Here is a book to make you re-think your assumptions about sex, love,
and yourself. The first third is about understanding how to balance
loving someone else and loving yourself -- no easy task, but the author
shows you how. She outlines patterns of reacting or "obsessing" that
contaminate our ability to approach our partners with clear boundaries,
both psychologically and sexually. She does a great job of walking us
through the task of holding ourselves steady and being caring but
self-possessed when the pressure is on. She is clearly rooting for us,
the reader, while giving us a new way of looking at ourselves. The
writing is polished, witty and lucid, spiced with juicy and relatable
The second two thirds of the book goes into more detail about sexuality
and sensuality -- from an eye-opening chapter on developing your
"erotic 7th sense" to one on fantasies that will leave you breathless,
to the best section on s/m I've ever read; one that helped me see that
what real people do or fantasize has no bearing on the skewed
depictions of kinky sex that the media or the right-wing likes to
exploit. There is a wealth of information here on getting and enhancing
pleasure, and the reader never feels judged for her choices or
pressured to adopt any particular standards except the ones that, as
the author says, "are derived from within."
The point seems to be to empower women by giving them a bounty of
information about making their sex lives and relationships thrive.
Along the way, the reader is likely to jettison a lot of negative ideas
about sexuality (as well as her own harsh inner voice) that are often
taken for granted in a culture that pays lip service to sexual freedom
on the one hand, and is scared to death of sexy, vibrant women on the
other (unless they're fictional characters on TV, of course!).
Even though this is a totally hip and enjoyable read, it is also a
serious, timely, and potentially life-changing book. What I love the
most is that this book is about US: that is, about women. It's all
about what we think and feel and what we need and how to get it -
rather than about men, and what they think and feel and need. Enough
of that, already!