Fat White Vampire Blues: Jules Duchon Series, Book 1
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Jules Duchon was a real New Orleans vampire. Born and bred in the working-class Ninth Ward, bitten and smitten with the Big Easy. Driving through the French Quarter, stuck in a row of bumper-to-bumper cars that crept along Decatur Street like a caravan of bone-weary camels, Jules Duchon barely fit behind the steering wheel of his very big Cadillac taxicab. Even with the seat pushed all the way back.
Damn, he was hungry.
Jules stopped his cab, pressed the wobbly rocker switch that jerked the electric windows reluctantly to life, and stuck his head into the humid night air. “Hey, baby. You interested in some dinner?”
–from Fat White Vampire Blues
Vampire, nosferatu, creature of the night–whatever you call him–Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak) in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can’t see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can’t get his big ol’ butt off the ground.
What’s worse, after more than a century of being undead, he’s watched his neighborhood truly go to hell–and now, a new vampire is looking to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he’d better confine himself to white victims–or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn’t kidding, Malice burns Jules’s house to the ground.
With the help of Maureen, the morbidly obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who (literally) flies in from the coast– Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It’s enough to give a man the blues.
Damn, he was hungry.
Jules stopped his cab, pressed the wobbly rocker switch that jerked the electric windows reluctantly to life, and stuck his head into the humid night air. “Hey, baby. You interested in some dinner?”
–from Fat White Vampire Blues
Vampire, nosferatu, creature of the night–whatever you call him–Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak) in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can’t see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can’t get his big ol’ butt off the ground.
What’s worse, after more than a century of being undead, he’s watched his neighborhood truly go to hell–and now, a new vampire is looking to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he’d better confine himself to white victims–or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn’t kidding, Malice burns Jules’s house to the ground.
With the help of Maureen, the morbidly obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who (literally) flies in from the coast– Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It’s enough to give a man the blues.
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Jules Duchon was a real New Orleans vampire. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Excerpt
Jules Duchon was a real New Orleans vampire. Read the first page
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Contemporary and funny take on the trials & tribulations of an out of shape, fairly horny white vampire at odds with the modern world with a dangerous taste for afro-american blood. Apparently black blood is even more irresistable after the victims' had a tasty/fat ladened meal! Hilarious take on undead race relations, vampire etiquette and zoophilia (ewwww).
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I thought this was a brilliant book - so good in fact that i bought a second copy for my mother who also loved it. We both found some parts of jules story really touching, and other parts laugh out loud.
despite being a blood sucking vampire - and grossly overweight - and a pretty pathetic character to boot, fox managed to make me really care about jules.
i think the balance of pathos and humour made jules, although a vampire, a believable character and it made me care about what happened to him.
i think fox has written a really clever and refreshing alternative to the usual vamps are either sexy and powerful or repulsive deformed 'nosferatu' types.
there is a follow up to jules story - 'the bride of the fat white vampire' - i don't want to spoil either tale, but TBOTFWV starts where the other book left off and tells of how jules is reformed, but with one of the rats missing - true to jules luck, the missing rat really needs to be located!!!
despite being a blood sucking vampire - and grossly overweight - and a pretty pathetic character to boot, fox managed to make me really care about jules.
i think the balance of pathos and humour made jules, although a vampire, a believable character and it made me care about what happened to him.
i think fox has written a really clever and refreshing alternative to the usual vamps are either sexy and powerful or repulsive deformed 'nosferatu' types.
there is a follow up to jules story - 'the bride of the fat white vampire' - i don't want to spoil either tale, but TBOTFWV starts where the other book left off and tells of how jules is reformed, but with one of the rats missing - true to jules luck, the missing rat really needs to be located!!!
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Jules Duchon is a vampire living in New Orleans. Weighing in at 463 pounds, he is addicted to victims addicted to fried rich food. Schlumping around the Big Easy like an undead Ignatius Riley, the biggest worry in Jules' un-life is whether or not he might have diabetes, that is, until Jules gets muscled by a sinister vampire gangster named Malice X...Hilarity ensues. Kind of.
The adventure starts and then we are introduced to a cast of zany one dimensional characters that show Jules, in their special one dimensional way, that he had it in him all along...
There are some genuinely good parts to this uneven book but I was more engaged by what I thought was the original proposition of the novel: the quotidian existence of an obese, working class vampire in New Orleans changing because of how and what he eats. Just as Andrew Fox's characters were telling Jules that he didn't need the crazy plan to make an army of followers to fight Malice X or the gun that shot stakes and garlic cartridges, I wanted to tell Fox that he didn't need the shadowy anti-vampire federal agency or the secret agent with the wooden stakes popping out of her implanted breasts to tell a good story.
The adventure starts and then we are introduced to a cast of zany one dimensional characters that show Jules, in their special one dimensional way, that he had it in him all along...
There are some genuinely good parts to this uneven book but I was more engaged by what I thought was the original proposition of the novel: the quotidian existence of an obese, working class vampire in New Orleans changing because of how and what he eats. Just as Andrew Fox's characters were telling Jules that he didn't need the crazy plan to make an army of followers to fight Malice X or the gun that shot stakes and garlic cartridges, I wanted to tell Fox that he didn't need the shadowy anti-vampire federal agency or the secret agent with the wooden stakes popping out of her implanted breasts to tell a good story.
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