordinary results. In the film Star Wars, Luke Skywalker leaves his farm for a life of adventure and challenge, as does Dorothy when she undertakes her epic adventure to the Land of Oz. Both of them were scared, yet they resisted their conditioning and listened to the voices they inside. Their inner guidance system told them to let go and go for it and look at how their lives changed for the better

We’ve all got a Dorothy or a Luke inside us, and most of us probably know someome who has let them out to play. It might be someone who has made major changes in their life, such as giving up a relationship or changing jobs, and despite having to go through some hard times, has emerged much happier as a result.
Susan is one of those people.

THE CALL TO ADVENTURE
Susan’s Story: Moving On
Susan had been in a relationship for 12 years. It had had its ups and downs and they’d both made efforts to patch it up. She had a nagging feeling that she needed to be free but she would look around at her cosy home, her dog and her devoted partner and get scared and dismiss those thoughts. She resisted her call to adventure because she thought she wasn’t ready and she was scared of change.
When, after 12 years of fidelity, Susan had a sexual fling, she realized that it was her body’s way of kick-starting herself into action. She gave up her home, her dog and her partner. She was all alone and a little scared, but also very excited. And somewhere along the way, she read a few books and took some courses which led to her doing the work that was right for her. And then she found a new man who was exactly right for that stage of her adventure.

Like Susan, you may be thinking anything from ‘I hate my life’to ‘something’s not working here’. Maybe you’re longing to move out of a relationship or change your job or deepen a relationship or even to ask someone out on a date. Like Susan, you may be feeling scared of making changes. We fear change more than anything else. But change is inevitable. And it can lead to great things…

Are you completely content with the way your life is right now? Or are you aware of something that you’ve tried to ignore niggling at you from inside? It might be a thought that keeps running through your mind or something you want but don’t think you can have.
· What’s stopping you from going for it? What are you afraid of losing?
· What could you gain by answering this ‘call to adventure’?

THE ADVENTURE
When you get the call to ‘adventure’ and acknowledge it, things tend to happen in a certain way.
1. A chance meeting or remark kicks in the belief that you can change and leads you to take action. It might be dumping someone from your life or quitting a job or throwing away that pack of cigarettes or buying a book like this.
2. When you take this first step, you’ll probably experience a mixture of fear and excitement, but you’ll have a feeling that you’re on the right track.
3. It may not be plain sailing. Indeed, sometimes the odds are so stacked against you that you wonder if you’ll make it through. But when you are really determined to stay the course, you’ll be surprised at the support you seem to receive from out of the blue. This may be in the form of people or opportunities that seem to appear in your path at just the right time.
4. And when you least expect it you will meet that special someone or find the job that is just right for you.
5. But it doesn’t stop there, because before you know it … you hear the next call to adventure.

‘Be a first-class version of yourself, not a second-class version of someone else.’ Judy Garland

Poor Judy Garland. Her hauntingly unique talent was like no other and I suspect she desperately wanted to be herself, but she got caught up in the system that eventually destroyed her. When you’re enjoying the adventure of your life and are being a first-class version of yourself, you’re firing on all cylinders, balanced, open and raring to go. It’s a magical combination of personal power, high self-worth, an open heart and a willingness to express yourself. It’s very attractive… but before you get there you may have to have a spring cleaning session.