Fifty Shades Darker [Kindle Edition]

OK I confess ... I read 50 Shades of Grey and thought it was pretty poor so quite WHY I bought this book I'm not sure (you know how it is - supermarket shopping, sun shining, wanted a light 'garden' read).

The sex scenes are amongst the least erotic I've ever read - Not only was there no 'muscle clenching south of my navel' going on (my libido was busy running as fast as it could in the opposite direction)I found myself being more interested in seeing if there was a page without at least one of the following phrases: 'Oh My', 'Holy Crap', 'Oh', 'Inner Goddess', 'Subconcious', 'Foil Packet' and 'Shattered (there isn't).

The characterisation is two dimensional and cliched, the plot is as diaphanous as one of Ana's (designer obviously) nightgowns, the language is repetitive, un-realistic and irritating and the writing is beyond poor.

I've never read the Twilight series - Oh My, how I wish I could say the same of the 50 Shades books.

Having downloaded all 3 books in this series I read 50 Shades Darker, having already read 50 Shades of Grey. Again just repetitions of the same old sex scenes. I definitely will NOT be reading 50 Shades Freed.

OK, here's the thing. I don't ask a lot from my books. Just to have a half decent story and be reasonably well written. I read (and quite enjoyed) the Twilight Saga for Pete's sake! That's why I wasn't exactly expecting a literary masterpiece from the 50 shades book, but I admit I'm a bit of a sheep and wanted to see what the hype was about.
I genuinely don't understand how anyone of average or above intelligence can see these books through! The repetativeness of it is actually shocking. If the constant oh my, whoa, or holy crap/cow/moses didn't have you wanting to tear out your own eyes I don't know what will.
Cocking heads. Think back to the last time you ever saw someone actually cock their head. Poor Christian must have whiplash the amount of times that guy cocks his head in a day! Moving on, calling each other by surnames. Who actually does that? Yes it might be comical to call the other half by their surname when being formal now and then but every day? Really? Go home tonight and start calling your partner by their surname and see how long it takes them to ask you why your being "weird".
Next, the sex. I admit I was looking forward to this bit having no experience of bdsm myself. For a book that is supposed to be about something so taboo, you would assume the author would figure that the audience would be over 10 years old and would therefore refrain from referring to Anas vagina as her "sex". I'm willingly reading a book about bdsm. I think I can handle the word vagina.
I get that Mr Grey is the hottest guy alive. I was told every page in the first book his eyes are smouldering gray (ah, and his name is Grey, look how that worked out!) But I don't care who you are, it is impossible to have earth shattering orgasms every time a certain man looks at you.
Oh the fullness! Whatever love.
Finally the sickeningly lovey love in the second book. I love you, I love you too, dont leave me, I won't leave you, you might leave me, well you might leave me, I'd die without you, well when we broke up (for 5 days ffs) I nearly did die, please don't leave me, I will never leave, you own my body and soul (because people actually say things like that) always, I love you always. I think I threw the book at the bus driver at this point.