Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is [Paperback]

The first thing that is apparent is the diversity of lives that we children have experienced. There is a wide and rich variety of subjects covered. I particularly love the way Abigail has told her personal story and interspersed it with experiences of so many other adult children. This has been handled with true care and loving attention. I’m slightly embarrassed by one of my own quotes, but I’m glad it’s there. It just shows me how angry I was just two years ago and how much I’ve changed. Contact with others who have shared similar experiences to me has helped a great deal with that. My problem was my isolation, my aloneness, the feeling that I’m some kind of freak. This book has helped me see the lie in that belief. It has also highlighted how different things in US are when compared to the UK. There is no organised support, as far as I’m aware, for children of gay parents in this country.

The book not only tells the many stories of our experiences it also offers solutions to the different problems that we may face. Some of which may be specific to children of GLBT and others not. These problems include among others bullying and harassment, divorce and separation, parents coming out and how this is on going. I love the way she emphasises the point that coming out is family process and not just to do with the individual who is gay. I believe Abigail it is particularly strong on shame and how detrimental a force this can be on anyone’s life experiences. Shame of course comes from so many sources and she is bold and honest about this and how it can be tackled. Fear is another area that is addressed appropriately too. I was particularly struck by her description of the fear she experienced for her own father and that he may be harmed for being who he is.

The book tackles many of the myths that surround the lives of children of GLBT. Abigail is honest enough to state that our lives of course aren’t always conventional and that this is often a positive experience, especially with regard to breaking gender stereotypes. It discusses how the make up of gay families is changing and how these are creating new challenges. Children of LGBT of her and my generation tended to be from mix orientated families, or at least come from a seemingly heterosexual marriage. She describes how the demographic has now changed and how increasing proportions are now from gay couples, often through donor insemination or adoption. She also is unafraid to discuss how heterosexual shame can occur in heterosexual children of gay parents and offers solutions to avoid this.

I have one criticism of the book. I believe that more could have been discussed regarding adult children of gay parents who have grown up apart from their gay parent and there attempts to re-connect. There could also have been more on how difficult these adult children can find it within gay culture. This is only a minor criticism and has been covered to some extent. I’m also aware that finding people to interview with regard to this issue is perhaps more challenging.

This is a brilliant and thought provoking book. A must read for anybody who is interested in the 21st century family. It brought a lot of necessary emotions to the surface for me and reminded how much I miss my dad.

Danny

The first thing that is apparent is the diversity of lives that we children have experienced. There is a wide and rich variety of subjects covered. I particularly love the way Abigail has told her personal story and interspersed it with experiences of so many other adult children. This has been handled with true care and loving attention. I’m slightly embarrassed by one of my own quotes, but I’m glad it’s there. It just shows me how angry I was just two years ago and how much I’ve changed. Contact with others who have shared similar experiences to me has helped a great deal with that. My problem was my isolation, my aloneness, the feeling that I’m some kind of freak. This book has helped me see the lie in that belief. It has also highlighted how different things in US are when compared to the UK. There is no organised support, as far as I’m aware, for children of gay parents in this country.

The book not only tells the many stories of our experiences it also offers solutions to the different problems that we may face. Some of which may be specific to children of GLBT and others not. These problems include among others bullying and harassment, divorce and separation, parents coming out and how this is on going. I love the way she emphasises the point that coming out is family process and not just to do with the individual who is gay. I believe Abigail it is particularly strong on shame and how detrimental a force this can be on anyone’s life experiences. Shame of course comes from so many sources and she is bold and honest about this and how it can be tackled. Fear is another area that is addressed appropriately too. I was particularly struck by her description of the fear she experienced for her own father and that he may be harmed for being who he is.

The book tackles many of the myths that surround the lives of children of GLBT. Abigail is honest enough to state that our lives of course aren’t always conventional and that this is often a positive experience, especially with regard to breaking gender stereotypes. It discusses how the make up of gay families is changing and how these are creating new challenges. Children of LGBT of her and my generation tended to be from mix orientated families, or at least come from a seemingly heterosexual marriage. She describes how the demographic has now changed and how increasing proportions are now from gay couples, often through donor insemination or adoption. She also is unafraid to discuss how heterosexual shame can occur in heterosexual children of gay parents and offers solutions to avoid this.

I have one criticism of the book. I believe that more could have been discussed regarding adult children of gay parents who have grown up apart from their gay parent and there attempts to re-connect. There could also have been more on how difficult these adult children can find it within gay culture. This is only a minor criticism and has been covered to some extent. I’m also aware that finding people to interview with regard to this issue is perhaps more challenging.

This is a brilliant and thought provoking book. A must read for anybody who is interested in the 21st century family. It brought a lot of necessary emotions to the surface for me and reminded how much I miss my dad.

Danny