- Hardcover: 241 pages
- Publisher: Routledge (1 Jan 1998)
- Language English
- ISBN-10: 0789002485
- ISBN-13: 978-0789002488
- Product Dimensions: 20.8 x 15.2 x 2.3 cm
- Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
- See Complete Table of Contents
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More About the Author
Product Description
Product Description
As a clinical psychologist, Jean Baker had always considered herself open-minded and tolerant, but found she wasn’t prepared for the revelation that her only two children were both gay. Family Secrets is an inspirational story of how she and her family learned to accept one another and overcome their internalized fears and prejudices as well as how they coped with a much greater challenge in their personal lives--HIV/AIDS. Family Secrets is more than a parenting memoir, however. It is a guide that draws upon research and scientific findings to capsize the myths and stereotypes that contribute to societal homophobia. It offers important insight into the developmental needs of gay children, and it discusses the issues faced by gay and lesbian youth and their families.Offering practical suggestions about how parents and schools can help gay, lesbian, and bisexual children grow up to be productive, psychologically healthy adults, Family Secrets discusses the effects of social prejudice and stigma on the social and emotional development of sexual minorities. As long as homophobia is running rampant in American society, gay children are going to be reluctant or afraid to confide in their parents, and parents will have trouble understanding and accepting homosexuality in their children. To end the secrecy and build open and healthy environments for all children and adolescents, this book discusses:
- tactics for reducing homophobia in non-gay youths
- promoting tolerance and understanding of sexual minorities at home and in school
- the effects an AIDS death has on families
- “coming out” about HIV/AIDS
- discussing homosexuality with your children, regardless of whether or not they are gay or lesbian
- sexual orientation and the interaction of biology with experienceBecause Family Secrets is written from the viewpoint of a parent/psychologist, it offers insights into the developmental needs of gay and lesbian children in a way that no other book has done. School counselors, psychologists, marriage and family counselors, teachers, school administrators, and the parents and siblings of gays and lesbians will all benefit from reading this honest, helpful, and encouraging book.
From the Author
How homophobia leads to secrecy in families
I have written this book to memorialize my younger gay son and also to bring to attention the devastation which homophobia perpetrates upon its most vulnerable victims, that is gay children and adolescents. The pathologizing of homosexuality, even though usually directed toward adult homosexuals, inevitably shapes the minds and souls of children who are growing up to be gay or lesbian. I hope that my story, as the mother of gay sons and as a clinical psychologist, will play some small role in helping to change the anti-gay attitudes and practices which pervade our society, and which cause such trauma for gay youths. Just as gays and lesbians have emerged from the closet, I encourage parents to "come out" publicly about their child's sexual orientation. By showing pride and love toward their gay child parents can help diminish anti-gay prejudice and the damage it inflicts upon those whose only "crime" or "sin" is that when they fall ! in love it is with someone of the same gender as themselves. The same process of openness is true about AIDS. A parent of someone with HIV/AIDS speaking honestly about his or her loved one puts an individual face on the epidemic, makes it less easy for others to be indifferent, and helps overcome the stigma. --This text refers to the Paperback edition.
I have written this book to memorialize my younger gay son and also to bring to attention the devastation which homophobia perpetrates upon its most vulnerable victims, that is gay children and adolescents. The pathologizing of homosexuality, even though usually directed toward adult homosexuals, inevitably shapes the minds and souls of children who are growing up to be gay or lesbian. I hope that my story, as the mother of gay sons and as a clinical psychologist, will play some small role in helping to change the anti-gay attitudes and practices which pervade our society, and which cause such trauma for gay youths. Just as gays and lesbians have emerged from the closet, I encourage parents to "come out" publicly about their child's sexual orientation. By showing pride and love toward their gay child parents can help diminish anti-gay prejudice and the damage it inflicts upon those whose only "crime" or "sin" is that when they fall ! in love it is with someone of the same gender as themselves. The same process of openness is true about AIDS. A parent of someone with HIV/AIDS speaking honestly about his or her loved one puts an individual face on the epidemic, makes it less easy for others to be indifferent, and helps overcome the stigma. --This text refers to the Paperback edition.
Inside This Book
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First Sentence
My two sons, my only children, both grew up to be homosexual. Read the first page
Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
My two sons, my only children, both grew up to be homosexual. Read the first page
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Front Cover | Copyright | Table of Contents | Excerpt | Index | Back Cover
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
For this, my first review for Amazon, I have chosen, what was for me, a "difficult read". I guess it was the title, which caught my eye, as I was searching through Amazon. No reviews had been posted. Having been quite close to my own mother, I was in hopes that this would be a touching story of a mother and her two gay sons. I found it to be, for the most part, therapy for the author. As a gay man, perhaps this book was not written for me, but for parents of gay children and parents in general. I would be interested in reading a review from someone in this category.
The first paragraph of the preface reads: "As a clinical psychologist who is also the mother of two gay children, I was professionally knowledgeable about homosexuality and believed I was more tolerant than most, but I was unprepared for coping with homosexuality in my own family." The rest of the book is an expansion of just how unprepared the author was.
Instead of a biography of her favorite son (my words, not hers) Gary, or even an autobiography of the author herself, you find yourself reading the words of someone who is trying to analyze every aspect of every adverse decision they have made in their lives. In the end, you hope that there will be some revelation, and if nothing else, at least the author will give you the feeling that everything is OK and though life is tough, she survived, and so can you. No such "warm and fuzzy" feelings here. I can only hope that the author has a good therapist herself.
Format:Paperback
This remarkable and moving book combines the personal experience of a mother as she learns that her two sons are both gay, and a psychologist's perspective on the damaging effects of homophobia upon gay youth and their families. Jean Baker, in Family Secrets, shares with the reader the heartbreak of losing a beloved son to AIDS and offers suggestions on ways to reduce anti-gay prejudice and prejudice toward those who suffer from HIV/AIDS. This is a book which should be read by all parents, prospective parents, educators and others engaged in working with youth, and also by those who themselves are gay, lesbian or bisexual.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews on Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com:
3 reviews
1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
A starkly honest and painful book... bring a hanky
13 Jun 2001
Format:Paperback
Tragedy is a common theme, and I've cried at any number of sad stories, but rarely have I felt such a personal sense of loss as I felt by the end of this book. Dr. Baker brings her family to life in the pages of _Family Secrets_ so vividly that we feel they are our own. Her descriptions of her gradual acceptance of homosexuality in her family... the mistakes she made... the regrets she has... and the love, pride and devotion she felt are so honest they are almost painful to read.
This book confronts many issues--the acceptance of gays in our society, the social stigma of being gay or having a gay child, the tragedy of AIDS--but more than that it stands as a loving tribute to a beloved son. Dr. Baker is giving her son immortality by documenting his life, his passions, his thoughts... he once said "someday I'll be famous" ... what a tremendous gift.
1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
No "warm and fuzzy" feelings here.
26 May 1998
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
For this, my first review for Amazon, I have chosen, what was for me, a "difficult read". I guess it was the title, which caught my eye, as I was searching through Amazon. No reviews had been posted. Having been quite close to my own mother, I was in hopes that this would be a touching story of a mother and her two gay sons. I found it to be, for the most part, therapy for the author. As a gay man, perhaps this book was not written for me, but for parents of gay children and parents in general. I would be interested in reading a review from someone in this category.
The first paragraph of the preface reads: "As a clinical psychologist who is also the mother of two gay children, I was professionally knowledgeable about homosexuality and believed I was more tolerant than most, but I was unprepared for coping with homosexuality in my own family." The rest of the book is an expansion of just how unprepared the author was.
Instead of a biography of her favorite son (my words, not hers) Gary, or even an autobiography of the author herself, you find yourself reading the words of someone who is trying to analyze every aspect of every adverse decision they have made in their lives. In the end, you hope that there will be some revelation, and if nothing else, at least the author will give you the feeling that everything is OK and though life is tough, she survived, and so can you. No such "warm and fuzzy" feelings here. I can only hope that the author has a good therapist herself.
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
The damaging effects of homophobia.
27 July 1998
Format:Paperback
This remarkable and moving book combines the personal experience of a mother as she learns that her two sons are both gay, and a psychologist's perspective on the damaging effects of homophobia upon gay youth and their families. Jean Baker, in Family Secrets, shares with the reader the heartbreak of losing a beloved son to AIDS and offers suggestions on ways to reduce anti-gay prejudice and prejudice toward those who suffer from HIV/AIDS. This is a book which should be read by all parents, prospective parents, educators and others engaged in working with youth, and also by those who themselves are gay, lesbian or bisexual.
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